okay, i'm back with a vengance, and i'm still going to tell you guys what to be proud of about being gay. i'll start off by saying that we have something to fight for. i know it doesn't sound all that great right now, when we're all depressed, and don't know what to do, or who to come out to, and we don't have any friends, or anyone to talk to, but still, think about it. most people go through life without having a purpose. they wake up in the morning, and say to themselves, 'so, what am i doing today? well, not much. just going to school, then going over to my dad's house for the weekend, and doing my homework, and eventually i'll get a job, and do that, and that's my life story.' they don't know why they're here, they don't understand it, and really, they don't care! so think about it. we have something to care about. someone once said that the closet is an awful place to die. so to all you who want to die (and yeah, i've been there, and yeah, i tried to kill myself, and yeah, i got out of there, and i trusted someone, and i didn't die), think. if you want to die, well, that's your decition. but before you do it, try to trust someone. 'to take a leap/and not to fall/that first step/the hardest of them all'. i wrote that in a poem about coming out. come out to someone before you die. and try to care. find something you like to do. i've found karate. and i love it. it's physical, and i don't have to think about it. i just do it. and i love writing. and helping people. try to do something. get outside your box. no, it's not easy, but then, neither is being alive. but we can survive. i have faith that we can all survive, and we can all make a difference, no matter how small. if we all start caring, the world will change.

hey everyone. i'm back. remember me? bulldyke, the one with the crazy posts about why it's good to be gay. i'm back from Hell. i've been REALLY depressed, and i've been suicidal for 4 months, and i started cutting, and i'm just not doing too well in general. and now my dad's depressed, and i'm depressed, and i'm sick of people sticking their nebs into my life, and yeah. and i just got a dress cut at school for wearing a shirt that says, 'Heterosexualy Disinclined'. and no one will tell me why. so yeah, i'm pissed. and tobin and i think that it might be illegal, because it's a political statement, and yeah. i'm saying that a lot, arent i?

hey folks. i'm so sorry i haven't been on for so long. i am really not doing well. the whole bipolar thing just really gets me down. i haven't gone to school for more than a week, and there's no sign of it getting better any time soon. so yeah. i'll try to post when i can, but right now, i'm probably not going to be on every day. some days, it's all i can do to get out of bed in the morning. today i did, and my cello teacher came over, and she and my mom and i had a real conversation. only thing was, i couldn't meet her eyes. she's so awsome. even when i'm down, she is always there to support me, and make me feel better. and she gives the most incredible hugs! so anyway... what's up with you guys?

hey folks. i'm sorry to say that i won't be posting for a few days (well, one or two, at least). i probably shouldn't be on right now, anyway, but i am. so, gotta fly. i'll make up the facts on sunday. have a great weekend, all!

Bulldyke

so, it's time for more facts from bulldyke. what am i going to say today? well, let's see...

well, okay. isn't it wonderful that we are so connected? think about it. no matter who it is, we can connect about being gay. isn't that so cool? i think so.

Bulldyke

okay, by popular demand, i'm gonna try to write this thing. but be warned, it's gonna sound wierd.

Ode To Carrot Breath
my breath
so orangy sweet
flys out of my mouth
and onto the street

oh breath,
so laden with carrots
carry me away
in a gold-gilded chariot

my lovely breath
so sented with orange
will give me an excuse
to write one more song

there, now i have tortured you all with my strange idea of a poem, and my awful spelling. have a great day!

this is very random. there, i warned you. i was sitting here, responding to a poem, and relised that my breath smells like carrots. suprise of suprises, i ate a TON of carrots for dinner. yeah... so i got this idea to write a poem, an ode, actually, to carrot breath. i think it's time to go to bed, bulldyke, you're sounding more than a bit stoned. which i'm not, but that's what pms does to me. bye all.

the first step
will i fall?
the hardest
of them all

who do i tell
who can i trust?
who can i tell
i know that i must

that special door
that far off place
where all and none
have our own space

coming out
we know it's hard
and yet we all do
for it's not the final card

life goes on
we don't have to die
we can go on
though sometimes we may cry

it is not the final word

it is time
time my love
time for us to go

to a far off place
a place far away

where we can be free
free to do
to do whatever
whatever we want
we want to do

it is time
time for us
for us to love
love and live
live and be alive
alive and be loved

it is time
time my love
time for us
for us to be
to be
to be
to be

Bulldyke

it's time for more facts from bulldyke! don't all clap at once. so, what is it today?
well, i've talked a lot about our culture, and being 'connected' and all that, but what about depression?
what about those of us who don't want to be connected? what about people who don't want to live?

to this, i have this answer. 'It is always better to be alive than to be dead, because when you are alive,

a mystery
a puzzle
a thing to be solved

a wonder
a presence
to behold

who is it?
who knocks on my door?
who tells me
the truth?

why
why
why

why is it
why
why
why?

Bulldyke

oh. my. goddess. today was so incredible. now, before i start, i have to tell you all that i live
in a sorta strange town. no one will admit to homophobia, but almost everyone is. strange...
so, anyway.

jacob was perching on the railing across from us, and wolf was sorta next to him. emma and i were
sitting against the wall, oppostite them, with our arms around eachother. there waas not one else around.

yo folks, it's me again. *no, it's me!* yeah, you're a part of me... *well, yeah...so?* so, when
i say, 'me', it includes you. *well, that's boring* i never said otherwise... *in case you all hadn't
noticed, i'm talking to myself* no, you're talking with me *yeah, and you're me. haven't we
already been over this?* yeah...it sounds familiar.

so, anyway folks i've got some more things to bolster your courage. sorry that it's coming in so late.

thanks to all of you guys who responded to my last post. the facts will continue.

Bulldyke
"If I can survive rape, you can survive anything."

"Hello, and welcome to Good Things About Being Gay, brought to you by Bulldyke."
yeah... hello. *ahem* so, what am i going to say today? fisrt of all, i'd like to ask you all a
question. should i keep posting these? i'm not getting much feed back, good or bad, so i'm just wondering.
do you read these? do you want me to keep doing this? please, say something...

so, what is my fact going to be today? well, i was thinking. sorta about myself, and how i feel about