Inexplicable

niks121997 — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 04:14:17 +0300

-I wrote this a month ago as a stream of consciousness bit, which explains the incomplete sentences and horrid grammar. It's very repetitious and at times disorganized. Alas...

Boxes and Stockings

niks121997 — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:22:40 +0300

It always comes back to this one question. What am I doing with my life to impact, help, and transform others? Am I? And that bit hints at the underlying question that tinges all my insecurities and issues. It’s a usually silent but occasionally clawing uncertainty in my value, my quality, my goodness. What am I worth really?

But what have I, but what have I, my friend, to give you, what can you receive from me?

Blurt

niks121997 — Sat, 12 Dec 2009 06:56:10 +0300

-I wrote this in about two minutes, free-form. Usually I approach writing differently and lately it's been tinged with psychology but this one is slightly different.

Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

niks121997 — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 05:36:24 +0300

--To be edited at a future date. Made less uh...academic.

Rawls

niks121997 — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 05:03:20 +0300

I feel like writing something of my own but the words aren't here yet. So I'll post a snippet from a lecture series at Harvard for now as I may have something brewing along these lines. Maybe.

Aside- I finished reading "Neverwhere" last weekend, which took any fantastical thoughts I may have about the El and expanded them so wonderfully in ways I never considered. Now of course I look at my daily commute in an entirely different light. Beautiful.

And now for the snippet.

Rippling

niks121997 — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 03:28:39 +0400

I listened to the “In the Heights” soundtrack in its entirety today and found it to be absolutely fantastic. After hearing the line, “No te vayas. Si me dejas Si te alejas de mi seguiras en mis recuerdos para siempre,” I thought of a song I hadn’t listened to or thought of in ten years.

Wind

niks121997 — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 04:10:53 +0400

I love the sound of wind in the leaves, rustling and uplifting. I wish I could capture the sound in vivo and replay it, but recordings are never completely true to the original. Wind is near the top of my list of favorite sounds, which goes something like this: the swoosh of a basketball net, thunder and rain, wind, and fire crackling in a fireplace.

It's quite difficult to describe sounds or any of the other senses for that matter. But perhaps description is not as important as the experience, focusing on that things are instead of how they are.

Finis.

niks121997 — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 04:39:23 +0400

I have finished the Sandman series. I feel bereft though this is not new as I habitually become attached to fictional characters but never have I felt similarly toward an idea, a personification. There were a few nights where I fell asleep thinking about the content and characters, and these thoughts may have crept in my dreams though I have no memory of it upon awakening.

Wolves At The Gate

niks121997 — Sun, 02 Aug 2009 08:40:56 +0400

I know what this is. I know you didn’t just…turn gay all of the sudden…

Right. Wait…

How do you know that? Did I do something wrong? Because I’m flying blind here. It’s not like they make instruction manuals for these sorts of things.

Actually, they do.

Okay, but I haven’t read them . I didn’t get a lot of prep time here, and I think that should be taken into consideration before final grades are given.

....

Unsurprisingly Familiar

niks121997 — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 05:48:38 +0400

My mum has recently taken to bicycling with a high intensity, biking 30 to 40 miles at a time. She tells me her miles clocked with tones of pride and determination in her voice yet there is an underlying thread of dissatisfaction. Persistent dissatisfaction.

Unsurprisingly familiar.

I am gathering evidence for my belief in my pattern of suppression.

Soft Focus

niks121997 — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 06:54:18 +0400

I walked in the rain tonight. Unthinking and unfeeling, simply letting the water fall onto my bare arms, as I stood still in the school playground near my apartment. Watching rain drops cling to the new growth on the budding trees and catching sight of a rabbit scampering through the bushes, the world was in soft focus because I left my glasses and contacts behind. Hoping that something-the rain, the night, the silence- will trigger an emotional response.

Path

niks121997 — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 09:08:43 +0300

I just took a quick spin down the path of Oasis’ past, back in my early posting days, in search of something…I’m not quite sure what. Maybe someday soon I’ll realize my guiding fiction as much as possible and trace my line of movement to the best of my ability. Constructive, creative, active. I have Individual Psychology in my head, forgive me. But it was lovely re-reading entries of those who have left their mark and departed, contributing to the growth and evolution of the community.

Mirror, Mirror

niks121997 — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 23:59:01 +0400

What do you see when you look in the mirror?

A (Almost) Familiar Feeling

niks121997 — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 00:42:17 +0400

What is this sharp feeling in my chest that strikes without warning, tiny slivers of emotion? It is distantly familiar, a blur in the back of my mind. Welcome in its implication. Nearly forgotten but entirely recognizable.

This feeling I'm having?

It is contact and relation. Connection.

I miss someone.

Forward

niks121997 — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 07:32:30 +0400

Last night I began to delete my old posts, and tonight I finished the job. For someone with a faulty memory and a reliance on the written word to recall events in her life, this is quite the action.

I deleted three-fourths of what was written here. Not that I think this is of monumental importance or even is noteworthy but still I document it.