so i just got back today from this trip i went on for field hockey. this is the first time in a while that i can remember being truly happy. im just like high of the trip still. i dont know if many of you play team sports, but if you do you might know what i am talking about. i just had the kind of trip where the team was just like all connected the whole time. we had this one really intense game which we won.

hey so im still grounded which is why i havent posted or responded to anything yet...IM SORRY! hopefully my parents will be reasonable adn let me off the hook soon. i think i scored big with my dad cuz im playing on varsity in tomorrows tournament, the other goalie got hurt. this is for field hockey so people know what im talking about. im super excited, even though im a mere freshman, and they are all uppercalssmen, oh well...yeah im kinda nervous too.

hey, so ive been getting some replies or whatever about my story. well, lack of story at the moment. but anyway, i am grounded at the moment so i have to sneak in computer time whenever my parents arent home, which isnt enough time to write and checkup here. so i just wanted to let people know that i am doing my best with the little time i have. and also, to anyone who has sent me a message lately, you know who you are, im sorry i havent been able to respond but i havent had time.

How can I lust one person so much?
All of the time I crave your touch

Even of the thinkers of top Universities,
I only want your mind to challenge me

Of all the people who have many material riches,
I just want you to enjoy the simple pleasures with

When I think of us apart I want to scream and shout,
Yet I find it impossible for us to work out

So tell me what to do when I want you desperately,

holy shit its too fucking hot! im sorry for the foul language used in this rant, but this heat in unbearable. we even have air conditioning pumped up to the max and its ridiclous. it got cool last night cuz we had like a fucking storm, but now the humidity made it so much better. not. god, normally i dont care about the heat, but sitting here, in and air conditioned room, looking on the computer, should not call for me to be dripping from my own sweat.

It was snowing hard as I waited for Sara. Although I was freezing cold, and being blinded by the fucking blizzard I was in, I still stood there. I had said I would meet her there so I would. And maybe she would feel sorry for my gloveless hands again.
But last time that had happened it had almost immediately led to us having sex. Or almost having sex. Not that that was a bd thing necessarily, but I thought I was over that. I thought I had changed. I loved being with Sara, but moving so fast reminded me of who I used to be, and I didn’t like that. Did that mean I wasn’t ready for sleeping with Sara?

do you ever have those times in your life when you just don't know what you're feeling? like there are so many things going on in your life, yet nothing actually going on at the time? like you could be doing any of the various things you have to do, but you're not? thats where i find myself right now. sitting in this room with no light on, switching between each of the sounds fall out boy, sublime, and various other artists, all of whom im pretty sure are male.

All through class I couldn’t concentrate. It was just too much, she was just too much. I felt dizzy from all I felt for her.
Of course I felt for her, well, sexually. But I didn’t realize how much I wanted her like that. I mean, it wasn’t until we were alone together this morning that I became driven to have her. Like physically have her. Before it was all just wanting that feeling of closeness and comfort. But last night it was more, and this morning it was much more. Today I saw her, and that was enough.

I have no idea how we managed to cover ourselves so fast. I think I was on top of Sara at the time, or maybe she was on top. But we were definitely getting more intense with eachother. And then we heard someone walk in the back door, talking on their cell phone.
I pulled away first, I remembered, since I think I heard it first. She looked at me then heard it too looked at me and whispered “Shit.

Rachel came to my doorway and knocked. I peered at her over my big comforter. I wasn’t sleeping, still thinking. Thinking about the night before.
“You’ve got a visitor,

I sat on my bed with nothing but a desk lamp on to give me some light. Ashlei was asleep on her bed. I, however, could not get any sleep. I kept thinking back to the kiss. Well, there was more than one kiss actually.
Holy shit. Everytime I thought about it I got that same amazing feeling. I could still feel her lips on mine, her hands moving on my bare hips, my hands lost somewhere in her hair. Oh shit, I thought I might explode with how much I was feeling. I needed to deal with all this somehow, and I knew just where I was going to release it.

As I walked away from Parker I felt like I was going to be sick. Like really, physically ill. I couldn’t believe I had just let that spill. I had totally not meant to let anything come out, at all. But it had, and it had messed things up.
It was just that I had so many strong emotions for Parker that I didn’t know what to do with them. I hadn’t felt this way about anyone else, ever. And the worst part was, I didn’t even tell Parker everything. I had only told her a small portion of what I felt for her. But what did I feel for her exactly?

It had started to snow, but not much, so we decided we’d just walk through it. I took a deep breath and released it, watching the white mist flow from my mouth. Sara began to talk, telling me of her bad day so far.
I looked over at her as she talked. Little specks of white snowflakes slowly landed on her golden hair and then melted away. As the snowflakes disappeared, they turned into little mounds of water, giving Sara’s hair an extra shimmer added its normal shine.

“Come on! Get up Sara, we need to leave soon.