So I'll be spending Christmas very, very far back in the closet. Yup, it's Holidays at the W's, with conservative talk carols playing and Republicans gleaming beneath the Christmas tree.
Apparently I can't safely come out to anyone on the W side. Except Aunt L & Uncle R, but they're only 2/13 of the family. Grandma & Grandpa are conservative republican Polish Roman Catholics & the rest of the family is Jewish, Christian or my parents (who told me not to tell anyone). I would consider coming out to my cousin, but if she's a homophobe then sharing a room could be awkward.....

Hey, y'all, I'm back from Canada. It was my (belated) birthday present from my mom, so we went shopping & stuff. I took my mom to the F21 Grande Opening in Vancouver where I got a cute mod dress in black & pink & a blue skirt. We also went to Zara, where I got a much-needed winter coat.

None of my teachers remember my name. They call me Maddie & I've told them since registration that my name is M-A-D-E-L-E-I-N-E Ma-duh-LIN!!!
My history partner leans around me to talk about things like "Did you see her knockers on Skype last night?" to his friend all period.
My theatre group decides on games w/out me, then G informs me that "Well, the people over HERE wanted this..." when I make suggestions, and the "nice" openly gay boy I wanted to be friends w/ makes fun of me for making my own costume (btw, look who's talking, Mr. Perm!).

1. yesterday in biology Z, Rt & I were writing down the answers to some questions together when I realized I had forgotten the new vocabulary words.
"What are those micro-pores again?" I asked, frowning.
"Soulmates," Z said, looking right at me. My heart literally stopped beating and I stared at him completely uncomprehending.
"What?!" I could barely keep my voice from shaking in surprise.
"Stomates," he repeated.
"Oh."
2. Today in rehearsal A, E, & I were sitting (S was nearby but not really w/ us) and talking. I perched on A's lap & E was at our feet, stretched out like a cat.

We play our games
You tell your puns and
Tell me I'm weird
But in a cute way
When I catch you watching me writing the minutes till the end of class
And then I keep going to keep you watching
And you insist on banter
But you don't know what you're getting into, honey
Because this is a girl who goes home to the mirror to see what she looked like when she smiled at you
But I want to know what boy you are
With your frisbee club
And the way you agreed to my dancing offer
I want to know what kind of boy
Wants to know what kind of girl I am

...a pretty good one, actually. At last count here is my inventory for the year:
1 mini fridge, drinks included
--Mom & Dad
1 super cushy bathroom rug
--Mom
1 colorchanging Sonic Screwdriver pen (green & black)
--Dad
1 Van Gogh exploding TARDIS tee
--Dad
1 Doctor Who noisemaking backpack clip
--Dad
Fuzzy PJ set w/ socks
--Mom
1 peacock-colored flashlight
--Mom
2 books (The Playwrite's Workout & Fly Trap, a sequel to my favorite children's book)
--Dad
2 giftcards ($50 A&F; $100 F21)
--Nanna & Papa Jim (grandparents); Mom & Dad
1 check ($50)
--Gma & Gpa W.

"Well, you guys all know we've been debating some different ideas for the Spring musical, and MaddieJoy here has one with some characters you might know...MaddieJoy? Go ahead."
I stood, straightened my lucky shirt, and smiled, walking in front of the stage to face the 14 glassy-eyed students who stared down at me.
"Hi, I'm MaddieJoy, some of you might know me from theatre class..." I spent the next five minutes giving them all the information I could think of pertaining to my rather unorthodox idea.
"What's Buffy the Vampire Slayer?"

My dad took me on a ridiculously long walk toward my theatre the other day. We were going to go through the Stepford neighborhood, but instead he suddenly turned in a different direction and we just kept walking until I realized we were nearing the theatre. Suddenly I could feel my mind racing as I remembered the plans for a Hunger Games-themed Laser Tag party I had had to give up...and just as we were about to arrive at the birthday party of my dreams we veered off the path into the woods and got totally lost for 1/2 an hour.

My favorite song's lyrics:

Softly as in a morning sunrise
The light of love comes stealing
Into a newborn day

Flaming with all the glow of sunrise
A burning kiss is sealing
A vow that all betray

For the passions that thrill love
And take you high to heaven
Are the passions that kill love
And let it fall to hell
So ends the story

Softly as in a morning sunrise
The light that gave you glory
Will take it all away

Softly as in a morning sunrise
The light of love comes stealing
Into a newborn day
Flaming with all the glow of sunrise
A burning kiss is sealing

"He should have messy brown hair, an English accent, like the same stuff as me..."
This is an inexact transscript of a conversation I had around midnight at a sleepover a few months ago. Here's a description of J, a boy I eat lunch with each day:

This account is from the anonymous Chronicle of Queen Jane and of Two Years of Queen Mary.
‘...was there a scaffold made upon the green over against the White Tower, for the said Lady Jane to die upon....TThe hangman went to her to help her therewith; then she desired him to let her alone, and also with her other attire and neckercher, giving to her a fair handkercher to knit about her eyes.

The frosty air bit her nose as a small girl in a grey woolen coat hurried down the street, struggling to keep up with her wizened companion. Ever few feet the old woman would look back and scowl at her, interrupting the steady plunk plunk plunk of her walking stick. Then she would turn and continue on her way at an invigorated pace, leaving her charge to huff and puff her way along behind.

so my friend A has lost all semblance of a personality. It's like she's become high school, you know? Everything is centred around school, even if that's not what she's talking about. And I wish I could talk to her about my life but that would mean coming out cause I HAVE A CRUSH ON A GIRL!!!!
...And there's really no way to talk about why I like her while making her sound like a guy. Ya kno. Cause she's a girl.

Is the passing from this life really so mournful a thing?
for truly, every moment we are passing from one world into another,
never to see the former again.

Today in Comp Mr. Richards had us write about what animals we are most like. I wrote about a fox, because I look like one (my face is kind of angular and I'm always serious-looking) and we're both good at adapting. Also because I'm a loner, just like a fox, but I didn't say that. I rarely give legitimate reasons for personal things when I'm writing in class.