Does anybody else just wonder if they will ever find someone? Why haven't I met somebody that feels the same about me as I do them? I don't get it... I really don't think I'm that bad of a catch! I mean I'm compassionate about things that I love, I care about my friends and my family, I'm very open-minded and I take people for who they are. I am a conversationalist once you get me going, I can relate to a lot of people and I smile like I mean it. I care about the Earth, I recycle! I brake for animals. I help anyone in any way that I can, I'm loyal to my friends and I respect other people. I care about others' feelings, and don't like to hurt people. I just wish that I wouldn't have to sit around and wonder if some day I will have someone that really loves me. I don't like being alone while most of my other friends have boyfriends, fuck being the third wheel!! I also don't like when they try to set me up with people, it's hard to explain just why it will never work out with the guy they have in mind. Only like two of my friends know that I'm not straight, granted I only told one because I am in serious like with her and needed to get it out. I really thought the feelings were mutual, I mean I can't believe I fell that hard for that long when there was no hope at all... I usually don't do that. I wake up every morning thinking, "Maybe today is the day I find her. Maybe.." Sometimes I wish I weren't so damn optimistic! I don't think that living in fucking South Dakota helps matters either. As great as it is here, people are just too close-minded. Some day I want to go somewhere else where people aren't afraid to be out. Maybe then I will stop wondering if I will be alone for the rest of my life.

I'm soooo.....uhh....confused? I dunno if that's the right word that I want to use. I dunno. There's this girl, who happens to be one of my really good friends, and I'm pretty positive I like her. I kinda think she might possibly feel the same, but I don't know. So it's not that I'm confused about the whole liking her thing, but rather I just don't know how to interpret her actions and words. She's like a really big church person, and thou shall do no wrong and stuff like that. She's talked about getting married one day and something else I think about finding the right guy? I can't really remember if that's what she said or not, but even after she says that kind of stuff I still can't help but feel like there's feelings both ways. I really just started hanging out with her last summer, like spending most of the summer with her, and basically every weekend now. She has never really had a boyfriend before, besides the middle school thing that we've all had. There's a lot of little things that makes me think she feels the same, like just how touchy-feely she can be. She'll always touch like my waist when I'm walking in front of her, ok well I kinda help because I'll just walk slow and she's trying to hurry me along, but ok I usually just push someone in the back not grab their waist. A few times she's grabbed my hands, like while I'm standing in front of her and she's sitting, yeah its amazing. Also, one time we were sitting somewhere and I like messed up her hair and she grabbed my hand and I dunno I think she was hot and my hands were cold so she held my hand to her face...for a long time. I haven't noticed her being that way with her other friends, and I guess some of the things I do for her I wouldn't do for a person that I didn't have a crush on, so you think she'd notice it. I mean I will pretty much do anything for her....anything. And I don't care, usually when someone asks me to do something that would be like way out of my way I get annoyed, but with her...it's different, I like to do things for her any chance I can. Ok, well I'm a senior and she isn't so I get open lunch and usually leave, and the only time I will go to lunch in school is to see her. Basically because she asks me to. She told me once that she missed me because I hadn't gone to lunch for a while, and hadn't seen her like the whole week besides that. So I told her I would go to lunch if we actually had a good lunch for once, so then I asked her what it was tomorrow, and she told me and I said that it wasn't good enough for me to go. I was just messing with her, but she said ahhh, please? So of course I asked her why and she said because I want to see you. And well that just made my day and of course I went to lunch because she seemed to want me to, and well would you say those kind of things to a normal friend? I dunno...I guess I might, depending on the situation. And I dunno...it's just so hot and cold with her, like sometimes when I want to leave early from meetings or something she'll say no and tell me to stay so I will, obviously. I can't say no to this girl. She's my weakness. I've noticed that she's not really close to too many other of her friends, like she doesn't stay in touch over the weekend or anything, and anytime she goes out of town we'll text, and she'll call me. And ok, wow, I just thought of this, but last month she went out of the state for something and we hung out the night before and we texted throughout the next day and she said she'd call me later because she had to go do something. And she did and like the first thing she said when we were talking was that she missed me, and I was like dork I saw you like less than 24 hours ago...and she said well it feels like a lot longer. And we talked for 15 minutes, and it made me feel so special that she called me and didn't bother to keep in contact with her other friends. She even brought me back a dorky souvenir cause I told her to, I was joking, but it made me super happy that she did. Gosh, I really do like this girl. She also went away this past weekend and I texted her and told her to have fun where she was going and not to come back with a boyfriend, and she said ok i won't. I'm gonna miss you :(. And then yeah...I don't normally say that stuff to my other friends, but I guess I don't have a really really really close friend, maybe its different when you are really close to a person. But anyway I told her we were hanging out this weekend because it was my birthday and she couldn't bail or I'd be sad, and she said ok ok I'd love to spend my friday with you. She just got back yesterday, and I saw her today after lunch and it was totally random because I don't usually see her after lunch and she ran, like seriously ran, and gave me a hug and said something like gosh I haven't seen you in soooo long. And I didn't really do anything, but I had to go throw something away and she was talking to my other friend who was with me so I start to walk away to the bathroom and she grabs my back pocket of my jeans! Like sticks her hand in it and pulls me back....I mean she was pretty much touching my butt. Oh gosh, that was so cute when she did it. So I told her to settle down I just had to throw something away. Then we sat and talked for like 10 minutes...ahh it was so great. But then I was sad when I had to go to class because I just wanted to be with her. Wow this is getting long. Ha sorry. Ok I'll wrap it up quick. So I planned on doing something with her, just her and I, this Friday, and I'm hoping something good will come out of it. It's actually getting nice so I was thinking we would go walk to our park and lay down and star gaze! We wanted to before but it was waaaaay too cold. So yeah that's my plan, and I just hope she doesn't have to babysit or something else. She is so absolutely gorgeous, and amazing, and perfect. And I like her a lot...and I just don't know if she would be weirded out if I told her how I felt. Like I don't want it to scare her, and have our friendship change at all because I like it where it's at, but it could be sooo much better. And yeah, sorry this turned out to be so incredibly long, and probably dumb....but I would really like some input on what to do about it? Does it sound like there's something more both ways, or is it just me? It kinda seems like I just want there to be feelings from her so I'm reading way too much into some situations.?

fuck. i messed up majorly. so i recently started talking to an old friend/crush and i THOUGHT everything was going fine, but i noticed she was being kinda crabby toward me or something. so i tried to talk to her, but it wasn't working so i just stopped trying and called her later and then asked her what was up, and she came right out and told me i was coming on to strong....so yeah...i feel dumb and i don't know what to do. do i talk to her? or should i leave her alone? that seems like the right approach, but i don't WANT to. ahhh...i am so stupid. i didn't want to screw anything up, but in the end that is what i did.

girls can be so freaking frustrating. one of my friends, who is about 2 years younger than me, is totally playing my feelings like a yo-yo. it seems like she likes me....but then she says stuff that makes me change my mind, and it frustrates the hell out of me. its kinda like when we're alone or just in our close group of friends its ok to be touchy-feely. for example, we're both in basketball and in practice she'll give me hugs and like touch my face or flirt with me, at least it seems like she's flirting. but the other day we were all in the same gym as the boys team doing something and i was just messing around and like put my arm around her because she was trying to pull this "i'm mad at you don't talk to me" thing, but then we were standing there and she said something to me, and another girl on my team said "can't we all just get along?!" just messing around, and my crush just said, "well if she'd quit touching me, everything would be ok." and that totally hurt me, so i didn't talk to her the rest of practice, but i started to feel bad. so i told her that i was sorry if i made her mad, and she apologized to me too. but it still just pisses me off that she does this shit to me. she can be the sweetest person in the world, and all i wanna do is sit and talk to her, but she has to be a brat and act stupid. if i was like a person on the outside, looking at her and i, i'd totally think that there was something going on, the way we act and say stuff. and i'm soooooo confused and i really just wanna forget about these feelings, because they complicate everything, and a lot of the time make me feel horrible. and currently, i am starting to talk to an ex-crush again, and it seems like she's still interested. so i really wanna concentrate on that because we have a lot of history and i feel more confident in that relationship. so i dunno. i wish i couldn't feel things sometimes, it would make life so much easier.

Where do I start? I've been a member of Oasis
for a long time, but I just like roam around
reading everyone's stuff cause I was too scared
to write anything. My biggest fear is that
someone I know will read it and I just don't
want to deal with that right now. But lately
my life has been getting so confusing and I
just need to talk about things. I don't feel
like starting from the very, very beginning of
when I first kind of figured out, or whatever,
that I started feeling things for girls. I
think though for anything else I write to make
sense I should try to. I'll just make a long
story short, or I'll do my best to. Ok, well
like most people on here I fell for one of my
friends...hard. She did have feelings for me
too, I think, I mean that is what she said, but
not really how she acted all the time. We'd
always like hold hands and stuff and I was so
in love with her, I really believe she felt the
same too. Everything was absolutely perfect
until my dad started to come wise to us. He
basically was snooping in my phone book on my
cell and saw someone called "My Honey" which
is what this girl, the one I was in love with,
put as her name. He read the number and
figured out who it was and he pretty much just
forbid me from seeing her or talking to her.
I was so scared of being like exiled from my
family that I listened to him. It tore me apart
I felt horrible, I didn't tell her what
happened cause it was so stupid and I didn't
really ever have a chance to talk to her cause
my dad was watching me like a hawk, constantly.
I did try to talk to her, tell her I couldn't
see her anymore. I was just still so confused
and petrified of my father that I just let him
ruin my life. So...we like just ended whatever
was between, or I did, she didn't try too hard
to find out why I quit talking to her, though.
I think she was thrown off a bit by what
happened between us, too. I still don't talk to
her because I guess now she has a boyfriend and
it just hurts too bad to try to look her in the
eye and talk to her normally. I just can't. So
I let her slip away from me, maybe one day
we'll talk about all of this. One day...I hope.
So much for a long story short. Sorry. I don't
feel like going into more details of what is
going on right now...I think I wrote enough, for
tonight anyway.