Um.

wild-blue-yonder — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 19:45:04 +0300

I’ve worried about my sexuality since I was in seventh grade… that was eight years ago. I just realized this. One of the reasons I haven’t come out yet is the thought, “how can I be sure?” and “what if it changes?” And, um, I just realized how unlikely that is. So, um, I feel kind of silly. And I guess I might come out to some more people now.

* warm fuzzies *

wild-blue-yonder — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 04:52:20 +0300

One of my good friends who’s been single all her life is starting a relationship with one of my old guy friends from high school. They are so ADORABLE together. Every time I see them I have a hard time holding in girly squeals of delight.

She’s 20, never dated before. It’s about time some guy realized how amazing she is!

Other than this, my week is going to be pretty ugly. But I keep thinking of those two and smiling…

At least now I can see it for what it is.

wild-blue-yonder — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 22:49:37 +0300

Robyn was definitely flirting with me again last night. I think she may be just as confused as I am.

life's conspiracy theories

wild-blue-yonder — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 07:26:16 +0300

So, I spent this weekend with:

1) The First Love (who I might not quite be over)
2) The Current Crush
3) The Current Crush’s new Significant Other
4) The Boyfriend (mine)

All in the same room, at the same time, and the only thing they had in common was me.

It was EPIC.

How can one person be messed up in so many ways?

pseudopsychicness

wild-blue-yonder — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 01:30:51 +0300

I sense a coming out on the horizon.

No plans, really. It’s just gonna be one of those moments when I go, hey, Marie, do you have a second? And then proceed to spill my heart out.

As long as I don’t slip up and say the girl I like is her, I guess it’ll be okay.

???

wild-blue-yonder — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 04:55:44 +0300

What the fuck is wrong with me???

I am dating Trey but I’m in love with Marie. Robyn still makes me want to scream and hit things. Trey is scared because he thinks I’m going to leave him and when I couldn’t assure him I was just depressed he hid his face under some blankets and started crying. I lay there in the dark and held him while he cried about me and it almost broke my heart. And then this afternoon when Marie told me she was in love again with Thomas she finished what Trey started and now my heart is in pieces all over my floor.

GOD DAMN IT WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???

way to be impulsive, part two:

wild-blue-yonder — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 07:13:18 +0300

so I went to my queer studies class today. And it was okay. And I'm officially enrolled and I need the credits so it looks like... no turning back now.

We're going to study queer theory, lgbtq history (divided into pre- and post-Stonewall, it seems), gays in the media, politics, religions, and marriage... read some classic sociology stuff... our professor (who's actually a fourth year grad student) kept throwing around all these names of famous people I feel like I should know, but don't. She seemed to know what she was talking about, too. So I hope this class will be good.

way to be impulsive...

wild-blue-yonder — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 04:12:37 +0300

I think I just signed up for my university's first queer studies class.

This is so unlike me... to show open interest in the subject when I'm so in the closet. But my roommate is taking it too, and maybe she'll make it less scary...

I don't know what came over me, but I think it might be good! I just hope I don't freak out tomorrow when we have our first meeting!

Adam & Eve

wild-blue-yonder — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 04:31:48 +0300

Once I was Adam
just because that was the only way she could fit me into a poem
and I still felt famous even though I’m really a girl.
I guess that’s why I smile when she says I love you
or makes a reference to the stars,
because I don’t like crying,
and at least I am someone.

It never ends!

wild-blue-yonder — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 07:40:59 +0300

Last night I watched a 136-minute romantic drama squished between two girls on a couch… one of whom was Marie. During the sad parts, she’d pat my head or my shoulder to comfort me, and once she offered me her shoulder, so I laid my head there and cuddled for a while. It was wonderful. I have been in a horrible mood ever since.

the classic emo post

wild-blue-yonder — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 01:18:26 +0300

A lot has happened to me over the past couple days.

AAACK!

wild-blue-yonder — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 07:31:51 +0300

Okay so one of my friends from back in ninth grade JUST GOT ENGAGED.
I don't know how to process this information.
Engaged? Really??? She is almost EXACTLY MY AGE.
I feel... old...

Primitive

wild-blue-yonder — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 02:58:26 +0300

Some people use the word primitive
but that reminds me of a song
by a band my dad likes
and I do not.
This is unfortunate because primitive would be a good word
for what I feel when I stand in the cold
and try to take in the blackness out there
which is impossible really, because
there are stars
and I never did get the Tao Te Ching anyway

lazy days are the nicest days. . . sometimes

wild-blue-yonder — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 06:15:54 +0300

I said something dumb today, and my friend justified it by saying I was 2% blonde.

This is news to me.

Apparently, I have unexplainable blonde highlights in the hair just behind my ears. The rest is orange. I am surprised I haven’t noticed this before.

. . .

If you are a fencer. . .

wild-blue-yonder — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 05:31:04 +0300

. . . please add this to the list of things not to say to the bi chick who has a crush on you:

“Kelsey stabbed me in the boob three times yesterday . . . look!”