love ain't
the blossom
that got the pollen
stuck to the bee
its the roots of the tree
connecting the soul
to the mind
that you find
with grind
co inside
with feelings that u never felt before
hardcore vibes that u cant ignore
mop the floor with emotions bursting out of a crimson parcel
scarred horses spinnin on a broken carousel

love ain't heaven but it ain't nun close to hell
hear the wedding bells and pickin up shells
at the shore watchin the waves being pulled back
a diamond in the hacky sack
break your back cause of what u lack and smack u into reality.

love aint a hard dick waiting to be fucked
nor is it a burnin clit waiting to be sucked

love ain't
a saint, like Mother Teresa
if there ain't, any chemistry
then i don't wanna be ya
love ain't a sucka
no lickin to the centa
cause you fucked
if u can see the exit right when u enta

can you feel me?
comments are welcomed =)

Holidays this year has come and gone and i never looked back on them. I'm not the kind of person to look for things to stir my emotions because either way, I know they'll be stirred. My Mom keeps asking if I'm happy this christmas and i let her know aslong as i have her ill be satisfied cause in the end its family being together that matters. Out of all the Christmas's since my birth i have not been as appreciative of things as i have this year because i have realized how materialisticly people live there lives. This year ; there was no tree, not that i cared about the tree since there were plenty of other tree's to look at. Secretly all i cared about was getting presents, to rip the wrap off and look at my horrified sisters face because she spent years wrapping it perfectly, those were the moments that always played in my head and made me smile. I became reminded that its the thought that counts. All these simple basics to life that people should know but always forget. I'll admit that i forgot and from now on i set myself as a reminder. An appreciation to everything and everyone cause I have my life and my loved ones to be thankful for. Happy Holidays Everyone =)

its been a while, im not going to say i've been busy with school
because i haven't or how im doing overtime for a job i don't have
im typing and trying to organize my thoughts at the same time hmm :
my parents are divorcing which is always better said than done or should i say
my mom is divorcing my dad, and i would tell you more but
that would ruin the plot for the soap i wrote.
and for the past couple months i've actually thought of suicide (nothing to be proud of)
i wouldn't say the divorce caused it but its been a major factor
i found myself an angel and we went out for a couple months before i realized
that i wasn't as into the relationship as much as her so i ended it. yepp im a jerk
its my senior year (yeah my mom couldn't have picked a better time) because of my
retardedness my first 3 years of highschool, im left to hustle for credits that i need to
get to walk -graduate- be successful atlife.
I've been chasing highs lately, if you don't know what that means then its probably better for
you not to know. Nothing pass the gateway drug though so no worries.
its wierd seeing how oasis changes as we live our lives, im glad its here though

its a poem i wanted to post for a while but havent gotten the time
hoping some of u feel me on it // comments are welcomed =]
Goodnight and sweet dreams to everyone

Age 16 on the verge of a spontanouse combustion
breaking down on the verge of tears with a massive head ache
thinking how i should napp or stay awake
i wish i could just sit here forever and feel satisfied
i wish i could confess all those sins to which i lied
to undo all those tears i cried
can i sit here and spectate while the world passes me by
so when people ask me a question i dont have to reply
i get tired of pressing the snooze button
if only we could skip through all the bad parts
to fast forwards over the boring
and get cheats for the obstacles
im such a mess
but im doing the best i can.
parents on my back about everything i do
not even understand what im going through
mom...if only you knew.
but i can't even get through one sentence without u being you.
i have girls constantly passing me by, tattooed in my mind
is it so hard to believe that im a straight girl, lesbian combined
does this make me greedy or just confused
if so what label should i use
just know that it wasn't up to me to choose
so i guess this makes greedy
because i love 2 sexes so im very desperate...needy
but i can't show u the world through my eyes
i can't show you who u can trust and who creates the lies
let me just lay down and look up at the skies
clouds forming answers to questions
"5" [said before everyline]
constantly my mind is battling with my heart
"4"
i have all these feelings cooped up inside
"3"
don't even know where to start..
"2"
is crying even a form of art?
"1"
They write books about this sort of thing.

couple pancakes and a poem.

Enjoy. and im nappin now goodnight

--Playin for keeps
this time im not trying to make any mistakes
to cry my eyes out and build lakes
making my heart stop beating because of all the heartaches
im playing for keeps and im going to do what it takes
keeping my focus on the prize
so i stare deeply into your eyes
wondering if this is all some kind of disguise
an illusion of something that was never true
or do i really got; this much chemistry with you?

[everytime i think about her - Jaheim f/ Jadakiss]
she feel some kinda way she doin strange thangs but i aint with the games
keep it secret yo she aint but a keeper bro two wrongs dont make this right
but we equal though its gettin better though i can't sweat her though
i love her but i can't let her know i can't let her go

Coming out in 5 years.

im sure a lot of you are wondering 2 things right now,
1. why did i just title this entry febreeze
2. why am i coming out in 5 years.

well i named it febreeze because i have a can
of febreeze just sitting next to the keyboard
staring at me and i was sitting here for 5 minutes
trying to find out what i should name this entry when
BAM it hit me. Febreeze. =]

# 2 ; im coming out in 5 years because im sure if i ever tell my mom
she will be ok with it maybe have some denial and stuff but eventually
she will deal with it but im not telling her because in a wierd way i
get more freedom out of it. I was making out with this girl in my room
and she asked me why i didn't tell my mom and then i looked back to all
the posts ive read here about coming out and how i never really had a problem
with it because i never really planned on telling my parents and my reason was
because i was afraid that they would disown me or woop me till im straight but
now that ive realize that my mom will be ok with it [ after all the shouting and denial ] and me still sitting here not telling her i came up with the conclusion that
im not telling her because
"If i ever bring a girl over they won't be on my nuts about it"
in other words i get more freedom because they won't think anything is going on
and won't check up on me, so while keeping my secret in i get more freedom?
Do u get that? or did i loose everyone once they realized that this post had
nothing to do with febreeze..I just wanted to know if that reason was good enough
and didn't seem so greedy because i know how coming out is an important issue to some.

FLY FLEW AWAY OVER AND OUT. goodnight =]

im committing to being uncommitted
im thru with this love
thanks to my insecurities ive finally given it all up
how could i be so stupid, how could i be so dumb
trying to act like my heart had no feelings, like i was numb
all the times u locked me out while i sat crying patiently for the key
i clung on everytime u tried to scratch me off like i was some kind of flea. you kept me between a rock and a hardplace,
never let you go because i thought u were someone i could never replace.
but now i look down at myself for being such a big disgrace
and to think all that time i was waiting for your embrace
i don't gotta think twice when it comes time to erase.
i kept thinking i was at my best when i was with you
but instead i felt like the gum stuck to your shoe
even einstien couldn't find a solution to this problem
i tried using a calculator but it kept saying error
and at night all i saw was pain through the otherside of the mirror
& the last thing u could say is how i was never there
because i always tried to fix things even though i
was the one in need of repair
don't say i never loved u
cause i loved u enough to apologize
to get up the nerve & say sorry, at times when it wasn't my fault
it's like this love has turned into a new form of assault.
but its time, don't say u never saw it coming because u caused it
don't look around for the remote this ain't no movie and u can't pause it
time for the ending, lets bow so the audience can smile and applause it.

wrote it for a friend but im hopin it speaks to more than him.
Goodnight and sweet dreams folkss

smile for me.

im feelin you in all dimensions
you got me lovin this 3-d life
& when u smile i silently melt inside
its how i know my day will be alright.
what makes the sunrise even more bright
always part of my dreams at night
its hypnotizing & has me captivated
god must be proud of what he has created
cause im thankful for it.
& when you dance i can feel the beat
no worries i can stand the heat
just one smile and i feel like the energizer bunny
i can win the lottery and pick your smile over money. trust
and the best part is you mean it.
its not just another fake that is said with "cheeze"
it's there to please
so when u look at me straight in the eye i can feel the breeze
makin me feel weak in the knees
damn your such a tease
and its those moments i treasure
that no one else could measure
daydreams over pleasure
cuddling over sex
id walk more than a mile to see your smile
the times we can just stop and talk awhile
makes the stressin times in life worthwhile
an adjective noun & verb rolled into one.
the perfect definition.
Chocolate Dreams.

[any ideas on the title?]
goodnight. dream about the llamas

lots ofthings have been going on & if something does happen
this will be my explanation. hope its worth somethin. lates

my mind is going 100 miles per hour
waiting for god to throw my life out cause its gone sour
this foundation i live in isn't promised tommorrow
and yet im sitting here drownin in my own sorrow
do u have any sugar i can burrow?
my life needs something sweet
the city in my hearts missing a street
and im completely lost
like the fish in pike place, i got tossed
kept in a cold freezer to frost
no one wanted to buy me so i didn't have a cost
can thunder strike the same spot twice
or was that theory made by the 3 blind mice
you must have used some kind of devise
because your words were so concise
the pain was so precise
and damn what can i say i got a trauma
instead of ending i love you with a period
i end it with a comma
im scared to admit
that i can't commit
and yet im still here waiting for the candle to be lit
almost like writing a request that ill never submit
giving up but not ready to quit
shit. trying to climb out of a bottomless pit
im just a kidd
if you put me up on ebay
no one would bid
just lock me in a jar
and ill beg u not to poke holes on the lid
"quiet will be my loudest cry"
in the end you'll wonder why
i had to say goodbye
but you can never say, i didn't try
because each time i fell
i got back up
each time i ran out of battery i charged up
each party i came dressed up
escaped everytime i got locked up
cleaned everytime i messed up
tied my shoes to keep the lace up
had a bad day but kept my head up
got drunk so i threw up
sleepy but i still wake up
so in the end when u tell me i never gave a damn
im going to tell u proudly to shut the fuck up

it's so hard to express something that can't be put into words.
When i look into your eyes the words are right there
but when open my mouth when i take that breath of oxygen in and try to
exhale something that might give u a clue to how i feel...
i hear nothing come out just the silence and the sound of my own heart beating
& all i can feel is this frog stuck in my throat and the butterflies flying around in my stomach.
It's not a very good feeling...but it hurts so much more to wake up everyday
and know that you don't know how i feel about you.
and i don't know who's to blame...Is it my cowardness?
am i ment to fall over and over again so i can get up and feel the same way.
Or is it ur eyes, those brown eyes that penitrate more of me than u can ever imagine.
Those eyes that make me skip a beat and make my palms sweaty. I keep thinking if
i should be a realist or an optimist but really the answer to that question
is the answer to another question that i have yet to asked u. Such simple words.
I can practice the lines over and over again. Infront of a mirror.
Memorizing till i have the words down...but when i try writing the script
all i can manage to write down Is my name...the date...the subject.
As im thinking of a way to end this...i guess it will have to be continued,
because i haven't yet found a way to summon up all my courage
and get rid of that frog or those butterflies.
All i know is that through my eyes your an angel.
I dont care if you can't fly.You're an angel.

i love you more than you can imagine.
comments will be welcomed
Goodnight =]

lol im too bored right now...anyone up for it?
i have to waste 3000 messages this month
hit me up =]

oh and im not some horny lil kidd ahaha ok just wanted to make that clear

later days

Random Poem
Enjoy Skittles

late nights talkin on the phone
you just dont have me sprung u have me twisted and thrown
got you inside my head so im never alone
you got my heart skippin beats
smellin as good as the febreeze on my sheets
you get me more hyped than an enery drink
always disagreein with me, makin me think
lay my head down on my pillow and my thoughts are on you
your what makes the stuff stick on glue
the sky blue
the beef in my stew
cough in my flu
in a mystery, you would be the clue
if only you knew
how im taken by you
an image so perfect i have a secret to reveal
and in the end i wake up..its a dream..its not real
so if ur out there somewhere know that im looking.
Cause right now im lost.
I could search the whole world
and in the end, i still won't know what im looking for,
i just know im missing something.

im not sure if a lot of people notice this but
when your drunk it just makes u realize about a lot of things...

and damn...you...your mind just opens up to a lot of things
and you get the real answers to the questions you've been meaning to answer.

each shot..each memory...ill still be in the same spot in the morning

oh dude...CARMEN IN THE L WORD IS SO HOTT.

THE END...ill piss this all out in the morning...

and im too single for this shit. ill be sober for a while after this YUPP

LETS ALL THIZZ.

This song relates to how i feel at this moment.

I want somebody to share
Share the rest of my life
Share my innermost thoughts
Know my intimate details
Someone who’ll stand by my side
And give me support
And in return
She’ll get my support
She will listen to me
When I want to speak
About the world we live in
And life in general
Though my views may be wrong
They may even be perverted
She’ll hear me out
And won’t easily be converted
To my way of thinking
In fact she’ll often disagree
But at the end of it all
She will understand me
Aaaahhhhh....

I want somebody who cares
For me passionately
With every thought and
With every breath
Someone who’ll help me see things
In a different light
All the things I detest
I will almost like
I don’t want to be tied
To anyone’s strings
I’m carefully trying to steer clear of
Those things
But when I’m asleep
I want somebody
Who will put their arms around me
And kiss me tenderly
Though things like this
Make me sick
In a case like this
I’ll get away with it
Aaaahhhhh....

Depeche Mode - Somebody