It's super cheesy, but I thought you guys'd like it XD

Chad:

His hair is golden
mess and curls
Eyes blue as sky;

A laugh like a rug
As it unfurls;
He's my favorite guy.

An inspiration
to us all,
He teaches me how to smile;

And when life
Seems to fall
He picks it up for a while.

You never make me mad
Or sad
I guess it's true, I <3 you Chad :)

I also wrote a long, crappy one called "If"

If:

If I had given it my all,
If I had flown and never fall;
If I had given it my best,
and went and passed every single test,

Or,

If I had done the selfish deed

Goddamnit. I accidentally backed out and I had ALOT WRITTEN HEREEEE

Let's re-write it, damnit.
LONG POST WARNING

I had a really eventful weekend. Friday I sat around and did my... Stuff. Watched a movie, ate, slept, ate, played my DS, ate, the usual. Speaking of eating, I'm gonna go make lunch. And THEN finish writing this.

Alright, lunch time por moi. Grilled cheese and onion sandwich, soup with green onions and shrimp. Yum. Can you tell I love <3 <3 onions?

Hmm I sorta eat like a college student: Using leftovers and cheap food.

I've become an emotional eater. P:

They are...
Really, really, really

Not fun.

I sorta kinda a little bit hate life right now.

I had a terrible night...

Forgot to take my pill, was forty minutes late.

...I think I'm just gonna go... Lay down. Yeah.

THAT IS THE WEIRDEST COMBINATION OF TITLES EVER
But.
The first part will come later.

I dunno, I just thought about it. I have the best father ever :D He always buys me the stuff I want, never yells at me, is always proud of me, and all that awesome junk.

Ohkay, sure, he's embarrassing. But everyone else thinks he's funny. So that's alright.

Today, I realized something. My life is not incredibly bad. There are people, even those closest to me, that have a much worse life.
That being said, my past still isn't too good.

Let's go over this.

I've been physically abused by my sister. She beat me. She beat me when I answered a question wrong. She slapped me when I said something stupid. She punched me when I accidentally insulted her.

Why?

Because my parents beat her. Because my parents were beat by their alchoholic parents. Because it passed down the line.

I learnt to apologize. I learnt a fear of being wrong.

It's been a short time knowing you, in reality. But it feels so long. The cruelty. What is it born out of?
And...

Is it possible that, just maybe, I can give this up?

I am so sick of feeling ANYTHING. I don't want to be happy. I don't want to be sad. I don't want to be in love.

I just want REST.

We have to pick a song for LA and talk about the lyrics. I hate stuff like this, because I have such a varied musical interest that it makes it VERY hard to choose. I figure I'm gonna go with a Beatles song.
Cuz that's real cliche and awesome.

I want to go around the city
and find those who need help
I want to stop
ask
and help them through whatever they need
Whether it be carrying, feeding, pushing-
Helping...

I want to run around a park
and find those teary-eyed people sitting
alone on the benches;
and give them a hug and ask them to tell me
What went wrong
How can I help
Will you smile for me?

I want to donate all of my body parts
to some random hospital
to give to people when I die-
Just so I know that
part of me will live on and
perhaps, save lives-
Even when I'm no longer around to do it myself.

Today I was supposed to stay silent.

I didn't.

I failed miserably out of fear of getting in trouble by a teacher. Plus... I'm weak. I like talking. It reminds me I'm alive.

I got my blood test back today. After much fear, I have normal Iron levels in my blood. I'm healthy...!
How happy. I was very scared.

SPEAKING OF BLOOD...

TO THE MENS. I'd just suggest skipping this next part. It's about womanlyness.

Today in PE a terrible thing happened. I started my period yesterday, which means I'm heavy for the next five or so P:

I messed up a little
I said
"Hey..."

Ooops
and
"OH I'm wearing my socks!"

D:
But it's the morning so I'll forgive myself.

Had a pretty freakin' crappy day yesterday. I fell asleep while doing my homework. Which REALLY ISN'T GOOD TODAY. So I might have to do it in Social Studies P:

I HAVE LOTS OF STICKY NOTES HELL YEAH

Ummmm... What else to say
I went to the doctor
BY MYSELF

Just a little bit on the sides. Gee, it was alot of hair though. It's so I can pull it back today, and wear my dress. I'm trying to look as pretty as possible and stun people XD

Yesterday I did a great thing with Kay. We stayed after school until seven thirty to help out with this thing at our school called "Market Day"-

I have no titles lately P:

Yesterday was fabulous. Why? No sleep=better day? Jeez. I don't know anymore. Maybe I should just NEVER go to bed. Life'll be FABULOUS.

I got two good hits in softball, and my ability to run without passing out, coughing, or dying is getting MUCH better cuz I keep pushing myself so hard. (Per.1)

Jonah's being real nice to me in Geometry. (Per. 2)

The library is really fun. And I got like eight sources for my subject, Dale Chihuly. He's a glass artist over here in Washington. (Per. 3)

I think this was the best day EVAR XD

<3

I'll write again in the morning, so I apolgize in advance for backed up journals...

The last journal was never written.

And if you read it, pretend it wasn't.

Comments as well. No, comments ESPECIALLY.

Good morning, good morning, I love you all.

Guess who didn't get any sleep at all?

Me, the girl who went to bed a "one"

Who barely got all her homework done

A month of stress and quick writing reprise

Returned to find quite a bittersweet suprise

So from now on, I'll watch what I write

In hopes that I can fall asleep tonight...

I figured that'd be a more fun title than 400ab7;.O,9
Or whatever.

I'm lonely again. I forgot to write before I went to sleep last night (At eleven thirty. I sleep at the same time EVERY night, even school nights I think) and I got up at nine thirty.

Did I ever mention my love for tulips?

Kay, my best friend, picked me one yesterday and put it in my hair, and I realized "Gee, it's so pretty... I really do love tulips. "
It wilted overnight.

Is that me? A wilted tulip? Left out overnight with no water, struggling to live?