Love will be.

There's too many people out there sitting and waiting for someone to love them. They wish, and want, and aim to recieve it.
The trick is to give love first.

People who go out and love and care will always be surrounded by people who love them, even if they don't realize it. Maybe they won't realize it because they're too busy caring about other people, or maybe they won't realize it because they're too happy to.

I think I'm learning. I think I'm growing up alot faster than before.

Yeah, so I met my online friend that I've known for over a year today.
And he was awesome!

But he was so nervous and shy and so was I and that was REALLY awkward XDDD

Either way, I hope he thought I was pretty. I dressed up as much as I could without looking formal :)

AND I AM SUPER HAPPY
AND THIS WILL BE SORT OF SILLY

BUT NOW I GET TO TALK TO ONE OF MY FAVORITEST PEOPLE I'VE EVER SORT OF BEEN SCARED TO TALK TO ONLINE ON MSN

Ya know who you are <3!

Ok. First off, I swear I'll get to your PM's but I've barely been on the computer the past week. Literally I haven't been on the last week until this morning for five minutes... or occasionally to read people's journals. No time for much else though.

Today was the last day of school.

I have the WORST tan lines EVER, too. It's red EVERYWHERE except my chest where the bathing suit covers and my "underwear" line for the shorts of my bathing suit. Arghhh.

My FEET are the worst, with my shoulders and sides too. It's so bad. It HURTS so badddddddd.
My nose is the reddest, and my cheeks, but they've been burnt so much I think they're used to it or something XD

But on the other hand, my forearms are just very brown because they got burnt from the parade... So I'm gonna be super tan when it heals.

Tromboning, I mean.

SeewhatIdidrighthere?

Anyways, I think it's a beautiful day out. Gray, raining, and cold (quick poll, do you spell it "gray" or "grey"?)

I think depending on my mood I change the spelling O_O

So I've got a Biology test tomorrow and I'm trying to study for that, but Trombone is just so much fun! I've only had the whole thing for two days though. I got it yesterday, and I've been playing it ever since XD I'm trying to teach myself "Yeah" because that's a simple band song that we tried out this year. So far, I'm doing really good :D

So Blue Boy and Cutefail broke up and I dunno for how long it'll be, but it was because Cutefail was being a 67 and flirting it up with every guy and kissed this other dude.
And I'm like "Seriously, I knew this was gonna happen"

The big question is, if he wants to get back with me (Which G Stubbornz thinks he will) what should I say? I know he's really douchey but he wasn't when he was with me. Also, I was sort of psycho and that's why he left, but now I've got a better control on myself. I've changed alot in that regard. I think I'm way more mature.

Life...
It just sorta crashes alot on me lately. I find that weird. I won this "Student of the Month" thing at my school, and you get it from one teacher and they sign it. I got "Courage and Perseverence".

My counselor signed it.

...I didn't know that was even possible. She must really think I'm special...

Dear mother, if you read this, that's a privacy problem. Stay outta my home!

Anyways, I'm super tired. Had a colorguard meeting yesterday that I'll try to write about after my long weekend... Gonna go dress shopping with Hannah! :)

"Suicide is a form of murder- Premeditated murder. It isn't something you do the first time you think of doing it. It takes getting used to. And you need the means, the opportunity, the motive. A successful suicide demands good organization and a cool head, both of which are usually incompatible with the suicidal state of mind."

Page 36

"Actually, the only part of myself I wanted to kill was the part that wanted to kill herself, that dragged me into the suicide debate and made every window, kitchen implement, and subway station a rehearsal for tragedy.

Or Basshunter, Aqua, Xamanist, or Cascada?

They're my favorites right now X3

So much technotherapy...

Techo, Europop, and Trance are my loves right now. Can't help it. They make my mind go fffffff and I just fuzz out...

Any good bands to share?

I swear, if things ever get that bad again, I will run away D: <
Luckily, a few VERY caring friends kept me sane. That whole thing was sort of embarrassing.

I'm reading this book called "Girl, Interrupted". It was made into a movie, too. Anybody heard of it?
I really like it.
It connects to me alot. It's about girls with mental health problems.

Help me.

I need a place to stay right now, or I will kill myself. I swear. I can't stand this madhouse.

I've got $120 and good cooking skills.

I don't want to die. I don't want to try again.

But then I'd be doing you a favor, right, Mother?

"Oh fuck yeah, man! I love it too!"
We so needed one of you guys to be there XD Heard that yesterday after the parade.

Anyways... I keep not writing things on here, so this might be long.

This journal is not happy. It might seem so at first, but I'll go downhill slowly so that I don't dump you into my problems headfirst.

Friday was fun. I was outside all day, band practice in the morning, first period inside, second period inside, third period outside reading, fourth period inside, fifth and sixth outside for band practice, and then straight to the beach.

It was a half day.

I'm thinking quite lesbian today ;D

Today was pretty amazing.

We had band practice from 10-2 again, and I got super-sunburnt... I HAVE THE WORST FARMER'S TAN.

The best part was definitely lunch, when Pi was playing guitar and EVERYONE was singing along. We got the WHOLE band to sing "I'm yours" in unison XD and then our teacher, Mrs. Neptune, randomly handed me this piece of pastry, and she said "Here, for you, Shelby. Because I love you." X3
It was a cream puff...

But seriously

Pretty Boys just look so good
and they would love us if they could

But Pretty Boys, they take your heart
and then they break it all apart

Well, Pretty Girls, they blow my mind
And Pretty Girls aren't hard to find;

But Pretty Girls would not want me
For the Pretty Boys are all they see

Hopeless

Poetry, my sin
The selfish indulgence;
For where else may I...
Oh, pause to write
Explaining my desires?

Hopeless wishing
Fashioned from silver
Inlaid in gold
and crafted with
Diamond-studded locks;

Where can I find the key
To these rusted barriers?

Lucky

*and here and here and here and here and here and here and

all
the
way
down
here
as
well*

I have to write this quick while my mom's out.

Tomorrow I have tryouts and I'm super nervous and stressed and not prepared so I stayed home instead of going to do something for my sister but she called and yelled at me "because I didn't inform her and be responsible" but my MOTHER WHO DOESN'T WORK KNEW and made it sound VERY CLEAR SHE WOULD TELL HER SINCE WE WORKED IT OUT AS I WAS GOING TO SCHOOL AOHSL:JAH:Lths;