I promised myself I wouldnt write this journal because it probably sounds weird, but whatever,

I WANT AN ADAM'S APPLE.

There. I said it.

Tomorrow I planned on coming out as trans in therapy, I mean, more officially. I wrote up a whole coming out letter and everything.

My depression's stopping me. I don't think i'll come out now. Quite a bit to deal with at the moment and gender is the least of my concerns, or thtat's what I'd like to believe though I don't believe this is truly so in my head.

But whatever.

I just saw a picture of one of my best friends but it was gross. no it wasnt a naked picture or anything.

See, she was my best friend but she barely talks to me ever since the thing happened. that one fucking day two days before my birthday. Why the hell it had to happen, i dont know.

anyway, as i was saying, i saw a picture of this friend of mine. and she looks so gross. i feel so mean to say this.

but i remember her telling me she had been hospitalized for anorexia but in my head, i never saw it was this bad.

this picture captures it all.

Never have I ever (until today) completely removed my female name from this site. I live my life as a female and though I'm not always completely postive, I consider myself to be a transgendered person. I was born female but this doesn not mean I am a girl.

In order to figure myself out a little more, I decided to take the bull by its horns, so to speak. So please use male pronouns with me. I'm trying this out to see how much I like this with hopes of translating this to my life outside of Oasis, as well.

Cheers.
Eli.

Feeling very depressed.

And I want to be a guy.

Where's he been?
:(
I miss him like crazy.

Yesterday I was in the shower and it ffrustrated me when I looked down at my body.

I started to feel really dysphoric about my chest.

I just wanted to write that.

Cant think of much to write at the moment. Thoughts are racing.

Goodnight oasis.
see you tomorrow.

I wasn't going to post for a while, but I figured I should due to some inspiration and courage I brought together after communicating with a baby rainbowsy, funnyflyby.

So here goes. About my day....

If you were to name me, what would your name for me be?

I'm just trying to see all the other names out there, or at least SOME, to see if I can relate to any more than Eli.

Coming out is a fucking mess.

I've come out a few times now as trans. This is so ...weird.

Argh. This is...interesting.

I think I'm starting to respect myself. Well, no. But I'm trying to stay on the path because I've been trusting myself more -- not doubting what I think or what I think I feel. Anyway.

Hmm...this is weird.
I'm not sure how I feel about it.

But I think, just maybe,
I'm trans?

I dont know.

anyone know the author of this quote? i love it but cant find the author name

"everything will be okay in the end. if its not okay, then its not the end"

one random question....
whats it called if a friend punches you? is it bullying or what?

so maybe i'mbuzzed again. oh wait. yes, i am.

i was writing to someone (non oasian) and i wanted to express how happy i was to have email from her. so i almost wrote :guess what, you'll never believe, but my water just broke:.
and then i checked my oasis email thing and i thought someone wrote the subject "faggot"and i was like WOAH NOW. wtf. ok. it was me. i read it wrong.

BUZZ