Where do we go when the eyes fall back?
When the heart is black with pain?
And the rain is filling up your cup
That’s been empty since you drank it up
And you need a second dose of medicine.

So you sit around a table with a label on your head
And everybody has the same excuse as you
You laugh your head off, you want to get off
Forget about the truth you thought you knew.

And now a miracle is walking through the door
And now you’re waking, but still dreaming of what’s in store
Your past is regrettable
The present is forgettable
And she’s memorable; she’s all you’ve waited for.

She reminds you of the way you used to be
Shining brighter than the night, her light is all you see
She’s on fire and you’re a flame
And you don’t even know her name
But its okay now, it’s okay
Because she stayed.

Our time is based on measurements
Shades of color that make no sense
The view is skewed and broken
Only selective words are spoken
We speak in a language of hate
And dream of love as if it’s fate
It seems everyone’s dreams are the same
Forgo all work and aspire fame
And who is to blame?
A mysterious question
Our choices lead us to the place we were destined.

sun setting slow and the leaves blowing faster
skin getting thick, lips are soaked with disaster
just an imposter composing a rapture
of beautiful lies holding strong with great stature
you are like a statue made of stone
and I'm just a loser getting stoned
post-pone the final let down, please
can't take this shaking in my knees
I need the breeze to carry me home
I need to get back to being alone.

Don't lose your faith so fast
because the weather changes slowly
you never see the final glow
until you've given up the fight
and the past is in the past
so don't go pray to something holy
you never really know
until you believe your dreams at night.

she let me taste her lips
but missed the context of my kiss.
and then I slipped beneath the sheets
and drown in my own self-defeat.
her eyes were glaring stares of desire
what my heart never did require.
yearning for love I could not receive,
her scent, all that my lungs could breathe.
deceiving me, triggering madness
far too much damage to access.

Memories of walking hand in hand
They reappear without consent
And every word I whispered in your ear
Every desire I could repent
They sent shivers through your bones
And in your bones I gave you strength
The distance that we traveled seemed so far
Though, I know pain added length
And now I hang upon your walls
In the pictures that you slowly painted
Colors illuminated so vibrantly
But, now that I’ve been gone, the vision is tainted...

The sun was shining brighter
The leaves blew and created melodies
The burden was always lighter
Nothing separated you from me
The truth was never found
But there were never any questions
And every time you looked around
You never saw your own reflection
Everybody had a heart
You never realized the pain
And when the clouds came rolling in
You ran and danced in the rain
Happiness was never challenged
By never being good enough
And every inch from home you traveled
Made your skin a little more tough
The love you felt was pure and true
And what felt good was always right
Thoughts of running in the fields
Was all I needed to sleep at night
And in your innocence you lived
With undending imagination
And suddenly one digit became two
And you were lost in translation

And how much time is spent alone
Questioning all that we can never control?
I sit in my head with the static on low
Drifting into a world that I will never know
Chasing the answers that don’t even exist
My heart beat is too heavy to hear what I’ve missed
I look behind me and all that I find
Is my shadow racing the thoughts in my mind
When the race has ended my answers are questioned
Could my worst enemy be my own reflection?
“I need new direction,” is all I can gasp
And alone I wake from my dream at last.

The blankest stares are hovering over me and I gasp for air to breathe
to seep inside these veins and not in vain to bring me what I need
And suddenly the memory of you and me is all I see
what could I be when it was for nothing?
and I believed we stood for something.
You reappear everywhere, your ghost is haunting me
I look behind and there you trail, inhaling my faith and taunting me
I struggle to feel your love again
yes, your love again.
Reciprocated but always jaded and then you faded in the end.
You can't pretend you've lost the moments because the truth is plain to see
You rub your eyes a thousand times but blind eyes never feel relief.
The sea, it swallows you and I but you come washed up with the tide
and I am drowning in the sorrow, there is nothing left to borrow
You've run away, you have been rescued
I never meant to shackle you down
My love was all that I could never give, And I'm no longer afraid now that you aren't around
The way this life works is still a mystery
our fear, it becomes our makeup
And once the final minutes count down, that's when we finally start to wake up.

Sinking beneath the sheets are the spirits that lie within us
Taking breaths between the words that creep and slip in between us
A silhouette is formed by shadows cast from the moon that carries the sky
It binds the broken light that creates night and tangles you and I
Within the darkness of a world that burdens all of us so deeply
The secret moments spent between you and I are celebrated briefly
And as the leaves blow sweetly a song that I have never heard
I reach within the light of night to find the answers that keep me assured
And in my glory of this night a story writes itself in words
A brand new life is being created; a broken heart is being cured

I drove the coast with you
We looked outside and saw the moon
I looked at the moon; I looked in your eyes
They both showed me beauty
They both told me lies

I could feel it rising beneath me
The burning of lust that deceived me
I should’ve listened to my head
But my heart guided me instead
And now this fire is burning me
This fire is burning me

I walked across a bridge with you
We walked and found someplace new
Scenery; a beautiful escape
Marked with promises and hidden mistakes
And the bridge began burning behind us
There was nobody left to find us

If I had only opened my mind
My eyes wouldn’t have trailed so far behind
But, instead I lead myself to the ruins
Of a city that never knew it’s doom
And beneath the rummage of what once left
Was my heart, marked with tracks of death

Curiously waiting
Through these days of separating
Never knowing why I’m here
But drowning wild in the fear
Sometimes I like the sound
the world can make
When it all goes down
It all goes down just to come back up
And up there, I can’t get enough
Hallucinating, I am free
I separated you from me

Mysteries are golden
Driving me to break the mold
And the life that I’ve been holding
Is slipping away as I get old
The darkest clouds come rolling in
And this is where I want to be
There is somewhere special I haven’t been
I want you to go there with me

I walked outside today
I woke, and awake, I saw the sky
There were no words that I could say
Pure freedom allowed me to get high
and I could die in that moment
and I would still be alive
I could die in that moment
and I would still be alive
But all I did was cry in that moment
and the tears came from my eyes
but something beneath the surface was weeping
I was releasing it from inside

The curtain crosses over the glass and blocks the sunlight from coming through
But your face was all I needed to keep the world outside subdued
The inside is now golden, panted with warmth, containing the cold
And drifting in-between the cracks of this window’s heavy mold
Inside our world, only a room, but still has become our entity
We drift inside one another, creating beauty endlessly
I’ve dreamt about this life I’m living in lives that have passed me by
The struggles found in nameless temptation have offered me truth I now can find
And in your eyes, the treasure lies, beneath the mask of a disease
We have all contracted the symptoms of wrath, and lust and greed.
Your eyes have offered me the meaning, behind the beating of the sun
And now the color of your energy is bleeding into one.

I cannot sleep tonight
Though, I am dreaming
About a desert quenched with rain
About the ice age melting slowly
The tables turn
And frozen burns
And hate and love become unknown
Because engaging in that switch
Would only cause us to explode
And misery is no longer disguised
By lonely smiles that please the eyes
The burden of a lack of compassion
Becomes a style that’s out of fashion
And on this clean slate
The birth of truth soon brings life
To the fact that love exists
Above all the pain and strife
And in this reality of beauty
We find where all the secrets lied
We can become what we knew we could be
We can feel the warmth inside.

Oh, lord. Life goes up and down and up and down and I just don't know which section of the curvy timeline I fit in at this point. Today, after months of contemplation, and forgiveness, and forgetting and remembering, I took the liberty of texting that old "friend" that I abruptly lost touch with. Disregarding our lack of contact with each other for obvious reasons (her being in a new relationship with a guy) I thought that I would text her. In the nicest of tones, with the most harmless intentions, I texted her with a simple, "I just wanted to say hey and hope all is well." Her response, "y r u texting me." Having read that response, it was quite clear that her lack of proper grammar was enough of a problem to disway me from even getting upset about the comment in itself. I mean. Christ. This bitch asks me why I am texting her?

Okay, Okay...It hurt. I felt the little "ouch" of rejection; I can't deny it. But, above all, that comment made it plain to see; not only have I lost my attraction to her because of the extreme rudeness of the comment made, the grammatical error also added to the diminishing of what I used to feel was an intellectual attraction. But, Buttttt there is one more thing that added to the hilarity of this entire situation. Below the text was one of those fabulous 'signature icons' that some people use to leave their name, or something of that affect below each and every text they send to others. Hers was one of these "<3" guys. The most sincere and beautiful symbols known to man, used as a way to show your love for another. What?? Whatttt? Who is this girl. If my memory serves me correct, she was never one of those girls. In fact, she made fun of those lame little OmGzZzzz girls that use abbreviations and symbols like that.

Oh, life. It's a funny place with funny people. Today turned out to be a funny day. Because, at some point in life...after all the mourning over lost love and all of unanswered questions are still laying around unawswered, you take chances. Today, I took my chance in speaking again with the one I once felt fire inside for. Yet, that fire was put out by a bucket of laugh water. And now I sit here giggling and knowing that what I really thought was left between her and I was nothing at all and that if I find that there is some miraculous chance that she texts me and surprises me with impeccable grammar, my thoughts may change. Now; I'm just laughing....so good.