a whore and a gentleman
entwined
in one mind

you want to romance her
entrance her
gently

you want to caress her
explore her
so badly

a whore and a gentleman
entwined
in one mind

I'm cold
haunted by my memories
seeing nothing of the future

I wander for days
searching through my shadows
trying to find a link
a chain, a way to myself

i need to recover
recover all i lost
in my shortened past

when did i forget
how to love
to care, to see a light,
and not think of it as only a new-born shadow ?

I want my freedom back
the freedom of fourteen
when my petals were still tightly wound,

i nearly gave up last night
almost ran
from my own insecurities
that i've honed to be
needle-sharp and
perfect

i almost lost all i work towards
artificiality
cloaked in smiles and perfume
soaked in clear blood and tears
shining
perfect

for a moment, i remembered
when i was free
and pure
and didn't need my insecurities
to feel
to be
perfect

Ok, first entry since I first got this account a year ago (thanks to BItterfly for helping me out:P)We'll start with the basics. My names Jocelyn, Jo to most people. I'm 16, and I live in 'Canada'a only border city', Lloydminster. It's on the Alberta/Saskatchewan border. I'm currently completing my grade 12 year.

I've been "out" at school since december of grade nine, out to the folks since the middle of grade 11. The folks have kind of accepted it, although D (it's what I call my mom) hopes I end up with a guy, and my father "seriously hopes I consider being straight". That's about as likely as George Bush getting a Havard degree, but w/e.