this goes with the last, i was about to sign off when i decided to go back through
my entries and read the comments that people had written about my work.
i want to say, how much i appreciate you guys.
i always have, even when you gave an email or something and i never wrote,
i have always been so happy to felt as though ive been apart of something that is awesome
and inspires others to keep going.
This is me, i havent been on in quite a while.
i have moved, and i dont even remember when my last post was.
my life i have gotten together.
but i do regret to say that this for now will be my last entry.
i have been with this site for over a year.
i am going to keep the link and try to keep up with some of the writers that i admire,
new ones always coming on too.
this site has been such a help im not sure i could explain.
The beauty of the setting sun
Has no words that can describe,
The awesome intense nudity
Of this breathtaking pain I feel inside.
Vulnerable so far away
As rain cascades down my bare skin,
I watch the sunlight fade to dark
As the emptiness is replaced with sin.
Embraces in the light of moon
Shadows of roses in the dusk,
Her body cold and milky white
As she lay upon me her earthy musk.
~A Clinical Depression~
If I go to sleep tonight.
And do not wake upon the day.
My body cold in sheets of white.
Do not let your mind portray,
me; in such an untimely way.
Once chained in absence.
Fear had gone.
Drank my own blood absinthe.
Left me insane but strong.
Taking life with my own hands.
Born of darkness and evil intent.
At times it is difficult to understand.
What drives us to defend.
i do not know why it never occured to me before now, but im a memeber of a gay/les/bi book club via mail and internet. it has some awesome books on tons of stuff, like coming out and abuse and such. it also has novels, (gay novels!!!) and movies and music and stuff. maybe not music, not yet anyway. not sure. but i know others would like it too. it has some stuff that is just plain fiction from everywhere as well. a lot of popular titles and authors. anyway it is costly, but they usually have a lot of deals. its called ISO. which stands for InSightOut Books. you can go to insightoutbooks.com to find out more. and the best part is, if you can afford the bills, that the letters and the packages come to your house like any other club, they dont have any identifying "gayness" or such that is obvious. and i dont think theres an age limit, although im not sure, i first joined a club via mail when i was fifteen i think. so yeah if you guys are interested there you go..
this isnt a story and it isnt a journal entry or anything else. im not sure what it is but i know we dont have a label for it, thats why i put other. ive just been having these thoughts about how with all my pent up sexual energy i would suddenly make love to a woma who i was attracted to. so the following is just thoughts and such that ive been having as of late. guess i want to get it out of my system...
Chained in Pain
All gone away.
Washed down the drain.
With tears of blood and pain.
Watching my life’s sustenance.
Leak from wounds I can still see.
In the ghosts of my dreams.
Slowly, taking my sanity.
Never having known.
The happiness that could be.
Crying all night long.
For the things I lost.
Searching for my own identity.
My many lovers.
Sharp and convincing.
I spend my days painting roses.
Their pink tinted tips.
The warmth of their flowering buds.
The alluring sound of brush on petals and petals on flesh.
Caressing their soft, smooth innocence.
It feels as though i awaken them from their soft, sacred, slumber.
Opening their buds of tepid humidity.
To seize that which will make them grow.
Just a subtle touch. A simple sensation.
My fingers rubbing along the blushing interior.
i guess now that it has been brought to my attention.
i must make ammends to all who knew me. i left quite suddenly and did not return.
i have been doin lots of stuff. just recovered from surgery and being really sick
besides that been busy trying to graduate from school.
grrr. missed so much you know. but i feel i really must apologize because i know i jsut appeared again and havent said a thing. yeah so this is my official apology and the official invite for previous connections if you arent angry with me.
in the wintertime, when the trees are bare and white.
a veil of sweet mystery surrounds the light of the lanterns.
a dancing tune so honeyed that the women cannot flee.
we come together under the stars and move our supple bodies with the cool breath of the night.
there under the iridescent light of the moon, we join together our hands and sing holy melodies.
lustrous evening by the simplistic understanding of each other.
Hold my hand. You will feel what love is.
I am she. Goddess of divinity.
You hold yourself under the ice.
You must take my hand, young one.
Take it and you will see.
You will see what love is.
You only create your own hell.
If i jumped off a cliff, would you?
If that guy over there jumped, would you?
You see, if you take my hand, you too can be of this holy divinity.
IL Pleut. (its raining)
i stumble along in its awning of bleak colors.
these rare moments i have to myself.
as the rain falls down.
i feel the heaviest of burdens being lifted from my weak shoulders.
i hear the unique rhythm as it falls to the already damp pavement.
i see the blossoms reaching their bright swollen petals to the sky, trying to soak up the sun.
swept away upon clouds so high.
my eyes swell with these futile tears.
mercenaries since the dawning of time.
my broken destiny.
fallen are the angels from above.
fallen upon my earthen breast.
my lunacy projecting upon the images of reflection in my soul.
i reflect upon my encouragement to willingly despise myself.
swept away on the waves of the ocean's tide.
Graceful, daunting beauty.
Always appearing angellically armed.
Blessed is the flesh that does not parish at your touch.
I hold you close, even though i shed tears of darkest titillating red.
You are a lover of romance, timeless and vain.
Your purpose, always unclear to me.
I have these urges, seeing you, glowing with the evening's fresh dew.
Gift of symbolism, more than what you seem.
Symbolically establishing those sensual capabilities.
i like erotica. its alright. i own some. but sometimes i think that it seems more like porn. i mean my mother tells me its exactly like porn but i know it isnt the same. some erotica is really loving and sensual instead of just plain nasty and sexual so you can get your freak on. its something i wanted to experience because well hell its there and that means im gonna do it. what is thought of erotica by all you? do you like it. or is it just gross? i don knoe...