I just all of a sudden thought my attraction to boys was weird. (parts of me speaking)
Gestapo me: "Hold on just a second there, my furry fine friend. Did I just catch you staring at that BOY?"

Me: "I swear I wasn't. Honest. I just really liked his shirt, and wondered about where I might buy it someday."

Gestapo me: "Nothing doing, pal. You're gay."

Me: "Fine..."

Gestapo me: "So. You like boys. Not girls."

Me: "WOAH. I DO. Oh gawd. All the other guys are talking about their girl crushes, and I just can't stop staring at this boy... Ew."

It's true.

Most everyone here is still very young, so ENJOY yourself!

Our orchestra teacher was talking about this today. She's pretty cool.

But, there was a reason I mentioned it. You need to have foresight.
I was looking at old times for the swim team, and I saw myself, 10/26/2008.
I had a 49.20 on the 50 free.
Which isn't too bad.
BUT
I saw I'd gotten that time on 10/20/2007.
That time was over a YEAR old, and it hadn't improved doodly squat!

I had no foresight. I was not looking at the future. I was lazy.

I have had a strategy almost my entire short life.
Not exactly a strategy, it's just my nature.
Anyway...

When I started swimming, I didn't mind it.
But, I started getting better.
Sets got more difficult, coaches started getting on my ass more about making them.
And I got lazy.

I actually sort of dreaded swimmming, for over a year. But I kept with it.
I keep with everything. For years. I put so much mind numbing time into deciding whether or not to abandon it.
I have tried to NEVER make hasty decisions. I think in the long term.

I stepped up to the block. Ricky and Blake came over and wished me luck. They said they'd WOOSH me.
I got up on the block. I was paying no attention to anything but the referee.
He blows the whistle. "Take your mark. GO"
A great WOOSH from Ricky and Blake comes from behind me.
I have this. This is MY race.
But something isn't right. It just doesn't feel right. Back in OV, I feel I can sprint my heart out.
But here, I just don't feel right. Something about the atmosphere, the water, me, is just WRONG.
I come in, and look at the clock.
27.42
WTF!!!!!

Today, we had the school spelling bee. To qualify, you need to be one of the top two from your class spelling bee.

I won the school spelling bee last year, only to go on to the Seattle City Spelling Bee and misspell the word schtolen. Which was weird, because it's German, and so am I.

Anyway, ex #1 was also in the school bee, and she's a good speller. I beat her last year when she misspelled squawky. We started with 71 spellers in the bee. The first round was BORINGGGGGGGG.
But there were a lot less in round 2, then round 3, then 4, etc.

Today, in Orchestra, we were organizing a spaghetti auction tommorow. We were deciding who would get jobs. Only a few people could get the good jobs, Italian Sodas and Desserts, and people would always try to avoid Sanitation.
There was only one Italian Sodas job left, and I still didn't have a job. A lot of people started asking for the job.
Normally, I would be okay with getting a bad job, but I was tired, and not in an incredibly good mood.

I finally came out to my dad.

He blocked everything on my computer. I had to tell him why I needed to come here. So I had to tell him I was gay.

So. Today, on the bus, I was sitting between 2 friends.
One, on my left, said "So, have you told your mom you're gay yet?"
Me: "Closer every day, but not quite"
Guy on right: "Wait, you're really gay?"
Me: *Dumbfounded look*
It has been mentioned, multiple times, by me and other people, that I'm gay in front of him. However, he apparently he thought I and other people were joking. Every time.
On that bus ride, he asked me if I was serious. 4 times.

What sort of straight guy makes jokes that they're gay multiple times and never actually denies that they're gay?

Life is amazing, in case you haven't noticed.

Most people have about 100 trillion cells in their bodies. That's a lot of cells. 100,000,000,000. Big number.

And, most cells perform thousands, if not millions of chemical reactions every second. I shall assume about 100 thousand. 100,000. Another big number.

If you multiply the number of cells times the number of chemical reactions in every one, you get 10 quintillion, or 10,000,000,000,000,000. That is the number of chemical reactions that go on every second to sustain your body.

Apparently my dad was installing Norton onto my computer. Anywho, I was making cider downstairs.
I come back up, and guess what website he was looking at? My favorite LGBT site. Here.

He was stressing out about figuring it out, I guess. He was acting overly chipper, which is never a good sign. He does that when he stresses out.

I don't know if he'll tell my mom, although I have a feeling she'll stress about it.

I like many things.

I like vanilla.
I like MJ.
I like Bach.
I like classical music.
I like swimming.
I like my friends.
I like broccoli.
I like boys.
I like playing the piano.
I like dancing.
I like caramel.
I like blue.
I like Sprite.

If I recited that list to most people I know, most of them would stop me right where I said "I like boys". It's just one of the other things I like.
If I told E that I prefered caramel to toffee, or vanilla to chocolate, she wouldn't give a flying fuck.
But if I told her I prefered boys to girls, she freaks out.

So, yesterday I went skiing with uber Christian.
It was pretty cool.
The unfortunate part was that my family apparently goes skiing a lot more, so I wasn't really challenged at all by the runs we went on.
It was still fun. We played skiing tag with our poles, trying to catch the other person, and tag them. That was actually kinda dangerous, because we were going so fast.
And then, one time, he fell down, and his skis came off, and he sunk into deep powder. I started laughing, so he ran out and then tackled me, and we had a snowball fight/wrestling match on and off for a half hour.

When I broke up with girlfriend #1, she HATED me. No wonder. I had no idea how to deal with having a girlfriend.
But she was so NICE. That she could hate anyone that much, and that that person was me, saddened me.
But I didn't sink into despondency. I did all I could do. Just let her cool off a while, and slowly slowly slowly reassert myself.
It took almost 2 years. But now we're EXTREMELY good friends again.

When something bad happens, brooding about it is pretty well the worst thing you can do.
If you regret doing something, so what? It's not going to change anything.

A corrupted mind.
I was talking to a girl I shall just refer to as E, whom is very religious.
Me: So you don't support gay marriage?
E: Yeah.
Me: Why?
E: Because it's unnatural.
Me: How so? There are gay penguins.
E: I don't know. It just is.
Me: Okkkkk... I don't think the purpose of religion is to use it to hate on people. I really don't think that people should be wasting time trying to suppress other people.
E: Why do you care what we do?
Me: Why do you care if we marry?
E: Go away. You're weird.