X texted me today.
«Bonne St-Valentin.»

I laughed and asked who it was, like i didn't know what his number was by heart. he didn't reply, so i guess i'm happy.

i've just been okay these past few days. not happy or unhappy. just... okay.

i want a cigarette. even though it grosses me out when i smoke i want one, just because i like how they look, and how it feels. and the smell. though i don't like smelling like cigarettes.

yeahyeah, i had a fun night today.

soo, i went with like, 10 people to get pierced. i got an industrial, my other friend got a lip piercing and another a belly button.

and the hottest guy ever was there i swear.

so we went to mcdonalds and then we went back to my friends house, and we hung out there.

and i feel nasty because i smoked 3 cigarettes and a joint. i'm gonna like, die of cancer later, i swear. i'm so gonna get hooked, ew.

oh, and yeah. i go on facebook and you know what i see on hot guy's profile ?

INTERESTED IN : WOMEN .

my friend was resting her head on me and i had my arm around her, and she was like : «EW, THIS IS WAY TO HETEROSEXUAL FOR US, MAKE IT STOP!»

i hope everyone is having a lovely evening ^-^

i posted this on tumblr, and i figured you guys might like it... i use my tumblr account to post writing, drawings and photographs. if you're interested, you can check it out here : www.vincenteric.tumblr.com
so this is another piece about my favourite monster.

days go by so quickly, yet so slowly.
not even one week ago, i told you to leave me alone.
you didn't even fight me, you just said «as you wish», and i haven't heard from you since.

as much as that's what i wanted, i wish you would have fought a bit.

i guess you don't care, which i knew all along. i wanted to be wrong about you...

if you got your arms around me i would be helpless...

pathetic, i know.
fuck.

I LAUGHED WHILE WRITING THE TITLE OF THE ARTICLE, IT FELT VERY STUPID, LIKE IT WAS THE NAME OF A NEWS PROGRAM. tonight at 7...

anyways. I showed my drawing to a few people in my class, and most people didn't get it. I was like, how do you not get this? Haven't you ever had a broken heart? «But doesn't love make you feel all jittery and good and fuzzy?»

um, no. love, so far, has made me feel like roadkill.

and since it's valentine's day, the theme was «how you feel when you're in love».

so everyone drew really cutesy stuff like people kissing, hearts, mcdonalds fries, ect.

i drew a piece of roadkill. :)
i'd scan and post it but i need to hand it in today, so i'll do that when the teacher gives it back to me.

i'm just worried that the school is gonna make me go see the therapist or whatever. all my drawings for art class have been very macabre this year... for example, for «something suprising hatches from an egg» i drew yolk shaped like a skull.

oh well. XD

when we were little, all the monsters in our lives were under the bed. how frightening they were! their razor sharp claws could dig right into me. if they touched me, i would get burned, i would be destroyed. better off to avoid them altogether, right?

until one day, i wasn’t afraid of monsters anymore. it wasn’t their fault, they didn’t ask to be monsters.

one. Kso, I realize, I'm not the best community member, but I do REALLY enjoy everyone's journals when I have time, just because I don't comment, doesn't mean I don't read anything. okay? I love all of you. yeah.

i want all of you.

i want the sickest, darkest, most disturbing parts of you. i want your ugly, i want your disease. everything. you don't want to show anyone else, that's fine. but i want it, because i'm going to love you that much.

« when you are lonely, i'll be lonely too. »

ONE. MY BODY.
What I like : my eyelashes. the fact that i can feel my ribs. the shape of my legs. my hair.
What I hate : my shoulders. my ''treasure trail'', and how if i shave it my skin there gets all nasty. my forehead.

basically, i'd like to have a more androgynous shape.

TWO. LUST.
I want you inside of me, I want you to grab my hair, I want you to bite me, I want to look in the mirror afterwards and see scratch marks.

So, I was talking to A earlier... turns out that X tells him the same crap as he does to me. Just another lie that's come to hurt me. I mean, I guess I knew all along that he was like that... and even though I really don't intend on seeing him again, it still hurts. I hate how whatever he does affects me. I sent him an email letting him know I'm 100% done with him, in case I wasn't clear.

salut R,
je ne te connais pas vraiment, et la dernière fois que je t'ai vu, je me suis complètement humilié, je m'en excuse. j'ai dû te mettre vraiment mal à l'aise.

PS. : tu est vraiment, vraiment beau. non, sérieusement.

___________________________________________

you said :
at least you should admit you've made mistakes too.

how about you shut the fuck up.
yeah, i'm so fucking sorry, douchebag, for all those times i ''hurt you''?
LIKE IT'S ANYTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I'VE ENDURED OVER YOU?

here's what i'm really sorry about :
i'm sorry i tried for so long.
i'm sorry i tried so hard.
i'm sorry i wasn't good enough.
i'm sorry i wasn't gentle enough.
i'm sorry i'm bipolar.
i'm sorry that you fooled me twice.