I had a good time today, until I realized something.

I have a big meet tomorrow. Next day too, I guess. But it's an invitational, you have to have gold times.
Hooray, I'm going with 3 other 11 and 12 year old girls.
Sometimes it seems like my swim team sucks. I'm one of 4 people with a gold time, and one of 2 that has a champs time. Out of 80.
Anyway, I really want to go to this meet, because then I can get that sectionals I think I can get. It's important to me. I've worked my ASS off for the past 3 months to get it, maybe a little TOO hard...

Dear Emma,
I'm fine if you're religious. I'm fine if you say those views openly in front of me. I'm confident if I was in a Christian family, I'd probably be Christian. However, I'm not okay when you're stupid.
You have said yourself that your priest says from the pulpit homophobic things, that gayness is a choice, and all that jazz.
And he has a right to it. And he should.
But, I really wish that before you just accept it as gospel, maybe think "Why?".
Why are gays so horrible?
Why would they make this choice?
Just THINK, just for a second. There a few things wrong here.

We had our second drug presentation done in school a yesterday. Those're always fun.
The district drug counselor showed us a video on Ecstasy. I always love these drug presentations, because the drugs always fascinate me. But I've always sworn that I would never try drugs, and DEFINITELY never get addicted to anything. I'm smarter than that.

I've always said swimming is my drug. And I'm starting to realize that's increasingly true.
You may notice I'm posting at a time I never post during the weekdays.
From 4:40-7:30, I never post anything. Because I'm at swimming.

I realized something at swimming today.
A year ago, I got a lot more attention and praise at swimming. That's because I was a star struggling to rise. Just starting to get out there and get good. Also, I was a lot lazier.

Now, I'm a success story, or rather, a success story in progress. If I continue how I am, and everything goes according to plan, in maybe another year, and certainly not more than two, I'll be the fastest person on my swim team.
This year, for high school swimming, a guy a year older than me, a freshman, and also SLOWER than me, made it to state.

Today I got angrier than I remember getting in a LONG time.
I had a dentist appointment, at 4:00. I get out of school at 3:00, but due to my incredibly inefficient bus system, I NEVER get home a minute before 3:50.
Someone had to pick me up if I was going to make it, and have time to pack for swimming after at 5:00.
But my mom forgot to tell my brother to pick me up. I called her after school, at 3:03 to ask her who was picking me up. She said my brother was doing it, and she called me back at 3:10 to say that she'd called my brother and asked him to pick me up.

We had a "meet" today. Just 2 hours. (Short for a swim meet. I go to ones that are 3 days, 10 hours a day) In the place of practice. Another team came to our pool, and we just raced them.
Eventful events:

One girl, 12, suggested that I liked a MUCH older teamate. It surprised me, I didn't even know she knew I was gay. I don't "like" him. I just like him. He's cool.

Another girl, 11, came over and read some of the writing one of my friends at school on my hand, and SOMEHOW figured out I was gay. I don't even know how. Nothing mentions sexuality. *shrug*
She's annoying.

I think that there are many words that describe me, but sometimes DOPEY just seems to be the right fit.
I've lost things before. Big things.

I lost my new swim suit at a swim meet a while ago. 40$
I lost my wallet with money in it when it fell out of my pocket. 70$
I lost my entire little gameboy backpack with all the games on a plane. 200$

Jeez. Why do I lose so many things?
I just do.
Well, yeah. I'm dopey. What are you?

Hey. If you have it, get out the movie "Snow White and the Seven Dwarves".
Then find the only dwarf without a beard. That's me.
Dopey.

I'm moderately intelligent, but sometimes I'm just so DOPEY.
I went to the YMCA today, and then my left shoulder gave out.
I didn't sprain it, or hit it, just....overused it.

I hope this doesn't affect my sectionals time...

But the worst part is, I've been feeling this on it's way for weeks now.
And yet I kept swimming. Kept using my left arm. And now my shoulder's had enough.

- I only ever eat food with one hand. If I find I'm eating with two, I immediatly feel fat.

- I invariably fold my dollar bills into thirds.

- If I happen to be eating any circular object, I have to break it into 7 pieces first.

- Whenever I'm writing something, I make all my f's into cursive f's, because I just like cursive f's so much. I wish I could do it on this keyboard.

- Whenever the word bad is used, I will break into a "Bad" (by MJ) duet with my friend Uber Christian, as long as he happens to be around.

I was wondering why people are homophobes.
Hmmmmmm...
There are two reasons.
1.) They don't understand LGBT people.
2.) They simply don't like gay people, bi people, or trans people, just because they regard it as "unnatural".

Well, guess what?
I don't understand straight people!!!!

If I try, I cannot imagine being straight. Or a girl. Or being trans. Or bi.

But that doesn't mean I'll hate straights, girls, trans people, or bi people.

If you happen to be someone who likes guys, or maybe just Madonna, this may be the music video for you.
A lot of semi-naked guys.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okFF0pgFyiI&safe_search=on

I, like I'm sure most everyone, though I was straight for my first few years of life.
Not that I knew what straight and gay were back then, but that's irrelevant.

Even when I had my first crush on a boy, I didn't even really know that it WAS a crush. I though I had a crush on a girl. I just didn't even know that gayness existed. I didn't know it was possible to have a crush on a boy.

Later, I realized I WAS gay. Oh no! When I realized this, I knew I'd eventually have to tell people. Someone. But that freaked me out.

The alarm went off at 5:00. I had gotten four hours of sleep. Fuck. I was tired all day. Then I couldn't sleep on the plane. Or in the car on the way to the Grand Canyon.
My parents started arguing on the way to the Grand Canyon. We had no camp gas, and didn't know if they had any at the Grand Canyon.
It got bad. They swore. And yelled.
Then, they got a little better.
Then my dad started saying that he has to quit the job he has right now. My mom doesn't work.
My dad says his job was causing all sorts of stress. He alluded to previous fights. Bad ones.
The desert air dried out my lips.

Good thing first:
I'm going to the Grand Canyon! We leave today for Sea-Tac. Day after tommorow we start into the canyon.
We're doing a backpacking trip.
It sounds pretty rough.
My dad said the packs will be about 30-35 pounds.
Not TOO bad, except that we have about 11 miles on the first day down to the river, 13-14 miles the next day climbing up then traversing along the plateau at the bottom, then 4.5 miles the last day, climbing out of the canyon.