This is about something that happened to me earlier.

My neighboors have 3 girls. One of 8, one of 10, and the oldest of 12.

The 2 younger come to brush my horse time by time and i know them pretty weel. Today we were talking about their older sister. We talked about boyfriends and Magalye, the youngest told me she didn't like boys. She thought they were ugly and disgusting. I was like, yeah i understand that. I told them i thought alike.

( I recently watched an Oprah Show on girl's self-confidence. I had to watch it for my dad because he was so scared after seeing some of my old scars on my leg. I understand him. I'll do everything not to do it again for him and my mom. They love me, and i love them, even if they have flaws. Everyone has. )

So, that show was about self-confidence and they said something that marked me. They said that the doubt is the key to the truth.

They say that if you doubt you're not ready for anything, then that means you're not ready. I am not sure if it applies in many subjects but it got me thinking.

One of my good friends, Audrey, told me that Emilie ( my grilfriend ) and Myriam ( Audrey's ex-best friends, since now she hates Myriam, and Em used to be her best friend) were closer than ever.

I am suffering from a sickness.
In the beginning, i thought i was only tired, since i am a lot of things to do... but.. i don't think that's what i have.

My history with cutting is what my girlfriend is mostly afraid of, about me being sick. The problem is, my symptoms began with me cutting. It may have no link... But since i was better when i didn't cut. The worse symptoms appeared when i started to cut myself in a dangerous way. My girlfriend used to do it too, and way more than I, her scars were more important, and she told me she wouldn't be able to do this pain to herself, like i started doing back in May. After loosing a terrible amount of blood, i backed off and began to stop this terrible and stupid habit.

It may have brought me to be awfully sick. And what is worse is that i may have given it to my girlfriend. If she gave it to me though... i don't know what to say.

I haven'T seen a lot of people posting on how amazing their friends are. Maybe they do not have amazing friends. I sure know it is possible to make some here on this site.

I met this awesome girl here, months ago, under the nickname Red Rebel. we had so many common points that it was actually scary. both of us realised it and wanted to talk to other. Soon enough we were really good friends.

My dad can't stop being mean with me. Why???? Because i need him to help me with one big thing. he doesn't want to... What the hell am i supposed to do?

I Love horses. I've worked really hard to be able to have mine. Now, my dear horse is at my house in her little stable with the cat. I take care of her only by myself, each morning, evening and night. we are also training for shows next summer.

Nobody even knows what it feels like to be anybody else. But still they can find a way to somehow share their life.

I close my arms on myself, look at who i've became, and never realise truly who i am. Nobody can tell me who i am... so that doesn't even say that i can tell.
Identity crisis? i'm over that. Loneliness? i've survived throught hard one. then what? why am i still complaining?

this took me 2 minutes to write but i was almost crying and i needed to express myself.

You're shouting at me again
tell me how to make this end
Cause no matter how hard i fall
you can't seem to hear my heart's call

You don't understand it

There is no way i can find something
To make my love for you go down
So why making your apology not worthing
This innocent trust making you yawn

I'm part of a small bus. there's this one guy really alone always itting in the front seat, the first one. He's one of my neighbors. I know him since he's 7, and now he's 15.
Though we never really spoke. He's just... the one silencious twin...

I've noticed him being more and more closeted years after years. Now... he's just there... like a shadow, a ghost.

He missed 3 weeks of school once and i was really scared something had happened to him. I learned he had a feet injury. for i what i though i heard in between my headphones, coz i always have them on in my school bus, some people had hit him. they why would he always eat his lunch in the bus when we're going back at night?

Can't....

Cannot do anything. I care too much about people.
They want to kill themselves, and their life is a hell...
I understand, that's the worse.
They are depressed i understand, it's normal
But got i am so scared!

So scared that i might lose them.
Everybody around me, threatning me that they'd die
Or feeling this pain they cannot control

Why can't i help them?
Why can't i hold them in my arms?
Why would it change anything anyway?

I want to Scream, i am powerless face to this

Wish i could just help them
I don't want to lose someone ever again
Never... never...

I need to thank all the people who told me they read me and that they care. Yes i was maybe right or wrong, depending for whoever you are, but thanks for reading me.

I didn't feel alone. The main reason that makes me sad and be the way i hate, depressed.

You all helped even if you were to yell at me.

Still thanks for making me feel good and take conscience of everyone's point of view. I made my apology and clarified things on the post itself.

Is it a fashion or is it a way to be hot?
The New tendance : Being sadly depressed.

Yeah well, it's true. The young years of GBLT aren't easy, but we're all throught the same thing. Can't we all fight it and help each other? No instead we encourage others to be depressed and stuff by telling them we went throught it too.

Let's go be depressed together! let's drink! let's cut! let's try commiting suicide.

... How can you forget some things in your life when they come to haunt you againa nd again? these things are what i pretend not to be now... i have changed so much, and now i don't realise why i've been such an idiot in my younger years...

This isn't a part of me i tlak often becaus ei want to let it go, to feel better, to forget everything about these bad memories... but i can't get there. It seems like i cna't forget them. Why?