"...Speeds so fast it felt like I was drunk..."

MY life from 1998-2001. It started with me reading my journal and recounting the tales. Then within the space of the last 72 hours 8 of the key players in that time frame have come back into my life, all coming from differnt directions. The memories are fun, some bring a tear to my eye. we have all grown up. moved differnt ways in life. I don't know if I should be sad or happy. so many mixed feelings mixed emotions.

The way you make me feel.

Mark, My love for you that went away and then came back in the form of a sexual conquest is hurting me. you will never read these words I know. You know I loved you. YOU are trying to hook me up with other people now. I don't know wether I should be insulted or humbled that you want to find me a consolation prize.

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I hate Having an Anxiety disorder. It fucks with my friendships to much. Maybe I should go back on the pill.

well, That was an interesting birthday.

Happy Birthday to me!

This ain't no disco, It ain't no country club either, This Is LA, All I wanna do is have some fun, I'm sure his name is Billy, Mack Or Buddy. All I want to do is have some fun untill the sun comes up over Santa Monica Blvd.

" She was makin eyes at me from across the room and then came over and sat with us, and she played some musical chairs and she ended up beside me, and she laughed at something put her hand up to her mouth and when shebrought ti down it was on my inner thigh, where she made a not so subtle rub" NIte 1 of my Five day b-day celebration.

Well, today while with my mom at the Pharmacy, she asked me in a hushed tone about condoms.

So I took a leap of faith tonight.

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
Is nothing new
Flashback warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after

Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say go slow
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

If you're lost you can look and you will find me

Why People Lose My Respect

Idiocy
Flaunting
Lack of Common Sense
Professed "Education"

Well, its been almost a full moon cycle since I have made a blog. NOt much is new really with me, work work and more work. talking to americans all day certainly tires me out. I think it would tire anyone out.

I have been gettn some signals from a cute boy who fancies me I guess, Could be an opertunity to boost my waining sex life, ever since the vanilla cop episode I have been longing (no pun intended) for some good hardcore action.

I came out to my cat this morning before I left for work.
I highly suspect he was on to me for sometime now. The gay porn on my computer could have been a giveaway. Or it could have been that time he caught me making out with a cute boy on the couch... I told him I was confused. HE seemed to accept it at the time.

I hope my coming out to him will not change our relationship for the worse.. I do care for him so... I hope he acceps me for who I am...

Well, It has happened. My lttle brother has proved ignorant and rude. A symbol of the young teens of the world today. I had an MSN conversation with him just now. here is the txt

JB Says: J** Whats up?

J** Says: Who is this?

JB Says: Your brother, silly!

J** Says: Faggot!

JB Says: Thats not nice J**, swearing like that!

J** Says: Shutup Faggot!

JB Says: J** Whats wrong with you?

Fuck Labels.

JB

Its something that has been on my mind for some time now. thoughts that I was too ashamed to admit. BUt after talking with people and watching the documetry link jeff posted, I have decided that I am infact Bi. I cannot deny it anymore. My unexplained fascinatiion of breasts can now be explained! I look forward to exploreing this whole new world, now that I am being oepn about my true feelings!
of course i am just joking!

Today I visted my Dad. I usually refer to him as Captain Asshole. I had supper at his house, spent some time, talked ans stuff.

As he was getting ready to drive me home, putting his shoes on in the porth, we were talking about "appropriation" of office supplies. and he said jokeingly about stealing
"My possessions are causing me suspicion but there's no proof"

I knew the line right off that bat. but I was haveing a mind blank, and couldn't name the song. Its a line from one of my favorite songs. one of his too he said.