Life has been... eventful lately, I suppose. My dad is going to buy me a car. It's not my birthday for a couple more months, and I won't even be able to drive alone on my 16th birthday anyway, but he has some money right now, and he might not still have it by then because my mom has found out about it and wants some to use for her own crap, as she is still unemployed and mooching off her ex-husband. I was stupid and waited a little while to get my permit, not realizing you had to keep it a whole year and not just until your birthday. I'm very excited about the car, but I'm not, however, excited about explaining that whole thing to everyone who hears about the car and wonders why I won't be driving it to school for a little while.

I feel all angsty tonight. I also can't stop giggling. This is a strange combination. I am angsty because girls do not like me, but they like French Class Girl. I am giggly because... I don't even know.

That brings me to my first point. Girls do not like me. Sometimes they like my shoes, makeup, and/or jewelry, but they never fawn over me, call me pet names, or post extremely suggestive things on my facebook wall like they do to FCG, who is seriously not that attractive or charming. (Maybe they think her stupidity is cute?) I almost fear that she will one day steal all the women in the world, and I will be left alone. Right as I started typing this, yet another girl posted on FCG's facebook wall. She misses her sooooo much. Gag me. How does someone who lives in a closet... No, not a closet. Not even a glass one. She's in a freaking MIME BOX. No heterosexual female wants to be touched by girls 24-freaking-7 and outright obsesses over people's mothers. Anyway, how did someone who lives in a mime box get to be so damn popular with the ladies?

French Class Girl. Just... French Class Girl.

Gag me. FCG always has girls (and never, ever, ever any guys, of course) telling her on facebook that she is pretty, hot, awesome, etc. At any given time on her facebook page, she has at least one wall post saying something along the general lines of, "Meeting you last night was AMAZING, gorgeous! ;)" This makes me wonder where she goes and what she does there. The girls fawning over her are usually either college-age or like, eighth graders. They quite obviously haven't spent more than ten minutes with her or... actually looked at her face. I should tell every girl who says these things to her that she likes to fart during class and then giggle about it. That's what she was doing Friday. Eww, that (and a visit to the eye doctor) would sure cure them of thinking she's sexy, though!

I managed to get my mom to cooperate, and I now have a "doctor's appointment" at 2 P.M. tomorrow. Note the quotation marks. My plan to skip the dreaded pep rally has succeeded! Now if I can just skip the next 4 or so, I'll be all good. I'm sure they'd get suspicious if I suddenly had various health issues every time we had a pep rally, though.

Why do I hate pep rallies so much? Well, the ones at my school are insufferably lame. If you've sat through one, you've sat through them all. The gym has no air conditioner, and having the entire middle school and high school packed in there does not help things. I have absolutely no school spirit, and most of our cheerleaders aren't even that cute, anyway! There is, however, one thing that makes me want to avoid them like the plague. That, my friends, is the game. (Haha, I'm sorry!) No, not that game, the pep rally game. They always have a stupid game in which someone from each grade is randomly selected to have to play. There is no fate regarded as more horrifying than being picked for the game. If you are picked, you must go and embarrass yourself in front of the entire student body. Oh, yes. I've never been picked, but there is a first time for everything.

So, there has been this lady coming to my school for the past few days. She sits in classrooms and scribbles things in her notebook. I guess she's evaluating the teachers or something. Today, she came to my French class. I thought Irritating Girl and French Class Girl would behave themselves, but I was wrong. As soon as they started being all touchy-feely with each other, the lady stared. I sooo want to see what she wrote in her notebook.

FCG wasn't even the main event of today, though. I have a friend who takes French 1. The teacher randomly decided to tell his class about mine today. This is what she apparently said:

"There are these two girls in my French 2 class who absolutely cannot keep their hands off of each other. They are constantly playing with hair, fixing each other's shirts, and whispering to one another. They're just allll over each other ALL THE TIME! It's so annoying! I try to teach, and they just won't stop... pecking at one another..."

I'm serious. It has this whole huge section on homosexuality. It's mostly about the men, though, because it says, "Theological and 'scientific' teaching held that women could not have erotic pleasure without a man."

Wow, and here I am wondering how on Earth heterosexual sex could possibly be any fun! Hahaha!

Please, someone put me out of my misery. I hate chemistry class. Oh, my god. I haaaate chemistry class. It's not even Old Crush or how boring it is or anything like that. No. It's what we're doing right now.

"Our chemistry class is one big, happy family," said the teacher. "We all love each other!"

NO. NO, NO, NO, NO. I refuse to be a big, happy chemistry family with Old Crush. I REFUUUUSE! You can't make me, Mrs. Chemistry Teacher! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!

My teachers are officially Homework Nazis. I have a worksheet with 80-something questions AND vocabulary words to define. Notes for 2 classes. Lots of math. All of this was assigned today and is due tomorrow. I'm done with most of it, but seriously, what the fuck? I hate school. It can go have un-lubed anal relations with a cactus. I'm becoming a hobo or something.

French Class Girl does this interesting thing with her voice. She seems to occasionally switch between a southern accent and a normal one, sometimes within the same sentence. I've known her for a year, but I just noticed that today. She says this phenomenon makes people who are ultra-redneck, for lack of a better term, call her... a Yankee. Gasp! Where have we heard that before? I was practically nicknamed "Yankee Bitch" or at least some variation of the phrase in ninth grade.

Some guys were checking her out today. Yes, FCG. Ewww, gag me! One of my friends saw them. It was a whole group of maybe juniors and seniors. They were standing in the hall, staring at her ass. Why? Just... WHY? Some called her hot! Oh, my god, really? I guess if you just saw her from the back, you could possibly be fooled into thinking that. Maybe. I will never forget my grandmother's expression when I told her this. (She knows about FCG and has seen her before.) My friend said he wanted to throw up on them.

I'm mad. I'm not mad because I didn't get on the honor roll (The honor roll people get special privileges.) from last year's grades. I'm not mad because all my friends did. I'm mad because they keep being douches about it and telling me I'm retarded. I got the highest average in three subjects last year. >:(

Douchey Friend: No college is ever going to accept you because you suck at math. You have to be retarded to get a C in Geometry.
Me: Screw you! I got over 100 in English last year!
Douchey Friend: That doesn't matter, though. If you suck at math, you suck at everything, because it's the most important subject.
Me: If you suck at English, nobody is gonna take you seriously. My lowest non-math grade in the last quarter of last year was like, a 97.
Douchey Friend: You still suck at math and, by extension, everything.
Me: You couldn't find the "Documents" folder in computer class today.

Yes, that's right. I can't write a geometric proof, but she can't click on the little folder that says "Documents." Obviously, I am pathetically stupid, and she is an ultimate genius. Obviously.

So, today I had a chemistry test. I have a habit of cramming hardcore in the 5 minutes or so before everyone gets settled in class and the teacher passes out the tests. In chemistry class, we have to put our stuff in a designated place. I grabbed my notes from my backpack and ran to my desk. I was almost there when I smacked into someone. When I went to apologize, I realized they were kind of, well, Old Crush.

Old Crush: WHOA WHAT JUST HAPPENED?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry, I was just-- AHHHHHH I'M SORRY!

The test itself was okay after I managed to calm down from having Old Crush boobs invade my personal space. God, I'm so awkward.

French Class Girl was trying to seem so straight today. It was hilarious, and I think the girl was actually buying it. Ahahaha! Well, she doesn't know her that well, so I guess I can see how she'd be fooled. She was talking to her "new friend," who seems to be slowly falling victim to her hypnotic powers. (She implied that she'd like to touch FCG's hair.) Upon realizing the girl had a brother, FCG went off into a poorly-executed spiel about how attractive the brother was. It was not believable at all... Then she would randomly bring it back up. It was total overkill.

FCG, you are a horrible actress. I've witnessed a whole year of your sub-par acting skills. The only way anyone could possibly be fooled into thinking you are straight is if they had never seen you interact with a girl. All I can tell you is to embrace your gay, my dear! EMBRACE YOUR GAY! :)

One of my friends and I had a hilarious conversation today. We were outside, and French Class Girl walked by. We laugh every time we see her when we are together. (Today before school, he randomly said hi to her. He said she was very, very confused by this, and he found it to be hilarious, so he's going to keep doing it.) She often goes outside during the little 15-minute break we get, and she passes by us. Today was no exception. She was not within earshot of us today, though, so we had a little more fun with our discussion of her than usual.

Friend: ((whistles)) Ooooh la-la!
Me: Hehehe, stop, if you're too loud, she might hear you!
Friend: I WANNA SQUEEZE HER... nose.
Me: AHAHA WHAT?

You'd understand if you saw her. Her nose is very unique. As strange as it sounds, if you showed me pictures of a thousand noses, I swear I could tell you which was hers.

I talked to Old Crush today. Oh, my god. I know, right? I didn't even throw up or anything, although once I realized she was speaking to me and not her group, I felt like I was going to. It doesn't feel like it even happened... We were doing our chemistry experiments, and her group was by mine, and she asked me what one of the tools was for. It was just freaking WEIRD. The fact that she knows I exist is weird! When I was 12, that was like, my ultimate dream, and now it is weird to me. I know, I keep abusing the word "weird," but that is seriously all I can think of to describe it! I used to think of her as like, a super hot goddess or something, who would never know I existed or talk to me as if I was human or anything, and three years later, she asks me a question in chemistry class. What the hell!? What's next, knowing my name? The thought is confusing and slightly gross to me.

Irritating Girl is unintentionally helpful. Remember how I said in Chemistry, we have to pick numbers to determine our lab groups? She picked the one I was going to pick, landing her in a group with freaking Old Crush. The one I picked after that got me in a group with my two friends and some random eleventh grade guy who doesn't seem too enthusiastic about the whole thing. Hahaha! YES! Dodged a bullet! Thanks, IG!

French Class Girl was soooo inappropriate today! IG wasn't paying attention to her, so FCG took her notebook and spanked her with it. IG still did not listen. FCG knew she had to resort to some drastic measures, so... Oh, my god, I can't believe I'm typing this. She reached up IG's skirt and grabbed her ass.

Who remembers my friend who thought French Class Girl was hot? Well, today he changed his mind. We were having a normal conversation when she walked by us, and I started giggling insanely in the middle of my story.

Him: What?
Me: Oh, I'm sorry. Her face makes me laugh.
Him: Haha, that's mean, but it IS pretty funny.
Me: I know it's mean, but I just can't help it!
Him: Yeah, if you laugh at her face, you might hurt her poor little... dumbass feelings... or something! They do have feelings, right?
Me: HAHAHA! Yeah, I'd never actually tell her that her face is hilarious. And I thought you were the one who called her hot?
Him: Well, I only saw her from the back when I said that!

HAHAHA! How can you decide if someone is hot based on the back of their head? You could determine whether or not they had nice hair, and that's about it. Haha! Oh, god, what would I do without my friends? Well, I guess FCG would look okay from the back, but her face is just so... FCG-ish.

"Poor little dumbass feelings" is my new favorite phrase.