Goin' Nowhere Fast by: Beck from: Banjo Story

All the things they said would happen to you
Don't you know they're all coming true?
Goin' nowhere fast

Nothing's strange as when it seems
You're living out all your worst possible dreams
Goin' nowhere fast

Bad times, worse times, all the times in between
I stumble in my shadow, I tangle in the trees
Goin' nowhere fast

I learned my lesson and I learned it again
I heard what they said, live fast and die stupid
Goin' nowhere fast

My compass is spinning like a gamblin' wheel

so anyway i was in this chatroom and i realize how out of touch i am with the world and my fellow man. my taste in music is awful, my appearence is of death, i know not how to make my emotions work in my favor. then i was in another chatroom having virtual sex with a 36 year old guy, not that it was creepy... but i didn't know what to type. i've never known love and as melancholy as it is i don't think i'll ever know love. love is a stranger as i am to it, it's all so complex.

so today i rode the in the suv... and i didn't freak out or anything. it rides just like it used to. and in other news i got a 2nd generation iPod Shuffle for $20... so i'm totally gonna put Banjo Story on it!

so anyway by some sort of random miracle my mom has a working suv now. turns out it was a wire that was probably accidentally disconnected by someone who changed the oil... i'm very suspicious of that person who ever it was. i'm starting to think about legal action for mental anguish and car expenses, but that's really too much and the evidence has been fixed. the guy who repaired the wiring just wanted to be paid with a 12-pack. anyway the "death machine" is now back to being a 2004 Nissan Xterra.

so anyway... we got back to texas today! this whole week has been very interesting. although i'm worried about my mom, she can't use the "death machine" (as i call it). i've vowed never to ride it again, even if it gets fixed and that's questionable since there are two factors keeping her from affording it. if i may go off topic, i just need some opinions. halfway throught the trip in the Toyota i've started having "mini freakouts" in where i just see it all happen again. i start to shake and start bargaining with god pleading for him to spare me. my mom and dad don't really know about that.

so on the the 19th we left to New Mexico, got a room at a motel at Albequerque. then on the 20th we left New Mexico and got to Denver, Colorado. today we went to a few attractions at Colorado Springs... now were back in Denver. gosh, the Rocky Mountains are beautiful.

so we just got the rental car (and i was not a part of the decision), it's a 2010 Toyota 4 Runner. i saw the recall sticker that assured me that the accelerator wouldn't mess up. althought the sticker had the word safety misspelled... human error or just passed along? whatever, all the new Toyota's have been fixed up so it's no problem. but what a nice slice of humor my dad had when i said "it's a Toyota?". :)

so anyway today me and my family were going to drive up to colorado. it was at a desolate stretch when the cruise control on the suv screwed up. in seconds the speedometer went from 80mph (the speed limit) to 95mph in seconds. i started to freak out but my dad (who was driving) kept calm and slammed on the breaks enough and put the suv in neutral and shut it off. to make this long story short me and my family ended up going back home and we're going to get a rental car. man i hate panic attacks.

i'm so happy! this saturday me and my parents are going to new mexico and then colorado. it's gonna be nice to see a bit more of america, seeing as this is my first out-of-state trip. i don't know if that sounds childish but i'm just excited. oh also today i got my hair thined out after 3 years of just growing it out. i'll just be random right now. you know the years just fly by (of course i'm sure everyone has heard it), but you have to enjoy life.

i love chatrooms, you can be whoever you want. today i was 57 y.o. computer technician/networking administator. i started up a little talk with someone who plays "the game" as it's called on the net. soon i had three expierienced "players" and we just talked about old program languages, of which i am expierienced in. you know stuff like BASIC, FORTRAN, COBOL, stuff like that and i just played it off and made new allies on the digital frontier.

so today i went to a thrift store to browse around. i found this little travel guitar for $9.00 which i thought was overpriced. when i got to the counter to pay i asked why it was so overpriced considering the: no brand name, small size, awful strings, and dirtyness, and i got no answer. i felt so embaressed that i didn't take a second language, spanish inparticular. just because the area i live in is primarily hispanic, including me, doesn't mean i know spanish. there was no other person around to help so i forked over the money and bought it.

well i've been "out" to my dad for awhile and today i "came out" to my mom and it went so well. i never thought that it would go so smoothly but it did and i'm so relieved. in other news my plans to convert one of my junked computers to X Windows is a bust so i just refurbished it to the best of my ability.
well to anyone who wants a pair of googly eyes that follow the movements of their cursor, like xeyes for X Windows, you can get them here:
http://www.softpedia.com/get/Desktop-Enhancements/Other-Desktop-Enhancem...

enjoy wineyes 1.1.

so anyway today i was just soaking in the tub listening to Zendik Tribe Band and i was like "Whoa, this band kicks ass!". i wonder why they never made it, 90's Psychedelic Space Metal is way cool. then i practiced "Volte" on my classical guitar for 2 hours, it's so nice to have lots of free time... although it would be nice to get together with my friends, but they live far away. well in other news i got a Casio Casiotone MT-240, for $8.00, and i've been playing with the Jazz Organ function. gosh i'm just feeling really good and it's just awesome that we're getting some rain here in TX.

i think i posted something with a wrong tag earlier so i apologize to the happy page project, which i didn't know existed. sorry.

it's a new day, the sun is shining, and it's so awesome to be gay. anyway i had this really interesting dream and i just feel so good, i feel so good i could play one of my folk songs right now. however it's a lot of work to get everything together so i won't. oh and the adoption thing has sunken in and everything is just great. i know some maybe wondering about how i might have gotten over it so fast since some consider it fast, but i love my "a" parents and nothing has changed. but for a while i was playing this song in my head:

Goin' Nowhere Fast