I am too cowardly to say this in person, but I love you. I don't know how it happened, but along the way you stole my heart and please if you're not going to use it I want it back because I'm dying without you near me, you're like my life support without the annoying little "Beep-beep" of the heart monitor and everytime you touch me it's like you're my doctor revving up the electric charge things that they hold together and yell "CLEAR!" before they try to jump-start your heart, because it really does make my heart skip a beat...

Not much else to say lately.

I had a bad day.

Ohnoes.

I really am sad for some reason. I had a crappyyyyyy day. T didn't say goodbye to me or hug me after school... Did I do something wrong? Or is he just forgetful? :/

Oh well. Can't dwell on the past ;)

I got Pokemon Heartgold and Soulsilver today :D momma's so awesome, she got them both for me! *explodes*

So I've been playing Yiruma's "Love Me" and it's REALLY hard... But I'm doing ok! I really am! :3

The left hand is easiest... It's jusy playing both together that's the hard part!

or should I say, she once had me?

Lol. Guess the song.

I am so freaking tired. I have a whacked sleep schedule because I'm swamped with homework... all the time... D:

Aww, good to see my kitty feeling better! Poor baby was sick yesterday I think. She slept all day in the same spot and rarely got up. I don't even think she ate...

But she's walking around and licking herself now. And staring at me. Hi kitty!

I am hungry. I should get breakfast.

I ASKED HIM
I ASKED T OUT

it was like
a yes
but technically a no

He was like "I really do like you alot, Shelby..."
and had his arm around me ALOT
"...And I promise if I was allowed to, that I would. We would have been going out a long time ago!...But I'm really not allowed to...my parents would find out, and they're sick of me dating right now... I'm so sorry!" and then we were just sorta like that for a while, and then

"Shelby? *kisses my cheek* I have to go!"
:DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

*EXPLODES*

Of heartbreak...

I applaud you. We are a united strength.

Hmm. I was supposed to write a lot.

I got alot of yarn today. Momma bought me some black, green and blue, and some deep maroon. It's awesome. I rolled them all up, too. I HAVE GIANT FUZZY COLORFULL BALLS ._____.

I've really been into knitting lately. It's calming. I need to finish my homework, I'm such a procrastinator...

...I HAVE TO ASK T OUT TOMORROW
MYGOD I AM FREAKED OUT.

*hyperventilates*

SHEET GOTTA TO BED

I'm going to college in like, TWO YEARS.

...Jeesus.

That's a scary thought.

Also, P.E. starts today and I'm FREAKED OUT
I hate P.E.

Welllll no, not exactly. I hate the running. I hate running so much. I get out of breath and cough just laying down in bed D: Running destroys me! I'm either hella outta shape and just lazy or my lungs have problems, seriously.

I hope we do something easy to start the trimester off...!

Alot's happened. I guess.

I'm sorta... Ok. Today was a REALLY bad day. Lots of crying. LOTS.

Talking to B right now. Sorta fun, sorta sad, sorta happy, sorta mad. Whee, rhymes. Trying to draw hands, which FUUUSUUUU
Fusu
Fuckin' Sucks.

>.<;;

Then I guess I've already won that ;D

NAME THAT SONG/MOVIE
Story of my current life.
Anyways.

I wrote a song, actually. It's cool, I might sing it and record it for youtube if I don't suck too bad.

Remember kids, a Disney a day keeps the therapist away!

AND UGH FOR THOSE WIMMENZ WHO KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT KEEP READING
.
.
.
.

my period started today. It's been a week since it got over ;A;
IT HURTS DAMMIT
I HATE THIS
it makes me cry D: and I mean seriously ONE WEEK IS NOT FUCKIN ENOUGH TIME TO RECUPERATE FROM THIS.

Right now it's like 5:34.

My alarm went off at five.

I fell asleep around midnight.

SHIT.

I am tired. I need to make lunch. Big project-y-field-trip-y thing today... Yawn!

T is rediculously nice to me O.o
And sorta... Touchy-feely if you catch my drift. Yesterday I was crying cuz someone wrecked up my viola's tuning by pulling the pegs out and letting them slip. NOBODY messes with my viola, it's the most important thing in my life ;A;

I'm just so simply happy.

It seems almost... Unreal.

Days go by, you know? It just astounds me how fragile life is, and yet... And yet we spend our time taking risks. I'm just... Enthralled right now.

I mean, seriously. This is a big change for me, to be just SO happy EVERY DAY. It's amazing. It's like being on cloud nine (Where did that saying even come from? Why can't it be cloud one? Or ten?)

I'm just sitting, listening to some Keith Urban, and just feeling excellent.

Ahh.

Never felt so loved, so peaceful, and so free

I'm not kidding. So at school, I stayed after for the basketball and T was there. He stayed and talked to me for a while, and he had to go at four. He then asked "Do you wanna come with me?"
And I was like "Uhhh"

Addicted to the Kollaboration 10 performance of this song ;)
It's brilliant.

Woke up today in the best mood. Mmm! I feel like dancing!

There's a certain... Appeal to today. I wonder what's gonna happen?

Ahh, happy, happy, happy. There's such a love to the world that I'm feeling today, like everything isn't just gonna be ok, that it's already ok, in fact... Everything is already just AMAZING.

My computer got a virus yesterday.

My dad spent all day today fixing it for me. I love him so much <3 He's the best daddy evarrr.

Sorry for being gone, my best buddy H came over and spent the night.

T'was awesomesauce.

Either way, I'm messing around with Sibellius trying to write music. It's very, very fun. I just start with the viola line, and bam- Music XD

I feel so... Sleepy. Fuzzy. Neh.
I don't remember the past clearly. It feels like I could have easily dreamed it all... I think I'm falling down from my "High".

It's just like... A writing day. It's a writing week. Bloody hell.

During the day, I'm the same as any girl you pass in the hallways. You see me, maybe think "Oh I like her haircut" Or "Ew, her acne's sorta icky" or even "Wow, she's... Just dog-ugly". During the day, you make talk to me and notice "Wow, she's sorta nervous and quiet" or maybe "She's sorta... Annoying." or even, "Wow, she's mean" but either way, you'd notice quite a few things about me. Now, talk to me online... You'll see a completely different side from me.

Yes.

I have been happy for over a week.

It's a record.

Although, does last night count? I cut again. Sadly. But today, ohh today, was awesome. I... I talked to Jonah. He sat next to me in Digital Media and we laughed a bit, he said "You're just so funny..." sort of embarrassed, and then right as he had to leave I was like "WellJonahthankyouforhelpingmetoday" In the nervous way I do, and he stood up, and I turned back to the computer when I heard the faintest
"...Shelby?"
I looked up and said "Yes?"
He looks at me, half-smiles, and says:
"...I'm sorry...."
*Jonah walks away*