AARGH! Ok, this has nothing to do with being a queer youth, but I HATE GROUP PROJECTS!!!

squirrel: n. 1 tree-dwelling rodent with a bushy tail. 2 fur of this animal. v.tr. hoard

Today has been suprisingly not bad, considering it's a Monday. I just finished doing my Japanese homework; it was much less painful than it usually is. Of course, it was nice not having to trek across campus in the 6 degree weather to go to the language lab to do it...but that's besides the point.

Last Friday I received the necklaces I'd ordered online...One's a hemp necklace w/rainbow colored beads weaved in, and the other one has the female-female symbol on it. I've been wearing the second one all day, and I find myself wondering if people actually notice.

I am sooooo bored and very frustrated at the moment. I wish I knew how to go out and meet people, have fun, etc. I'm not old enough to go to the gay bars/clubs in town, and I don't know of any gay "parties" here on campus, lol. I don't even really have any friends throwing parties or anything. There's NOTHING to do!!! :P I could go to one of the numerous mardi gras parties being thrown in the numerous guys' dorms on campus, but I just don't get much pleasure out of being squished in a room with 30 people I don't know, plus everyone there would assume I was straight. *sigh*

For those who haven't followed my life's events very closely (which is most of you, I'm sure), I've had a crush on my friend Erin since Freshman Orientation. I've come to realize that she is, without a doubt, straight, so I'm trying to focus my attention elsewhere. However, I still have a bit of a crush on her. Well, we were talking about room assignments for next year at dinner the other night, and she said that maybe she and I could room together...

I talked to my sister the other night on the phone, and she told me she'd come out to our Dad. He seemed fine about it and all, but he said the funniest thing when she told him...

I feel really happy for the first time in awhile. Don't get me wrong, my life's far from perfect, but now it feels like everything will be okay, eventually. It's like something inside of me just clicked...My dilemma of the moment is what to do about my upcoming Dorm Dance.

This has possibly been the most important weekend since arriving here at the beginning of the school year, in terms of personal growth. The retreat I went on for GLB students was absolutely wonderful. I got sooooooo much out of it...the theme of the retreat was "bridging the gap between two worlds", pointing mostly to the gap between our place in the gay culture, and then our place in the overly heterosexual culture as a homosexual. So many of the things we talked about were issues I've personally been dealing with over these past few weeks.

Why is it that when I have the most free time, I get the least amount of work done?

Thanks to the few of you who responded to my last blog, written at oh...1 am, a few nights ago. I am feeling better...

I should've known this was coming. I've felt it approaching for weeks, like how you can sense an impending storm by the smell and feel of the air. I'm sure I did know, somewhere inside me. But I ignored any warnings I may have given myself and now I find myself sitting at my computer struggling not to cry.

None of my friends here know that I'm a lesbian... I think that will be changing soon.

There's something oddly attractive about people who look like they could be either male or female. Last night at work there was this guy, who at first, I thought was a girl. It took me about five minutes of sneaking glances across the room at him before I was sure he was a he.

I sit here at my desk and stare at the application in front of me: Standing Committee for Gay and Lesbian Student Needs--Application for Undergraduate Student Members. I also think about the OutreachND club; the unofficial student run support group. They, too need officers for next school year...specifically a female co-chair aka co-president. Could I really do this? Do I want to do this? Why did I print out the appication if I don't?

A piece that came to me while I was sitting in Econ class today, mulling over the ever-prominant fact that none of my friends here know that I'm gay.