Would You Ever Kill A Customer?

Rikki — Sun, 24 Apr 2005 03:33:45 +0400

The last four months I have been trying to get a job that isn't in a factory, that isn't a place like the last place I worked. But, now it seems I have to go back to work there. I sent my application in to the place Friday. Apparently, it costs money to make money. Gas money and the like, has drained me. So, at the very least I will work there until I can get hired another place. If I even get hired there.

Yay

Rikki — Tue, 11 Jan 2005 22:15:23 +0300

I haven't really put anything down for awhile, cause well, it all seemed like the same stuff. I wrote, but just didn't keep it. But good things are happening. So yay. To start, my car is going to be fixed. Yay. And if all goes as planned I'll be out of the house and with a job within two weeks. This is good news. I can finally start doing the things I want and need to do. And if my family can't handle who I am. Well. I won't be dependant anymore.

Figured It Out

Rikki — Mon, 29 Nov 2004 01:36:01 +0300

I got a phone call. I should have guess this would happen. There is no turning back now. She found out what PFLAG was. I got the call. It all started out fine. What do you want for christmas? Then she asks. I guess she didn't know how to ask. Was I in the group because of my preference or because I was supporting someone? And I couldn't say a thing. All I could do was say yeah and sure and try to keep from crying over the phone.

A Meal, A Wedding

Rikki — Sun, 28 Nov 2004 05:02:57 +0300

Thanksgiving. Not very eventful. Saw people. Ate. Etc. The ride there was more interesting. So, I drive home thanksgiving morning and the only person still there is my mom. She was/is on call but she practically insisted I ride with her instead of taking seperate vehicles. So, anyways, I forget how it goes, it had something to do with the wedding, but I end up telling her I joined PFLAG. She doesn't ask what it stands for. So I don't know. I can only hint so much. Then there was this wedding today, saturday. It was for the two guys that like started up the PFLAG group in this area. Not a lot happened there I guess. Weddingy stuff. You probably know.

So, This Is It

Rikki — Thu, 18 Nov 2004 05:13:17 +0300

I went to register for classes today. And it turns out. I have enough credits to graduate this December with a AA and a AS. So yeah. Heres to being flipped to random councelors who don't know what they are doing.

So now I'm trying to decide what to do. I don't know what my chances of actually getting into a college for spring classes. Probably bad, even if I could a lot of classes are usually progressive. Starting in fall. SO. Maybe I can find a job quick. A nice one. Not factory stuff. Then I'll start at a four year in the fall. Mmm. I'm putting my foot down here. I can use the "I need stuff on my resume" excuse too.

I Am No One's Beast Of Burden

Rikki — Wed, 10 Nov 2004 09:34:50 +0300

Have you ever had one of those "straw that broke the camel's back" moments? Well this camel is throughly pissed off. What set me off? Some of my earrings popped out and I lost a back. Silly isn't it? Of course it isn't that simple.

All the holes are infected. All of them. Eight. And I have to look at them. I have to look at the ugly and it pisses me off. Every single thing lately has been really weighing on me. College stuff. Family issues. Lonelyness. And now I have to look at this mess. Sure. I suspected it. I didn't know a damn thing about this stuff. First couple weeks I thought I was turning them but it was just the backs. And now they are out. And you know what? That damn parasite just shot itself in the face. I will not live for anyone or anything else anymore.

Afternoon Phone Call

Rikki — Mon, 08 Nov 2004 06:46:10 +0300

I got a phone call this afternoon. Mom: Your an uncle now. And you have
now have responsibilties and such. Me: Wha?

Paraphrased for your convenience, of course. Yeah. I didn't like how that
was phrased. And I really don't know what to think about it either...

Things have been kinda... soggy lately. Like you could just go to sleep
and nothing really matters. Like that tired feeling you get on the weekends

We Laugh, We Cry

Rikki — Tue, 12 Oct 2004 05:39:28 +0400

I suppose this is a rant. But I'm not angry really. Mostly disappointed and ashamed.

It's amazing how quickly people prey on other people's differences. This became very apparant in Psychology class. Today was chapter 13. Psychological Disorders.

Crazy people are the last safest comedic target it seems. Or as my professor put it... "This is the 1-800 Psychiatric Disorder Hotline, Press 1 repeatedly if you are Obsessive Compulsive... Press 4,5,6 if you have multiple personalities... If you are schizophrenic wait a moment and a little voice will tell you what number to press... ". Like that.

Spin, Spin, Wheel Of Change

Rikki — Tue, 05 Oct 2004 07:13:28 +0400

Well. Today was fun. Seriously.

I decided I'd take the single room and I moved everything over to my new room. Now I have lots of room and all that's comes with a single room.

Also. There was another PFLAG meeting at the church. It's like a first monday of the month thing. I've gotten to know some of the people a bit better. One of the people is a professor at the college. I joined in with the Safe Schools Initiative break out group. It's nice to be part of a group that's actually physically doing stuff, instead of just talking about it. Today was like a politician thing. Which ones supported or opposed certain legislation. Also learned that October 11 is National Coming Out Day. Crazy stuff. All good fun. A nice break.

Higher Education

Rikki — Fri, 01 Oct 2004 05:27:42 +0400

Higher education disappoints me.
I pay you. You teach me.
I don't pay you to brainwash me.

Now, I've had my problems with classes before. Calculus theories. Art
critics. Ecetera. But this is like the last straw.

So, tonight in General Psychology, the professor says babies say "dada" sooner then "mama", because it's easier to say. Whoop-de-freaking-do, you might say. Well this is the exact opposite of what I'm told in Human Growth and Development. But it doesn't stop there. I got back the 2nd test today. A good number of the questions would have been correct had we been in the Human Growth and Development class. This is the drawing point. Two classes, same material. I shouldn't have to remember two sets of answers and to which class they belong. Nnn.

Ick

Rikki — Wed, 29 Sep 2004 07:29:44 +0400

It's a frustrating thing. Forgetting. You forget you are doing it. No joke. I catch myself repeating rants not to forget, word for word. I catch myself doing this on the walks. It always turns out the same. Same words. Then I forget it.

I've had these deep little talks with myself right before I go to sleep. I jump outta bed. Scratch down a couple words. And in the morning they are just words. Ick. Crazy stuff. I just stopped careing...

Mmm Happy Stuff

Rikki — Wed, 15 Sep 2004 06:53:54 +0400

It felt, for so long, that my life just one trial or problem after another. Wow. Sooooo.... There is a GLBT group in my area. PFLAG, Parents Friends Family of Lesbians and Gays. So. I saw the posting up on the message boards and went to the meeting. It was great. This happy stuff is addictive. Rawr. Got some information and plan on going to the next meetings.

Not any of the other things really seem to bring me down.

Yay Or Something

Rikki — Tue, 31 Aug 2004 06:54:45 +0400

Today was or is the first day of classes. Back at college. I'm happy. Sorta. If this year ends right I should have a bachelor of arts and a bachelor of science. So I'll have something to get me a half decent job so I have some sort of makeshift safety net. It's so nice to get out of that house. It was like on the verge of some kinda civil war.

The packing up of things to get here was interesting. Digging through stuff I found some old stuff of mine. Wind up toys. Old pictures. Marbles. It's the oddest thing looking at a picture of yourself from like 10 years ago. You remember the oddest things. Nothing really important, but interesting. Buttons. Stuff.

The Drive Home

Rikki — Tue, 17 Aug 2004 23:15:28 +0400

Driving around, tonight, in the fog. It's beautiful and scary. You can maybe see twenty feet in front of you. Everything is all hazy. The streetlights make everything orange. Like you are driving into a sunset. The leftover bits of a sunset. Those orange ones. Those red and orange sunsets. The farm lights are like little lighthouses guiding you home. And you know you've been here before. This is the same path you take every night. But it's different because it's all foggy and you can't see anything. So you forget you've been this way. All whole new journey and when you finally get home it's like you've returned from this long expedition. A wary traveler returning home. Cats are running about. Playing their own little secret games. Like little dock workers. Going about. Doing their jobs. You don't know what they are doing. But you know they are busy and hard at work. It's all a dream. So beautiful. This adventure. This is what adventure should be like. Mysterious. A mystery around every corner. You never know what's going to happen. This is what I want.

A "Normal" Weekend Plus Feminist Sexists

Rikki — Mon, 02 Aug 2004 21:19:14 +0400

This weekend was surprisingly decent.

Mom and I went to Mankato. I picked up a voice recorder to keep notes (so maybe these posts will become a bit more coherent) and to train my voice. So that makes me happy. The bookstore was fun too. Mutts is like my favorite comic so I had to get a Mutts book. While there, though, I saw two books on same-sex marriage. One for, another against. Really makes me wonder why a person would need a book on such a cut and dry issue... The Village was an interesting movie. Really twisty.