The US Senate defeated the Federal Marraige "Protection" Amendment today, and not only did no senators who had previously voted against the ban give in, we gained two senators to our cause. Bush made a gamble for political capital and didn't win anything. Yay! The US might have some hope yet.
News links here.
I am Alice Colgate, and I am seventeen years old, and I am sitting here at my desk trying to find the right word. The lot at night blows falling leaves alone/Stardust sparkling in brown— Rivulets? No, too watery.
What is it driving this stupid verse anyway? Whimsy? Genius? Boredom, more like it. I wonder what Anna’s doing right now. Is she going off with…?
Doesn’t matter now. Just gotta get through this poem for tomorrow.
I was just trying to write an email to an old friend. We used to be "virtual sisters" back in the day: close and secure and loving. We didn't really see each other that much, but she treated me special, you know? I could write her emails or talk about whatever made me angry or sad, even if it was her, and she would write back with more compassion than I had hoped for.
I had a crush on her last year, and for a lot of this year. I was drawn by her facade, by how complicated she seemed under her hearty mask. She's beautiful. And straight. No one's ever dated her yet, but the guys don't know what they're missing.
My fingers slide across the buttons--a smooth grip,
plastic curving in my hand--as I make this call.
Dial number 3000 across a lifetime of laziness, close
houses leaning next to each other, windows winking back at homes.
Two fast vibrations--I breathe in between--and he picks up on three, as he always does.
"Hello?" into wires across the street, and we round out a time, set.
Bring down bags and boxes of brochures, you're set
I breathe in beautiful girl, sparkle, all through swishing skirts and touching arms and swirling twirling weight--
Air is a balloon filling in my chest, too big too fast for my ribs and muscles, too tight, wedging into every crevice,
Pushing up against my throat, hitting a wall at my lips.
I smile, closed lips, at him with the begging eyes, smile and bury my face in his neck as her skirt
The rectangular cardboard milk
Corners cooly, smoothly in my hand as
White clouts puff like flowing silk
Into my caffienated tea, my warm smooth ceramic
Of frenetic, stale energy,
Of staring uncomprehendingly--eyes propped open, brain propped up--
At a jumble of long-suffering lines and letters on the page.
I memorize the doodles best:
A smiling, sweet girl with a spaghetti strap and necklace;
So I got asked to the semi on Thursday. It was the first time anyone's asked me on a date. I got asked out for the second time on Friday. Both of them were boys, both of them I am not very attracted to, and I said yes to both of them. How dumb can I get?
We'll call the first guy Don. He's tall and not very physically attractive, which wouldn't be a problem if he had a cool personality and I liked spending time with him, but I don't. I don't like hanging out with him at all. I should have said no and just gone to the semi with my friends, but I felt bad for him. OK, I just didn't know how to say no, and it felt nice to be asked out for once. I mean, do you refuse the first person that ever asks you on a date?
At the start of huge contra dance last night, I saw a girl sitting out a dance, just watching the teen line spin by, and smiling. She had short--almost buzz-cut--red hair, and silver dangly earrings, and I fell for her instantly. I spun by her in the arms of whatever guy friend I was dancing with, unable to stop thinking about her, telling myself I had to dance the next dance with her. Another guy friend asked me to dance when he was spinning me around, and, well, he's a good dancer and a good guy, so I didn't refuse.
So it was bring-a-friend day at my GSA today, and there were like over 30 people there! Some freshmen even got some middle schoolers to come. It was all energetic and hapy and yay! We're having a GSA bake sale tomorrow, along with putting pink triangles on one in ten of the cafeteria seats tomorrow to top off our Coming Out Week activities. I'm interested to see what will happen to our pink triangles, as people have taken down some of the gay statistic posters we put up earlier... I'm all smiley about it.
This was a paper I wrote for school for a very open-ended assignment.
In their quick glances in the hall, in their glittering eyes and no-toothed smiles, she sees laughter and malice. Who does she think she is? What does she think she’s doing? How could she even think that, want that? Ew. She’s dirt, psychotic dirt that they grind into the ground with our smiles-that-would-be-smirks, their thoughts unspoken but playing loud, loud in her head because she thought them once too. Grind it all into nothing and it will go away.
The date should go down in those "baby's firsts" books, except expanded for like all ages: "Baby's first steps, first tooth, first GSA meeting..." Right.
It was pretty fun--when I walked in, I was really nervous, but after everyone was all hanging out and just talking and stuff, I calmed down. I know about half the people there, but none of them are any specific close friends, or they already have their own social group. So I spent a bit of time wandering around and not saying much and generally being shy, which was not so fun. But it was great to meet some other queer teens that went to my high school! I mean, some of us were waiting for the schoolbus after, and it was like five un-straight people within five feet of each other.
So last night I spent the night at a girlfriend's house--we'll call her Veronica. She knows I'm attracted to girls, has known for over a year, but didn't know I liked girls better than guys till a month or so ago. She's straight. I have this weird dynamic between her and me. I've been holding myself in--not letting myself touch her at all, making sure I change clothes in another room, or if that isn't an option, making sure I don't look at her. Generally, she's the only one that talks about my sexuality.
Hey everyone! I haven't posted an entry here in a long time, but I felt like writing one today.
See, I kind of need some help. I haven't decided where I will be going to school in, like, less than a month. I got invited to go to Walnut Hill School to major in creative writing, and so now I'm deciding between regular public high school and WHS. I've been mulling over this for over a month, but now I really have to decide.