What is the cure for a broken heart? what is the remedy for love ripped assunder, and tender words pillaged?

i want to kiss you tonight like never before
want to take you in my arms and hold you
but instead i open the door
and watch you go
out with someone else

and so i sit, here by myself
writing a poem you'll never read
with a half-broken heart
and a shoulder to cry on
but all i want is you

and it's stupid, i tell myself
cause i really don't
want you all that much

So, i decided that i needed to get tested for STDs. i don't really know why, i just decided it would be a good idea. but, i didn't want to tell my parents, cause that would mean having The Talk, and i don't really want to tell them that i've done 'It', so i went to the teen clinic. and, since she's awesome and totally understanding, Em went with me, which was great.

I'm am SOOOOOOO hyped on caffine right now!!!!! WEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, here's the story. My grandma, who lives about 100 miles away, is having eye surgery tomorrow. Whatever. So, my mom has to be there tonight, and tomorrow. Only, she's got a cold. Ugh.

so, i went to this amazing no on 8 rally today, at the state capitol . it was so much fun!

there were soooooo many gay people, which is sooooo cool. lol

there was this one girl, TOTALLY cute, and we kept Looking at each other. you know, The Look. it was great. but we drifted apart, so i didn't get to talk to her....sigh. lol but it was great.

tonight i wanna slit my wrists
hold the blood to god's lips and say taste this

tonight i could swear even the man in the moon
is a rapist
and stars are nothing but scars
bullet wounds from humanities drive
by firing at the face of the sky

tonight crying would be too easy
it would please me too much
and no i don't want you to touch me
cause your hands are clean
and i'm filthy

i'm not in love with her. i'm not in love with her. i'm not in love with her. i'm not in love with her. fucking jesus H. christ on fucking crutches!! i'm not in love with her. i can't be. i absolutely, cannot be in love with her.

this is a love poem for the girl i cannot have
for you who brought me flowers and held me close
and taught me how to love
this is a love poem i'll never say for you

this is a love song, the kind that's never sung
it's written across my heart
the words are twined in my soul like twisted vines
this is the love song i never got to sing to you

this is a single red rose

i hate this. i am so, totally sick of this! it fucking sucks, being in....whatever it is i'm in.

R tells me that a 30 year old man is hitting on her....that he's cute, that he asked her out. and i want to cry. cause i want it to be me. it SHOULD be me. who asks her out, who holds her hand, who flirts with her, and cares for her, and goddamnit, i'm crying! i fucking hate this.

OBAMA IS PRESIDENT ELECT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOLY FUCKING AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'M SOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is so amazing. it's historic. it's monumental.

actually, it's not. it used to be, people told me that my life could be told as a TV show. which, while not very complimentary, was a pretty good description.

"if you need to crash then crash and burn/you're not alone" Savage Garden, Crash and Burn

that was our song. the song i played for you in the bikeracks before school on that cold april morning. the song i told you was going to be our song, and even though you scoffed, it was. it always, always was.

so, i can start applying to CDF now...which is a kinda scary thought. i'm not sure if i'm ready. in fact, i know i'm not. i'm not in the kind of shape i need to be in...and i'm not sure how i can get better. i think i need to re-motivate myself. need to start going to the gym more...and push myself harder. i need, like, a personal motivator. lol that sounds really weird, doesn't it?

arg!!! i'm pissed off, even though i shouldn't be! fuck!!! so, R sent me this text, saying to not give her number out. which was kinda strange, i thought, cause i never do, and why was she yelling at me about this?

Thanks you guys for your awesomely purple feedback on my story! I'll be sure to post more when it's written...