Lets get this clear, I am a go getter. I pretty much see something I want and I go for it, I see something I think needs to be done and I do it. I'm ambitious. And it pisses me off and makes me so frustrated to be closeted to the majority of my peers. I mean, I can't stand up for myself when I want to, I can't say something I am really feeling, and what's worse, I can't just be silent - I have to lie! I have to say "yes, blah blah blah, I would like to see that [horrible aweful terrible unrealistic] movie.... yes I don't mind that [sexist demeaning sick] song that you wanted to listen to. Because if I disagree I would have to explain myself and I'm (insert mocking tone here) too afraid.

Thoughts on t. A. T. u. ?

Does anyone even understand what the hell is up with the terms carpet muncher and fudge packer... honestly. Those terms just piss me off. I mean, we can reclaim terms like fag and dyke. But who wants to reclaim the other two, and honestly who came up with them. I'm sorry this post isn't really well thought out, but these terms have just been bothering me and I want to know other people's thoughts on them or anything really. I don't have much of an adgenda with this one, except why? And what the hell? Put downs can be so moronic, and then they just become even more moronic. It's really phenomenal.

So, supposing one is facing the reality that over the next year they will probably be out to most everyone, and one is what it is like to have random uptight relatives know...

In plain English:

Some of my aunts and uncles are really... wierd. And not in a supporting of diversity type way. They already don't really like me or my family, so I was just wondering if anyone who's out has a similar situation and what its like. I won't let this stand in my way of my coming out more, but it kind of bothers me. Mainly I think it will be really sad, since between them there are quite a few cute little cousins, if they decide that I'm some kind of a pervert and don't want me around my cousins. I don't see them often anyway, so I guess it wouldn't be such a big deal. But hey, this is what is on my mind right now.

Why am I so afraid of something as stupid as people not liking me for who I am [gay]? I must just have a general fear of confrontation. I also keep obsessively labling myself like that. I need some reality. I wish I would just kick my own ass and act brave.

On a side note, soy products are good - I could get used to this.

Love & Peace,
Julie