Why is it that whenever I like a girl she is always straight, always really intense or just plain crazy or liking her causes intensely awkward situations? WHY?

All of these apply for this current girl.

Its not love and I'm not even sure if I like like her. (Yes I am in middle school lol.)

She plays on my softball team. Probably one of the best players I've ever seen play.

To make matters worse (or better depending on how you look at it) she is really freakin cute.

You hear a song or watch a movie that brings up some of those memories that are best left forgotten?

I was listening to Your Biggest Fan and I Just Laugh by NeverShoutNever and they both reminded me of how shitty my relationships with girls have been.

It sucks kind of a lot. lol.

But anyway, I really really need to get my hair cut.

What I want is a haircut like Ellen Degeneres.

Alas, my mother thinks its a bad idea and tells me to wait until after high school. My hair would probably look really shitty short because it gets really curly.

To turn bi and gay girls straight.

The past two girlfriends of mine, after they broke up with me, came out as straight.

I must be a wretched kisser.

Or have an anti-gay forcefield around me or something.

This is just ridiculous.

So all my friends who said that she would screw me over, again, were right, AGAIN.

I am so sick of my friends being right about me and girls. It's so frustrating.

Last night, after my ex told me she was straight on facebook chat I told her that she could take all the time she needed to figure her shit out.

I went to see Alice in Wonderland with my girlfriend this afternoon.

Very very very very good movie. The actress who played Alice was uber fantastic.

And the cool 3D glasses we got looked totally rockin.

And now you all must be wondering what the awkward family moment my title is referring to.

Well, my gf and I decided to hang out in my basement.

Pretty much just made out the whole time. :D

My mother, who decided that it was a good idea right then to ask me a
question, walked right in on me.

Thank god we still had all our clothes on. But only just.

I'm writing the greatest paper in my English class.

Gay rights!!!

Don't Ask, Don't Tell, same-sex marriage, adoption rights.

So excited.

I love doing the research. :D

Along with the paper, I have to do a speech.

I'm surprised that I had the balls to pick this topic. lol

Nervous but excited at the same time. :)

This afternoon was great.

I talked to this girl Saturday, and I ended up asking her out.

She came over today to hang out and we watched Imagine Me and You and part of But I'm a Cheerleader.

We made out a little. :D

Olivia is totally beautiful and a fantastic kisser.

I'm gonna see her at school tomorrow and it's gonna be great.

We can't really tell anyone because she isn't out and her parents are weirdly religious but hey, it's cool with me. :)

It's nice to have someone who I can be myself around. Who will let me kiss her. lol.

All in all, it was a great day. :)

http://www.alyson.com/

There is an entire section dedicated to lesbian erotica books. ;)

And don't worry all you guys, there's some books there for you too.

Now if only I could purchase a few of these books.

Me thinks my local public library doesn't have them. lol

Today was insane.

The school day was pretty lame.

After school, things got complicated.

My friend, Bre, is a really great friend.

But, she's really cute and funny and I think I might like her.

Maybe.

I dunno. It's weird. Personally, I'd rather just forget it.

I had to think about this all during my last Academic Challenge meet and my game was way off.

On the bus ride home, my friend Devan and I were talking about girls.

Our friend Hannah's boobs and how great they are, which girls are hot, and even just finding a girl to make out with.

I've had a five day weekend.

It started out as a 3 day weekend for President's day.

Add on two more snow days and you have my week so far.

It's been mostly boring.

Today was oddly productive though.

I cleaned, made some cookies, watched season 3 of Weeds.

Waiting for season 2 of the L Word to download.

Trying to finish some books.

But I actually want to go back to school.

I need to get out of the house!!

Anyone else have a crazy snow-covered week?

I seriously need to stop watching this show.

Honestly, it's getting my hopes up thinking that I'll find a girlfriend somehow.

And we all know that's not going to happen.

Lol I know I'm a little behind the times since I'm still watching season 1 but am I the only one who thinks that girl carpenter (Candace I think) is insanely hot?

Seriously.

And I know its wrong that Bette is cheating with her on Tina, but OMG.

They are really good together.

Two snowdays in a row!! it's so fantastic.

So today I downloaded the first season of the L word and in the process of downloading all 3 season of Arrested Development.

Did anyone see Ellen on AI?

She will be a great judge. :)

I wish I could dress like her. That would be too cool.

Um... What else?

Oh yeah!

I just started reading The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

Really great.

Wow this post was completely irrelevant and random.

Lol thanks for reading though!

I talked to this girl last night.

My friend gave me her number.

She was so cool. :D We talked for at least 3 hours.

I really like her.

Alas, she lives in Texas. But whatever. :) That's why cell phones are great.

This is a vast improvement from my last journal, right guys? lol.

:)

I'm listening to the Fray feeling all sorry for myself...

Also looking at old pictures of my ex...

Ugh. This is bad.

I have never felt more lonely in my life.

This morning I thought I was feeling happier, better at the least.

But I'm back to this empty feeling in my chest...

The only thing consoling me at this point is old episodes of Skins. Just watching the Naomily parts...

I not exactly sure what to do...

Help?

So I'm going to Sibs weekend at my sister's college.

She has been frantically looking for activities for us to do. She really doesn't have to cause I just love spending time with her.

Anyway she texted me tonight and told me that there is going to be an LGBT prom.

But its the weekend after I'll be there.

I'm so touched by her actions. :)

I have always wanted to go to one of those and her finding one... It just makes me smile.

True I can't go, but its def the thought that counts. :)

Today started out fantastically. I had lots of energy and was ready for school.

I was fine until 7th period.

That's when it happened.

This wave of despair, anger, and frustration nearly drowned me.

Despair because I realized how lonely I was. (I have nobody to talk to in that class. Also no girlfriend....)

Anger because the assignment I was working on started out good and went to crap.

Also explains the frustration.

It sucked. It totally ruined my day.

I wish I knew how to prevent a few little emotions to ruin so much good.