a text on nothing

angel syndrome — Wed, 17 Apr 2013 23:12:24 +0400

i would just like to be quiet with someone who understands the ways of why i can't continue right now, i feel so anchored to something which wants to keep me unwell. how do you cope with such a strange and frightening body? i hate it, i hate it! i don't want to take too-many medicines. i don't want to be afraid of turning the page.

i need to believe in love like some people believe in faerie-tales but more often than not i find myself even more alone within it. i wish you could visit me more often, i can't stand waiting in this springtime.

syndromed

angel syndrome — Sat, 13 Apr 2013 05:00:54 +0400

i suppose that when i take
pills but i'm not sick
it really means i'm
sicker than i
thought i
was.

tide

angel syndrome — Wed, 10 Apr 2013 08:14:39 +0400

from black to blue to bluer still
you wanted higher, but
i'd rather stay
i'd rather
drown

a verb

angel syndrome — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 00:52:48 +0400

"to love", or to find the
the parts shattered
in you, yet
deciding to
touch that
broken
glass.

(see also: the voice within
that speaks inside me
at 3 AM, dreaming
of your body
replacing the
heating
unit.)

easy to kill

angel syndrome — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 07:22:00 +0400

my heart was a street so dark, a small country road where drunk drivers drive too fast, where metal bodies collide with small animals. winter was an unbearable season. on the good days the ice was thick and the cars went right off the road, out of control ; on the worst of them the snow was so heavy to even see and people preferred to stay indoors.

the dream of horses

angel syndrome — Thu, 28 Mar 2013 08:36:53 +0300

i had a dream of ponies running up and down
your arms again, making new bruises
in the same places that you've
found them in the past
year.

(oh, all i can ask
is that you do
not go where
i can no
longer
follow)

http://youtu.be/ohYVsdSAhhs ☆=

zero

angel syndrome — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 08:59:09 +0300

Where are you? Your voice
has escaped from me and
I worry that when I
look inside my heart
and call for you,
you will not
hear.

You are missing from me,
and sometimes loving
you is like hearing
they found a dead
child on the news,
only they don't
announce the
name.

So I stay afire, after dark, waiting
for your voice on the telephone
and ink marks forming
letters on hospital
stationary.

I just want to open the doors
to all the haunted houses
inside you and say
"I'm home."

(http://youtu.be/s1tAYmMjLdY ♡)

(sleeping heart ) ☽ النوم القلب

angel syndrome — Thu, 21 Mar 2013 05:52:48 +0300

Today is March 20th and today is also the day that my boyfriend has left for rehab for the next four and something months. I am not sure how to feel right now, because I miss him dearly already, I miss his hands and his mouth and his voice that says 'I love you' and 'You are the world to me'. I am sad that he is missing from me. But he is safe, and love is winning, and for this, I am blessed. The last words he said to me as he left were 'you saved my life'.

☆ 生きている ☆

angel syndrome — Thu, 21 Feb 2013 08:20:22 +0300

I find that as I grow older I only grow stranger, I find myself grasping on to the idea of boyhood like it's a vine on a cliff named Soon-to-Be Twenty. It's not a question of being afraid of maturity or responsibility, but trying to hold on to wonder, to magic. I may be clever, but I certainly hope that in the face of the universe I'll stay a child, constantly dazzled by the new.

mercenary

angel syndrome — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 23:22:28 +0300

to the wound that i belong to,

i am sorry for

constantly

A brief update!

angel syndrome — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 08:35:56 +0300

Hello everyone and happy new year! I hope you all have had an okay month.

I am currently in New York with my boyfriend and I have just shown him a few of my journals. It is one of the most beautiful moments of my life. We have shared so much over the past month. I love him more everyday, more than I ever believed possible.

I simply wanted to stop in and wish you all warmth and kindness over the follwing year. <3

a last journal, for a while, at least.

angel syndrome — Sun, 09 Dec 2012 22:49:47 +0300

✁ (http://mustaphamond.bandcamp.com/track/blood-moon) ✂ Blood Moon by Mustapha Mond ✃

♡ 私はあなたの近くに感じてほしい ♡

angel syndrome — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 10:11:19 +0300

° . * Closer - The Tiny : ˜ http://youtu.be/4GbDa2UnAO4 ° . *

˜

angel syndrome — Mon, 26 Nov 2012 07:55:27 +0300

√ http://youtu.be/bTre20HWNsg ,
(She's A) Universal Emptiness - Swans

At eleven thirty on someone
else's couch he turns
to me and says: "You
are the most important thing in
my life right now" and I wouldn't be
angry for what he had done
anymore.

☆ `˜~

angel syndrome — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 11:51:00 +0300

; '˜ http://youtu.be/6efeMgZ1cGA ☆

A man on a streetcar once
said to all: "I met a girl named
Dream last night" and
another shuddered: "I have
been breathing too
much lately.

"i love you,
i love your private hell" she
says to the girl with the bruise
on her arms.

so i sat and memorized
the shape of his hand and spied
on his skin.

* ~ ;

(I have been away! I'm back, I think!)