I think that its kind of wrong that I'm doing this, but it doesn't mean I'm going to stop. No, I'm not prostituting myself on myspace. And actually the only friend I have on myspace is Tom, and I'm perfectly fine with that because of the purpose of my account. This is the weird part.
My sister's softball team won! I feel like a proud momma. I go to all of her games and cheer her on. A little surprising that the gay daughter isn't the one playing softball right? xD Yeah, but my family is pretty liberated, and I like it. They are 4-8. One more game.
So, I'm going to pride with my ex gf. Thoughts about this? I mean there is no way we are getting back together. I just think that it is kind of weird that we are going together even though it was my idea. So... I guess really I shouldn't say anything. My friend was supposed to go, but then she backed out because I think it wouldn't be that bad if she went with us. But then again, my friend doesn't like her. So... I'm fucked either way. And it's not like we won't have a good time. I hope I find someone new. I'm def over her so we can hang out and shit. I'm at her house right now actually.
It feels like the end of something, and I don't know what to say, I think we both let it disintegrate. And it is disheartening. But I think that you should read this. And you should know that I do love you even if I've never actually said it, I do. I have such an issue with that, not meaning it. But saying it when I do mean it. So I hope this says something to you.
I was reading another forum and this disturbed me. I don't know if anyone else has read this, so I'll post the link. But man, this is why people don't want to come out, it really is. And I'm fortunate enough to live in a place where it's not a big deal, but I sure know lots of people where it is. It hurt to read this.
So I think I did something kind of stupid. I mean it was accidental. Or maybe just a misinterpretation. Not sure what really happened. I know what my intentions were, but I don't think the other person did. I almost wish they could/would read this because I want them to know that it wasn't my intention. I also think I might be over reacting.
That's where my brain has been lately. Yesterday I was mad. Mad that those bitches at the mall were just like the girls at my school. And mad that I had to be around people like that. School's out for the summer. I know that doesn't mean anything, but I was hoping.
It's a good song by U2, but that isn't the point. Every year pride is celebrated at the end of June in my town. I went last year with my mom. And two years before that with my friend (she denies it at school, but I know she is, we've talked about it, k?) and I'm thinking of going this year. This year has been really hard for me as far as my sexuality, I've been really confused. And I haven't denied that being gay is who I am (that I feel really good about), but I know that I won't always have that opportunity to be so... out. My family for the most part doesn't care.
Can you long for someone you've never met? I miss you and I don't want to say it because then I think it feels real, these feelings I have for you. And I don't want them to be real because you live too far away and things just couldn't work. I was reading about long distance relationships, and it was said that they don't work out unless there is some forseable end to the relationship being no longer long distance. And I think that has at least a little bit of truth to it. It can't always live in the future. Not for me anyway. I want the wife/husband.
Anyone reading anything decent?
I didn't want to make this a forum. But if you read this, please leave your comment or advice.
I've been thinking about getting my nipples pierced lately. And for Nanook, please remember I am female. I know a friend that has her nipples pierced and she loves it. And my friend's bf has one nipple pierced and he likes it. I'm just kind of on the fence about it.
Also I changed my picture because apparently no one can remember whether I'm male or female. xP Hopefully changing it from Flea (RHCP) to something more neutral will help?
Today was the last day of school (woot!) anyway, so we had our gym final which was to make our own workout. Which didn't happen for a lot of us. We basically stood around with nothing to do because coach wasn't telling us to do.
I don't want to say it. I can't believe how our friendship has flourished in the short time period. I feel like I can tell you anything. It just hurts me that you live so far away, and I know it isn't your fault. But I hate that we can't see each other. And talking on the phone is not only expensive, it's going to get you in trouble and I'm sorry. Though I think that I'm the one that is coming out of this more attached.
EDIT: I realized this made no sense. I made a flickr, it doesn't have very many pictures on it, but I'm working on that. Friday started everything off, and quite well. I went downtown with my best friend and texted our very own Fiona from oasis. That is one cool chica right there.
Saturday was CRAZY. My grandparents came over, I helped make dinner and my friends stayed late and we watched Velvet Goldmine (which is amazing). It's based on Bowie and Pop's life and it's SUPER Gay, I think my friend liked it better though.
The timing could have been worse, the Officer, Officer Boyle could have been more uptight, a lot of things could have gone wrong that night, but it was almost as if cosmically the wrongdoing that was committed wasn't wrong because everything was working for them. The shadowed sky gave way to an ominous tone, a kind of thickness that couldn't have been shrugged off. Even though she was sure he if he felt it- he would too, would have wanted that thickness to dissipate and leave them like one of the clouds breaking off and following them.