I am really worryed about something and that is that at at my schoool people dont really accept gays and i have started to goiing out with this person and i sent her this card type thing which told her how much i love her and well one of the girls in her house went trough her draws and found it. I have to add at thi spoint that we have not told any one but our closet friends. I dont have a clue how to act to it. I want to shout to the whole world but well i know that she is not keen on that yet. I love her so much and i am so scared about lossing. Her, so does anyone have any suggestions???
long time no post. I used that title because i could not think of anything eles.
I have a small problem. There is this girl in my year who knows about me being gay and also the fact that i really like her aswell. The problem for me is am getting little comments which i must admit are annoying and hurtfull about me being a lesbian. I dont want her to get any comments but i know she is getting one or two not as many as me. I really really like her but i am not sure if she is staight or a lesbian. I spend all the time with her and i love it so much, i am not sure if i should take it futher or just keep it as it is i am so confused it is not funny any more. she is also such a flirt with by parties and well i am just plain old confused.
soz i have not been on for a while but i was so busy. I am back at school now and having an ok time. There is a prolem wit school i am not sure why but there is an atompshere about the place. we have been back for four and a half days now and i wa so happy i had new friends and it was going so well stopping smokingwasnt.. i am decing to quit from today onwards. the new friends thta i have made are fun and enjoyble but there is somthing not right. i mean i am happy wit them but after 4 days back at school i am suddnely down and depressed but i am not able to put my finger on it and it is driving me insane. i have had it before but never at home. well, not like i have at schoool at school there is somethung werid about it. it does not help that i have only told cloes people that i am gay. we have a new inhouse tutor and she has been her only this term and she already knows that i am down. 0.. it is so werid. i am open to suggestions if any one has any.
Why does this have to happen to me all of the time. As soon as some one come ups with a theroy about me i am talked about me behind my back. This is so annoying... I was walking a cross the falt tonight after spending two hours in the wood and as i walked a cross the flat one of the girls in my year (well she says diffrent but she is allways lying) screams Bi-sexual across the flat. I knew it was her because i saw her say it but she is denying it ok course. I have just spent the last 1/2 hr degnying that i am gay. I feel so ashemed but i just dont want it to be let out in this school because it would just total fuck me up because everyone is so close. I was woundering if any one eles has this problem apart from u screv. I am really confused in my self at the mo because i am not sure wether i should just come out and say it or not. I have been told by my house master that i am not and it is so annoying. Some people just dont understnd.
I have fallen out with my friend and it is big style... he blamed me ofre telling people atschool about him being bi and i swear to god i didnt but know other friends are startin to say that i should not bo so harsh on him about it i havent spoken to him properly for about two weks now.
I have also went the massive step and told my tutor that i am gay(if you dint know already i am not bi anymore i am gay)she said that it was an occuring thing in female crickets...i love her to bits and she is quite fit.. but she always has to realte stuff to sport in away it does not bother me cause i am sport in everyway possible i play six sports on a daily basis. I then was talking to my house master and he told me not to dout myself and that i was not gay.. well how great did that make me feel. I get on real well with a lesbian in the school is one of the teachers and is funnly enough a cricketer.. she has helped me loads. It is good to know that other people are out ther in the same postion as u ! I am not on the way to telling my dad because well iu am not sure how he will take it... how did ur perants take it...
Hope you are all welll I have not spoken to anyone for so long a lot has happened since i last wrote.
I have fallen out wit my friend big time, I dont hate him but he told people about be being biand i am not happey about it. i am more gay then i am bi now. People have started to find out and i am not happy about it because i get sly comments. My friend is blaming people knowing about him on but he told people himself and i am not accepting that.
I see you standing there
I know there is no way that i can be with you
You have the same intrests as me
But we are difrent
I wish i could hold you in my arms
I would love to say to people "hey this is my girlfriend"
I know that it will never be
I wish you knew how i felt
I know that you never will know the truth
Hey every one
I have been so busy over the past couple of days. I got drunk on saturday and did not do to many things that i regret but i did cut myself a lot more. It was nioce just to get away from the boring night of doing shit all on a saturday night at school.
Two of my friends said that i was just cutting myself for attention, this really really annoyed me and i think jd saw that but not nl. At the moment i am trying to work my self out. I mean i know that i am bi and i have told 9 of my friends that and they seemed to be fine with it. There is one girl who i really like. I have liked her for ages. It is crazy. When i was woundering about stuff yeaturday i was thinking if you are gay or bi it is still hard because if you like some one so much and you know that they are straight it is hard to take it that you will never have that person to your self. It is really hard to let go.
I have become spereated from my year group. I have some friends in my year. Most of my friends are in the years above. I am going to be lost in a terms time. I have grown so close to these people. I am a only child anf they almost become like older sisters at times. Tell you what they think of you when it is most needed.
I am starting to cut my self a lot more. For me it is just away to prove that i am still alive and not with mum. I have been told that i should not tell my tutor about certain things because my cuncerler does not thjink that it is is a good idea. Oh well, i was speacking to one of the nurses at our medical center and she gave me a lot of confidence and so did T.C but there is something in the back of my head which is telling me to get out of here and run. I am confused about what to do.
At the moment i am not talking to my best friend and this is very hard for as i trust him so much but he told people that i was bi and it really peed me off. I dont know how to say stuff to him any more. I was at my councerller this morning and i told him most things but i felt that he thought that i was just putting most things on,. I am speaking to my tutor today and i cant wait i really love tallking to her. She has had a similar background to me and it makes me a bit confident.
My life seems to me to be one big mess. To some people it does not seem to be a problem. I just dont want to be here. I would do anything to see my mum again and to be with her. At the moment people are saying it is safer for me to be a school then any where seles. I argue wit dad when i and it annoys both of us. I dont really understand why i am like this all i want to do is push allmy problems and troubles behind me andfor it to start all over again but for things to go right for me. I am really messed up at the mo and people are startingt to notice the cuts on m y arm and it is a bit werid. I dont know how to exit this world that i have suddnely entered. There is one god thing and that is have stopped smoking. I am glad about this because i feel alot healither in some ways.
to tell you the truth i just want to curl up and die. Last night i really just wanted to jump of the beridge in to very shallow water.. i dont know if i would have survived but i did not want to die in water. Then when i went back to my room i felt like sliiting my wrists. If two of my friends had not come in i would have problerbly done it.
I really dont want to be here at all. I want to be with mum and the feeling has got stronger as i have though about it. i really just want to be with mum.