i've been doing some thinking and reflecting for a bit and everything seems as though it's going back to the way things were. music has been helpful such as Villanesca, Danza Espanola no.4 from 12 Danzas for Piano written by Enrique Granados. with that said i think it sounds great on the long out of print "Spotlight On Guitar" 1984, performed by Manuel Barrueco on guitar and an unnamed pianist. well anyway i shouldn't get into music right now. i also apologize to anyone whose help i cowardly pushed away, or ran away from, in that fairly small but confusing episode of depression.

these past few days have been very questionable. it seems as though it's some sort of dream. it's reality but my brain just isn't processing, sort of like if you're using MS-DOS and you type a bad command line. if only there was some kind of pill or something to make me think everything was okay, or ok.

to those whose names shall remain anonymous i wouldn't have joined if i wasn't gay.

there's so much pain.

so anyway i'm 17 and last night my dad told me that me and my sister were adopted. i was shocked but i wasen't mad or anything... just shocked. this is the sort of stuff you see on tv or read in a book, i thought. i still love my parents and they're the best. although i'm still trying to grasp what's been said, but it'll sink in eventually.

sometimes i wonder if my only true love is music, sometimes i wonder if it's just a close friend. although music is always around and never hesitates to comfort or soothe. if something happens and leaves me ready to break music is there, it's always there. there to heal, there to love... my only love... there is no other only music. and this is what makes me happy and saddens me all at once.

so i just wanted to share this lute piece, Anonymous: Coranto
follow the link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LP1De0I1Zfg&feature=PlayList&p=7845F68976...

there's also more intersting works too that aren't so melancholy like:
Half Hannikin (it's a 17th century english country dance)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76LhRk33cdA&feature=related

both and more performed by Arto Wikla

so this moning my sister decided to have the yard sale today, which was a bad idea since it's probably going to rain. i on the other hand made a stupid mistake also. i wanted to go outside and play greensleeves on my classical guitar and brought the printed tablature ,since i'm still learning it. it took about a minute to realize it was too humid and my guitar started to condense, just like a cool glass of water in the sun. and i ran back inside and did some damage control. tragedy was averted this time... but there was a death. common sense.

i just joined since i don't have anything to do. i'm just home alone with my classical guitar... well i should get going.