Psychological souvernirs are all I bear,
The veins of old passions left desiccated
And slack as I pace slowly through the kitchen
Collecting dry artifacts of love

Etch-n-sketch images of you
Scratched into these walls
Empty portraits, stale half-empty
wine glasses
Whose grapes were born raisins,
but I never noticed-
I had long drunk a case of you.

They say if you eat enough,
You'll never get sick,
a fruit-basket remedy for my pains

I lie on my back, staring up at my 'cure'
this green, apple whose skin's
red taint's like smeared blood
a citrus sacrifice

To save me

But my core is sick,
pips rotting and vanishing into this malady

Or this orange orb,
starkly staring at me, and my dull grey-
paint, shirt stained with apple gore,

Untamed current swept me
In its wake, Zambezi river white waves
Crashing me deep against myself,
Tossing my bold heart from one high to the next
As I kicked, screamed and clutched
At straw… sand

The tide tugging me torn
Body bruised, by the water’s force
-hurt me in a flood
and healed me in a single ebb,
plunging me deeper

I begged for reprieve from this
Ambivalent mess-
That pushed my thresholds

Lately
I’ve been addicted
to you.

I need…
I needle my longing through
With memories of your skin
Smell
Taste
Laugh

I sow them together
forming an imagined tapestry
-Pieces of you
Strung
together like beads
whose colours tell tales of
joy and love

and

All these buildings
Remind me of days when you
Pushed me against a wall

And teased me
Kissed me

Like

it was the first

( also titled :desperate housewives...)

“hurt me,

geeee eeee eee wiz this site has changed since the last time I used to post frequently.. then again so have I...
well i suppose thats a good thing, in any case
today is the day ..well right now its a couple of hours before my birthday...and wow I'm older now

I hate birthdays, i dont know why,but I always get depressed when the day apporaches- its not because I'm tortured or anything, just an irrational dislike I have. oh well.. this is me.

As alarmingly dreary as Accounting may be,
Upon flipping and cringing through pages
Of painful debit and credit
I realize
That before-
I never truly understood what these systems meant
and the dichotomy of life …

Because it’s everywhere,
this double entry
and one seldom sees that which is lewdly
Close to us,
pornographically
Forcing itself upon us,
Planning tests and trials
trying to trap us in a web of failure and self-contempt-

“A chemical imbalance

I know not what this means,
this cryptic union
This intricate labyrinth we staggered into
While rashly sipping the sweetness
Of punch-drunk love.

I’m neither there
nor here,
merely lost in a darkness
that promises light,
yet yields years of dashed hopes
that yoke our every thought.

I am suspended in the memory
Of a utopian dream
we used to live,
the beautiful mirage we shared.

But words can never hurt me,
Oh no, they will crawl down
To the deepest pits,
softest pelts,
and darkest crevices,
of my core-
where they will plant
and sink themselves in
my tenderness.
and as the years progress,
their roots will sprout
and branch out,
like a web-
they’ll wrap
and trap me.
Until I’m spun
Too tightly
To trace the
Roots of
My favorite lie-
“I’m okay.

I’m trapped

My pillow
Has thorns in it,
And though I toss
And turn,
Trying to force my eyes shut,
My face can
Stand neither the sting
Nor the burn..

So here I am
Tired
And desperate-

I can hardly breathe,
The air is still pungent
With memories
Setting my mind
Into the abyss,
And my heart afire,
Razing down
All the progress
I thought I had made-

So here I am
Confused

crazy.

I dont know what this means.
this relationship- i dont understand it any more.
i'm not there anymore
in that special place we used to be together-
but now its just you and the lie..s
in fact, f that i dont lie i just ... dont tell what i'm thinking
dont ask me what i'm thinking
dont ask who i'm texting
dont ask me why i have to go..

coz then you tempt me to lie ...but i just want...

Something in me loves it,
it sends a warm chill down my...spine
like when she touches me,
or does so much as brushes by me
as she hurries off away from me.
i never know where she's going
what she's saying
what she's thinking
what she's doing
or why...
it doesnt matter to me anymore
i just want to be what she wants.

---
damn its been a while since i posted

something tells me i made a potentially big mistake.

just told my girlfriend that we talked too much to each other and i started going off on a tangent about all this 'over exposure' stuff.i guess i just felt backed into a corner... and she was a victim??
no...

maybe its all in my head.

but we did talk too often. yeah we talked EVERYday for like about 3hrs or more and when i was at school with her.. duh i'd hang out with her- which was cool i guess- then i'd get home n she'd wanna talk more...

"its what people want to hear."

"I'll tell you about lies. There are white lies and black lies... and many shades of grey lies. But some lies are justified. Lies told out of kindness. Lies that preserve dignity.

Lies that spare pain.

Everybody's a liar, dear. Look at that.
She's about to tell her lover something patently untrue.
Look at their gestures. See how they touch each other too intimately.