Basically

sistinesylph — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 11:34:42 +0300

Basically I am writing this because I can talk to no one else.

That's not really true. I have four best friends who are absolutely amazing and a boyfriend who I love dearly, but I want to talk to someone who is impartial, who is not personally invested in my life and goals.

The Break-Up

sistinesylph — Fri, 19 Dec 2008 12:12:07 +0300

Last night, my two roommates, J and E, came downstairs to talk to me, B, and M. They said that they had been talking with a couple other girls and they decided that they would rather live with them next year. And it fucking sucked. Firstly, we had been making plans all month long about our living arrangements our senior year.

A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

sistinesylph — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 10:21:45 +0300

I am okay. I just want to send this out into the world to someone else. Someone I can be more honest with.

This is What I Know

sistinesylph — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 11:33:25 +0300

I sent her an e-mail saying that I would never love anyone as much as I love her.
Afterwards, I started making a list of what I now know:
I know that I was genuinely in love with her. This was established not by how much I loved her but by the fact that I wanted to kiss her and hug her and hold her so badly.

To You...

sistinesylph — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 09:08:24 +0300

Dear you,

I am going to start this by saying I am writing without any hope, without any motivation. I have wished so hard that by writing to you, I would be able to convince you that you should love me. That is not fair of me to expect you to change who you are, and so I write to oasis instead.

Therapy

sistinesylph — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 10:22:17 +0400

I started writing this on my e-mail journal as part of self-initiated therapy. This is only the first half. I was going to change the ending so that I got the girl, but even now that everything is out in the open, I can't even let myself have this fantasy. I will work on it, but anyway, here is part one.

Je t'aime beaucoup

sistinesylph — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 13:17:29 +0400

She knows I am in love with her and she still wants to be with my friend. She acts as if everything is normal. She smiles at me and lets me hug her and when I tell her I love her, she tells me loves me back.

I think

sistinesylph — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 15:58:38 +0400

I think I might tell my boyfriend that I am gay.

I may be..

sistinesylph — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 11:02:31 +0400

I may be a little drunk so this might not make full sense, but that girl I have been talking about is sitting next to me, doing her homework, rocking out to her music, and she looks so beautiful. I try not to stare as she sings her songs and punches numbers into her calculator.

Suprising turn of Events

sistinesylph — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 04:31:46 +0400

So I had been stressing out about this letter all week long and every other thing in my life so I e-mailed her a different letter talking about everything that was going on my life. She e-mailed me back and it turns out, she hadn't even read the letter. Everything I had felt, everything I had thought were completely irrelevant.

Always

sistinesylph — Sun, 14 Sep 2008 09:13:19 +0400

I am always going to be in love with her. That's all there is to it. I told her how I feel and she has been wonderful and I hoped that would stop the feelings but I guess really I was just hoping she would tell me that she loved me back.

Flip.

Aftermath of the Letter

sistinesylph — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 09:19:30 +0400

This morning when she took a shower, I sneaked the letter into her room, and without running, ran away to class. I don't know when she read it but she has been friendly all day and is still speaking to me. We haven't talked and I kind of think we should but there's time later.

The Letter

sistinesylph — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 00:56:32 +0400

I wrote this for her. Now I know you are all thinking, "Letters are lame." That's true but if I don't do it like this, I will never do it.

Complications

sistinesylph — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 10:04:28 +0400

Things are always so complicated. Complications I am facing at this moment:

1. I have a boyfriend.
2. She is straight.
3. Telling her could ruin our friendship or worse make things awkward.
4. The fact that I have been in love with her for two years will be extremely evident if I tell her how I feel now.
5. I love my boyfriend so much.

Confessions

sistinesylph — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 00:11:09 +0400

Dear mg,

I just wanted to tell you, as bluntly as I can, I am so in love with you and have been for longer than I can remember. I dream about you everyday and long to have something besides my dream to hold on to. You are perfect in every way. I wish that someday you would say the same.

Sincerely,
marie