I walk, I talk, I mature, I see blood

What is madness but the minds way of understanding with that which needs understanding but to which no medium of similar context can be found with witch to identify so that a stable mind can then understand but when that mind can not find that medium to which something bears resemblance that mind then becomes unstable creating that which is labeled madness.

Madness
Insanity
Crazy
Imbecile
illogical fear
fantasy carried to a point that blocks out what is know as reality

My head is sooooo freaking messed up right now.

For some reason when ever I hear some one mumble or say some thing I can't quite hear my mind translates it into Japenese and I can't even understand Japenese!!!

See I really want to learn and understand Japenese but I don't know where to go to learn it so I found this site that shows anime and and the show that i'm watching is in Japenese with english subtitles. So I watch the episode, read the subtitles, and form the Japenese words with my mouth so that I'll be more familier with the language when I do finally get lessons.

Has anyone here done any acting at all?

See at my school were doing this thing with cameras and one of my friends wants me to act for his 5 min. video.

See I'm not a very out going person it took me like 5 min for me to gather enough courage to even start acting and I think I did pretty good but the whole time we were filming it I felt like... I don't know but my heart was pounding, and I was shaking as if I was scared, which I might have been but I can't really remember.

Hiya everyone so am I really trans?

Okay so I've been reading other peoples accounts of how they feel about being transgendered and how there were all these signs from back when they were kids and all this... drama? thats been going on since, how they have these intense feelings of the other sex, and they all sound so sure of themselves.

Thats the problem.

Right now when I try feeling around inside I feel two things 1. my femininity, and 2. boredom like it's old news and isn't important any more.

YAY!!!!!

today's my birthday!!!!

=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)=)

Any way I just thought I'd tell you all that I'm another year older and I’d like to tell you how old but for internet safety’s sake let’s just say I'm 15, 16, or 17 years old or is it 25, 26, or 27?

So I've had a pretty good day,
I got off baseball practice or "conditioning",
I've finally got my laptop back (I had to have reimaged because windows security keeps infecting it),
And I've got my creative mojo flowing again in other words I've started writing again.

Sigh I'm just depressed today.

See for awhile now I've been looking on youtube at all the transitioning or sucseffully transitioned wemon and I see them and Its like a poison seeping into my veins. I see them and then I see myself and I just want it all to start happening, I don't want to wait for hormones, and for counselling and all that.

I just want it all to be done with already so that I can go back to school as a girl in every sence of the word. I want to laugh with my friends and just talk with them about meaningless every day things, as me, as my true self.

But I can't

Helllo every body!!!!! (*^_^*)

So I haven't been on In a loonnngggg while so here's an update ok? ok.

Well lets see, I talked to the school counselor about my gender dysphobia, oh WOW was I nervous ^_^, I think the best way to describe it would be to say I was rabbity not foaming at the mouth you know rabbity as in bunnies any way it felt like at a moments notice I would bolt out the door.

Alright so I was looking around on you tube and I found this one user and I checked out one of her episodes and I saw that she had another episode that had a hypnosis thing on it.

So I checked it out, I listened to it, and went into a sort of trance.

When I got out of the trance I found myself with a lot for energy and feeling more feminine than I've felt in a... well more feminine than I can ever remember feeling.

Oh my godess!!!!

So I'm at school (the fire wall dosen't block this site) and were starting a new semester one of my classes got changed and as a result this thing happened and now I'm scared.

So along with a new class I've also got a new lunch period, so I've got to not only find a new table but also a new group and here's what I did.

I circle the room like once and finnaly find a near empty table ( there are plenty off empty tables but I don't want to eat alone) soo I put my stuff down and do to the bathroom, I come back and there are five girls at the table!!!!!

Ok so like the title says I'm reaserching estrogen and and ways to get at it with out going through a docter or paying really high prices for them (because I have yet to get a job and my banky book is.... somewhere) or coming out (whispery voice) to my parents (now loud voice) OR ANY ONE ELSE FOR THAT MATTER.

So I know that there's stuff out there and I'm not stupid enough to use it without a docters help (or am I?).

So I just want to know my opptions, so any help? is welcome.

P.s. and on a more squirrly note here's a site with a seriously demented squirle

Why is it that when I try to post a coment It gets blocked!!!!
It wasn't so bad when it started out but NOW!!! It won't even let me prove that the post isn't spam.
and who would want to spam Oasis anyway?

Well that's all I've got to say for now.

BYE
(*^_^*)

Why do only the females get to have purses?
It’s not fair, I mean sure they’ve got a lot more stuff to carry around but so do I and it would be one less thing to do in the morning cause I have to chose what stuff I’m going to put into my pockets for school.
Well sure I could put it into my book bag but then it’s a bit harder to get to and I either won’t do it or just forget that that’s where I put my stuff, maybe that makes me lazy but I’d rather be lazy with a purse than… well unlazy (yes, I know unlazy isn’t a word and I DON’T CARE) without a purse.

BABBLE TIME!!!!

YAY!!! Lacy's saved!!!

For those of you who are wondering Lacy is my golden retriever (a dog).

My mom went to wherever to get her a week or so after christmas but Lacy started sheding A LOT she was covering some of the down stairs furniture with a fine layer of fur.

Well mom couldn't handle it and wanted to get her a new home but I convinced her to get a better comb and after she saw how well it (the comb) worked she decided it wasn't such a mistake to get her (lacy).

URGENT NEW BULLETIN!!!!

Well? How can you?
Somehow I

Like-Warmth
but also like the-cold.

Like- my brother
and would like- him to go away.

Like- not being hugry
and like- how being hugry makes me feel.

Like- my long hair
and would like- it to need less care.

Oh and a quick random fact- Rattle snake rattle's are made of cells that are simmilar to human nails.

bye(^_^)

Okay so here's what's going on.
Me and my mom are coming back home from my guitar lesson and I cautiously opened the subject of chat rooms and with some careful mavuvering I moved the topic over to lesbians and gays. So I ask her what do you think of them and she starts going on about how they're not to be hated (which I donn't hate them) but that they're not exactly right (I disagre) and It's not how "God" made us.
So I'm thinking wow and what would she think if I was to tell her that I might be a trans.
...
Dad seriously how do you expect him to act when you use that tone of voice.