Today is my loverboy's bday. HAPPY BDAY darling, though im pretty sure he cant see this... but its the thought that counts. lol.

Not much changing, and/or happening. Oh, im so glad you guys remember me. Its a total relief. May 3 will mark the 1 year anniversary of my relationship. lol. Im so estatic... if thats how you spell it.

Idk if anyone remembers me, but im back (for now). As the usual, nothing much has happened, save me fighting with my mom.... but thats not new. And i have not heard from my lover since before christmas. i do hope he's okay. I love him so much even he's so far away.
But hey, que sera sera. Te amo, siempre, Sam. <3

Until Tuesday... that is. School doesnt end until wednesday. I totally forgot. I kinda got ahead of myself. Leave it to me to completely screw up the dates (I still had the calendar on april)...

Its been a little boring in my love life section. My loverboy is away somewhere so i cant call him until friday. Im SOOOO counting every second until then. He's the only reason I use the phone... That's not wierd is it? IDK.

Hello there fellow Oasians. I hate to write this....

But I have to go away for awhile. Life is going to change alot for me in ways I, myself, cannot yet understand. I forsee new challenges and the climax of the war with my mom and family. I'm moving, as well. New world, new house, new school, new people, new HOMOPHOBES. Yes, the OTHER "H" word. One good thing is I'll be a few hours closer to the Love Of My Life. That makes me happy.

This time, I'm not going to start out as the little emo kid with an afro. I'm gonna shine like the true gay/bi hippie in side of me.

If i cant hear it,
You're most definitely
Too far away.

But, strangely,
I can always hear it...
No...
Feel it.
Beating strong and rhythmically in tune with mine.

Before you came along,
There were fraudulent heart beats,
claiming to be that one that I longed for so long.
Each one reavealed true intentions among masks.
Each one, killing me a bit more.

I blocked out all the heartbeats around me,
Building a castle of rejection out of the rubble of my sorrow and pain.
I sat,
Alone in that castle, destroying anyone whom dared near it.

Then,
I heard it.

Last night, around 10:00, was the happiest moment I have had in an eternity. It started out with my brother not falling asleep and my mom not leaving to drive her boyfriend to work. It appeared that I would not be able to call my angel and I was going to cry my eyes out until there was blood. But then she left and Matthew fell asleep. I grabbed my cell phone, (of which no longer has any use except to store phone numbers), and I crept out into the living room.

"I wandered, lonely as a cloud"
on a windy day
in Autumn.

I'd lost my Love
and so Love lost
me. And i swore never to Love again.

It became the winter of my life
towards the cold bitter end.
Death's grip tightened on my soul
because i did not fight.
I did not fear.
"The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."

Without Love, no fear exist in me.

Then you appeared in my life
turning Winter into a
Summer's Dawn
You, my angel, said "Come live with me and be my Love."

But I, so tired, whispered
"I have nothing to offer, ut blood,
toil,
tears,
and sweat."

Im on good terms with Lance. Finally. That means the war inside my head is over. Rite?

Nope. turns out, i still have an inward attraction towards him. But he's straight. Thank god, cuz i've found someone else that i want to be with.

He's the mystery guy in Ohio. We're going on a phone date (hopefully) tomorrow. I like him alot. Sounds like a nice story, rite?

Wrong. There's a catch.

Fred wants to date me, again. So im going to the mall with him soon. I'm certain all he wants is sex. But, i KINDA like him. IDK what to tell him.

Any comments?

The knight-in-shining-armor-in-Ohio likes me back!!
Im not sure if my feelings towards this guy is childish or not, but theyre strong. Really strong. With this guy, im gonna take things slow, not rush them. This time, im gonna act like im mature and not fuggle up the emotions between us.

so i did something really evil... i made my ex's girlfriend (who is his cousin) where the necklace he gave me when we were dating. it felt so good. but then i found out it really hurt him. so, i felt bad and pretended to get sick so i could go to the clinic. i did not want to see him. i feel so evil.

ive met this guy that i really like. he's such a charmer, just swept me off my lazy ass. only thing, he lives in ohio, which is so far away. plus he might not like me back... oh well... i hope he does...

There's this guy (we'll call him Neely) who i've had a crush on ever since i started high school. but he and his bf (who we''ll call Kuzmanoff) were totally inseperable... so i gave up. last year at prom, tho, i did dance with him. talk about FREAKING awkward as his bf watched!! time moved on in my freshman year, and he graduated cuz he was a senior. Over the summer, he got a job at target in the little cafe-section-thingy. i used to anticipate going there just to see him. My sophmore year started soon, and i had a class with Kuzmanoff during the first semester.

straights.... everywhere. gays converting to straighness... bleh. wats wrong with being just a tad different? apparently i ruined my mom's "perfect" dream family by being gay. im not allowed to come back for the holidays whenever i leave. im not allowed to visit. but she "still loves" me. bleh. humans...

me? id rather go crawl in a box until humanity decides to grow up. i mean, its freaking 2010 for heavens sake!!! when are u going to grow up world? my dogs (who are both boys) were giving each other head and my family laughs!! WTF!! bleh.

just dont go crazy...

oasis has been great for me. now... its kinda boring. but i must keep writing these posts because i fear if i dont, something is going to happen. lol

i asked out this really cute emo guy. rejected. but im good. its not that he doesnt like me, its that we really dont know each other that well. which is true. we just occasionally chat in random places. so i guess we have to hang out more. maybe then, ill get my chance...

i found out today that my best friend is being sent to another school due to behavioral problems. i wanna cry, but thats not manly...

lance bethany is a bitch...