So I've been away for summer, and now I'm back. Going off to uni on Saturday, I'm shit scared blah blah etc.
My middle brother has Aspergers, and he's a pretty quiet, introverted guy. He's 2 years older than me and I love him a lot, but we're very different people, so we haven't had a proper conversation in quite a while.
Yesterday my mum outed me to him over the phone. They were talking about me going off to uni, and mum said:
"Oh yeah, she's scared, but there are loads of groups she wants to join. There's the LGBT soc and there's an athletics team, and-"
She's going away again on Tuesday, so we've been seeing each other non stop for the past few days to make up for it.
Today I had the most awesome date I've ever had ever, and it shows how amazingly perfect she is for me in every way. We spent 6 whole hours at the London Science Museum, which is quite possibly the best place in the world.
I haven't been on in a while purely because nothing interesting has happened to me. Exams are over though, so that's awesome, and there's now two months of holiday ahead for me to waste on the internet :)
But yesterday was a very very good day.
A friend had a barbecue, with lots of drinking, and we all slept outside because it was ridiculously warm.
Well, developments developments.
Literally everyone in my sixth form seem to have come out all at once, it being the last week and all.
In my new(ish) friendship group, three people are bisexual, and two are full blown lesbian, which is really cool. I officially concede that my gaydar is rubbish.
Skip to 0:35 for the good bit XD
My general mood tends to come in phases. For the past 3/4 months, I've been peculiarly happy despite a number of things which really haven't been too great.
Today I felt what can only be described as a sinking feeling? It's a physical ache in my chest. So here marks the start of my depressive journals, because I feel like absolute shit.
I have no idea why, but this is just how it goes. I haven't left the house in three days, I've eaten way too much out of sheer boredom and now my neck feels weird because that's where all my fat goes.
Ever made non-microwavable popcorn?
I swear, it's the most delicious stuff in the world to me at the moment, and being the miser that I am, the price difference is beautiful. Like, you can get three packets of Butterkist for £2, or you could get the same for 40p.
The only thing was the melted butter. It somehow didn't occur to me that actually, melted butter is really really hot when it's just been melted. I went to spread it through the bowl with my hands, and yeah.
The dumb blonde here has a massive burn on her hand because she couldn't wait half a minute for butter popcorn.
So occasionally on a Monday night a few people and I go out for pizza after volunteering, but we decided it would be a lot better if we could go round someone's house. We're going to try and get through all the Harry Potters over the course of a term, and damn, Ron in the first few films looks ridiculous.
Anyway, I offered my house to do this, because I'm the closest to the place. We don't have to walk so far, and secretly my mum loves having people in the house, it's been so quiet since my brothers left for uni this time.
Whatever this video is part of, I want it now.
I've been up all night reading cooking blogs. At the moment, I'm loving smittenkitchen, I can't wait to try out this brownie recipe. It is a bit frustrating trying to convert the measurements though - what is it with Americans and 'cups'?
When did kids programmes get so funny?
I'm looking after my neighbour's kids at the moment. Penguins of Madagascar is genuinely hilarious.
On a different note, adverts aimed at children are the creepiest things ever.
I look into my glass,
And view my wasting skin,
And say, "Would God it came to pass
My heart had shrunk as thin!"
For then, I, undistrest
By hearts grown cold to me,
Could lonely wait my endless rest
But Time to make me grieve,
Part steals, lets part abide;
And shakes this fragile frame at eve
With throbbings of noontide.
So I officially love this poem. It's quite rare for me to find a style that I don't like. We're doing Plath at the moment (tehee, doing Plath), and that's fun.
I bought a new nail varnish today, so now my nails are mustard yellow. It's a crappy one though, I hate having to do two coats. The second is drying at the moment, which makes typing a bit hard.
I also got the most amazing jeans yesterday, they're almost impossible to describe. Just. Beautiful. Also, I lost a dress size. Yaay! On the flip side, it has the annoying side effect of my mum constantly hovering around me while I eat dinner.
I've been doing way more thinking than I usually do, which accounts for the surge in my journal writing. It's probably because I've had more time on my hands, but the painful thing about thinking is that your mind seems to bring up things just to spite you.
Like, I really should have been there more for Emily. I loved her pretty much through the whole of secondary school, but she was also my best friend. She was one of those people who constantly needed protecting from life, because she was so damn fragile that the simplest thing could send her over the edge.
When I was younger, I was really puzzled by the whole idea of dating. Namely when I saw really attractive women with unattractive men.
I used to think to myself that the overwhelming majority of women were beautiful, and only 5% of men who were actually attractive. Why then, don't the women just say "screw them", and go out with each other?
Anyway, it pretty much sums up the point I'm at at the moment. On the surface, I find just about any woman attractive enough to go out with, and gosh, doesn't that make me sound dodgy. Past that, I guess its all determined by personality.