You're beautiful. And I'm in trouble if I love you.
Can I have some advice If I think I'm obsessing over a girl, scratch that...a woman whom I cannot love? What do I do to get over her?

I finally went as an inpatient to the hospital. Stayed there for over a week.

So, last night almost came to be my death date at the young age of eighteen. Today's been pretty okay, besides my other almost attempt. God I need help. I need the ER so bad, yet I'm so scared. Should I go? Especially after what I did yesterday to myself? Luckily I don't have any marks.
Please...I need to tell my story. Thankfully I failed. For the first time, I'm happy to fail. Well, not really.

Get off of me. Get out of my fucking head. Stop mind raping me. I know you're going to do it for real soon.

Shit. PM me. I think I'm going to get raped.

So my parents found a suicide note I wrote. Fucked up shit, I know. And I lied about it. Shit shit shit.

Anyway...they found out ('cuz someone suggested I tell them) about April Twelfth. Yes, I know it's tomorrow. That was originally the suicide date I picked. I told them not to leave me alone. And I have like ER rooms and suicide hotline numbers in my cell (programmed), and 911 on speed dial.

Looking for distractions now. Please PM me.

Sorry for my out-of-line post the other day.

I got back from the hospital where i had my evaluation. i will be going to an outpatinet program 3 times a week (~10 hours). I'm not sure how I feel right now.
It bothers me that they dont want me / dont think I need more help. that makes me want to try to kill / hurt myself. anyone have any good ways on doing it with the least amount of pain?

then they can just add me to the #s of fucked up kids. i dont care anymore. i'll die and nobody will notice.

Today I went to the mall and bought some amazingly soothing lotion from Bath and Body Works. It's "Wild Honeysuckle" flavored which is great 'cuz i just wrote a journal entry about how calming the smell is to me (before i saw the lotion). Then I bought a belt for only $2~~~~ I'm excited,....I got out of paying a crazy amount for a thin piece of leather. Hah, sounds like I'm talkin about kinky sex.
Anyway, I'm in a good mood.
And reading A good book. That I think I've heard the story before.
Tomorrow's the amazing day that I will hopefully get put into partial hospitalization:)

What does love feel like? Am I in love? Not love like the kind where you and I kiss and hug. But, I think I love you. What do I do?

Jeff...I need your help with something. is there a way to delete my account? i'm not sure I should be on here anymore...what, with my stupid accounts of suicide.

So, about my interview this past wednesday at the hospital (the evaluatio)...it was a 4 hour long interview...1.5 hours with the woman, my parents, and I, and then 2.5 hours with just the woman and I. She asked a lot of questions and we joked around a bit. She asked me if I thought a robot was controlling my mind.

What all do you want to know about it?

so, today i went up to my teacher at lunch and pretty much said "I'm going to cut myself today". the counselor wasnt there, so she took me to the nurse.

oh...gad....i need help. now. please PM me or something.

Finally../.
today, my parents and I are taking off from work/school to go to the hospital where I will be evalutted for a outpatient program for suicidal teens.
im scared.
i almost did it yesterday.
jeez, im sorry

I almost did it (suicide) last night. Okay, truth is. I attempted. Yes. I choked myself until it hurt and I started coughing. I need help. Can I trust a suicide hotline?

I chickened out. I told my therapist everything. But decided to not go to the hospital. I promise I will tomorrow. Inpatient.

please, write with ideas on how i can say it to her or someone at school.... (is it bad to say at school)?