This is so wrong.
So very fucking wrong.

What happened in Boston... shocked me. Jarred me. Disturbed me. Honestly, I haven't a good word for the feeling.

Sleep.
Walk.
Dream.
Talk.
Eat.
Sleep.
Walk.
Kick.
Think.
Eat.
Take.
Mean.
Love.
Care.
Hate.
Share.
Eat.
Ate.
Ale.
Nord.
Loki.
Thor.
Child.
Sky.
Star.
HAL.
Jove.
Cloud.
Sky.
Sleep.
Dream.
Love.
Troll.
Jotunn.
Eat.
Ginsberg.
Sleep.
Fuck.
Talk.
Fuck.
Fae.
Fairy.
Puck.
Oberon.
Gaiman.
Eat.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Sleep.
Dream.
Moloch.
Howl.
Castle.
Fire.
Calcifer.
Lucifer.
Devil.
Dante.
Milton.
Paradise.
Lost.
Television.
Once.
Snow.
East.
Nine.
March.
French.
Canada.
South.
Cake.
Lie.
Chel.
Skyrim.
Game.
Waste.
Sleep.
Sleep.

My, My, Mister Moloch,
Take me in your arms.
Please make me a sick sinner-
Please, please, just you try.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
Hold me to your breast.
Bring me close, eat me up,
That's when I'll take you.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
How do you like that?
Stabbing you inside your throat;
Kill you in your gut.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
Didn't expect that
did you, bloated king of filth?
Guess I'll take my leave.
My, My, Mister Moloch,
bleeding on the ground.
How long's it been since Ginsberg?
Think he's smiling now?
My, My, Mister Moloch,
I'd love to stay and chat,

How can I sleep, knowing what I know? How can I close my eyes when all I can hear is the screaming that eternally sounds in my head? How can I sleep when I can see the man I love humiliated and in pain? How can I possibly sleep?

Give me silence. Give me peace. Give me reassurance. Give me shelter. Give me hope. Give me praise. Give me love. Give me your time. Give me your thoughts. Give me a place in your world.

Don't leave me here alone. Don't go away and leave me with nothing but the fear. Because I am afraid. I cannot leave my home without one of you here beside me; I cannot speak without one of your words to guide me. I am afraid. I am not afraid of the world, nor the people in it. I am afraid of what they are capable of.

How do you measure a human? Now I mean this seriously (Jeff) so no cock jokes (Jeff) and please try to keep things serious.

What makes a person a person? Can a human be less than a person? If so, how? Can a human be better than others? How? That sort of thing.

Obviously not me.

You may cease your weeping and gnashing of teeth, as I have returned; your omniscient ruler has come to bring its benevolent rule to the Oasis.

In all seriousness, however, I hope y'all remember me. It's been so long! I've been incredibly busy lately, and haven't had nearly enough time to remember vaguely important things like Oasis. So yes. Glad to be here, my lovelies.

I have come to bury Caesar, not to praise him. So let's get on with it and get to my journal:

Ah! 'Tis a beautiful day! This is a perfect day for bananafish!

Yes, I'm feeling good! And that's not normal! But it's good! And there's no notable reason WHY I feel good. I don't have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, the boy I love has not fallen in love with me. It might have something to do with my acquisition of Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword, but that's not the only reason. I'm just... Happy! And I don't even have a warm gun.

I'm off for break- goin' to Acapulco. (I don't actually know where that is. I'm really going to an island.)

In any case, I shan't be lurking on the site like I usually do, so excuse my absence. Adieu, my loves!

I'm in a strange mood. Unfortunately, a lot of who I was seems to be resurfacing in who I am. My old rage that completely devastated my life is coming back, and I'm so angry at everything- at my own very existence- that I just don't know what to do.

I've been having mood swings, and I keep going from high highs to low lows within a matter of hours- even minutes.

I'll be back soon. It could last somewhere between a couple of days to a couple of weeks. Not too long, though. See you soon!

I'm confused. Conflicted.

I've been thinking a lot about my good friend. We'll call him D.

Take a step away from the gun
Take a step towards the sea
Every little thing glitters beneath the sun
Slowly turns the carousel away

Secretive children lie in waiting for mother's call
and dream in smoky technicolor oceans
How much would you bet that they know it all
And that nothing they know is at all what it seems

Take the controls, friend, and take me where
you want to go, and then leave me there.
Take the controls, friend, and take me where
you want to go, and then leave me there.

Everything you take is the giant's new game
no more two cups and the drinking thing

"They try in vain our minds to chain" - Chumbawamba

I'm feeling interesting, especially since I'm feeling. I've felt numb recently and now I don't. It's nice. I cried yesterday for the first time in months. It was only for a few seconds, but it felt very good to be able to let that out.

Now to the topic of why I cried and the topic of this journal. Doubt.