...i think i'm going to kill someone. i pressed "preview" and the entire journal went kablooey.
jefffffff! d'you think you could do that thing that tumblr has where your post is automatically saved before posting? its no biggie, cus i usually copy&save my posts before i post 'em, but it'd be awesomee if you could.
graciass.

here'sashortsummaryofwhatiwrote...

i now love physics because T and i are lab partners. she makes me feel incredible, even though she's in love with someone else, and this is slowly killing me.

ohh jeebus.
i'm exhaustedd.
have i told the epic tale of my trek to school each day?

weeeelll the Junior parking lot is below the Great Wall, which is what we dubbed our GIGANTIC retaining wall at my high school. and Great Wall is about three? stories tall, at least. so, each day i have to walk up the hill around the Great Wall, which has this increasingly fucking steep slope. it starts out, like, an inch every couple feet and then it gets to the point where you're crawling up, digging your nails into the ground to get a grip onto something.

jesus fucking fuck.
my boss - at the restaraunt, btw. i love my boss at the daycare - is this total asshole.

he has me hostessing and doing checks, two things that i've never done before. and he doesn't *train* me at all. yet he expects me to be able to know how to seat 5 adults and 3 babies, count the exact change for six checks, and make sure every section is even... WITHOUT help.

and i was fine with the checks. it was easy. type in the total, enter, wait for the tax to add on, and then count change from there.

sooo...
i went looking for something yesterday, and ended up searching under my bed.
... i had no idea how much shit i had.
i also found a questionable looking bag.
which, of course, meant i just haaaad to look in it.
...and as i dump it out on my bed, i hear my mom/dad/brother/random-family-member walking up the stairs, which are convineintly located right next to my bedroom door...

holy fuck.
tumblr has taken over my LIFEEEE.
>.<
i can get NOTHING done with that fucking thing around.
...
thats a lie.
i looked up things that pertained to my HW... and it helped. kinda.
and then i checked my dashboard, and there were ... pictures. of women.
...
don't judge me.

and on a funner note: http://media.photobucket.com/image/effy%20stonem/itsaishah/GIF/tumblr_kw...
(if you watch Skins, you'll get it)

..
i need to do that fucking HOMEWORK.
i go to school in less than... 40? hours.
guhh.

i have serious procrastination problems.

blasdjflakhfd.as

i'm starting my English assignment, and schools in three days.
and i've been on tumblr for... too long. i think i may just shut off my wifi if i get any more distractions >.<

i'm also thinking about quitting my job. again. how do i say, "you're really inappropriate, you make me really uncomfortable, and i fucking hate this job, so i quit" without sounding like a bitch?

there are times when i miss how it used to be.
back when holding hands with my best friend at a skating rink didn't make me a dyke.
back when i could go an entire school day without watching as people stopped talking when i entered a room.
and way back when, before boys with cars and fights over facebook, when i didn't have to worry whether my friends would still be my friends at the end of the month.

i guess i'm just nostalgic.

i think about it more than i should, i guess.
especially the bad parts.

i worked all day today.
9:30 til about 6.
(at the daycare, btw. not the restaraunt...)

we went on a fieldtrip to this weird animal reserve type thing and it was hilarious.

we saw piggies having sex >.<
the one little girl in my group's response was: LOOK! its a PIGGIE BACK RIDE!...
hahah.
every adult in our vacinity nearly pissed themselves.

and i found out that that cute girl who i thought was 14 is actually only a few days younger than me. fuckyesh.
but probably straight.

meh.

i also got my car today.
NBD. i nearly cried.

...and there are days when i'm sure he hates me.
today was both.
but mainly, he was adorable.

he and i have been watching Veronica Mars together, and today he spent hours watching the episodes to get ahead of me (we have Netflix on our PS3, laptops, and Wiis.

so he comes upstairs a few minutes ago and looks at me and says: "Willow's on the show" and goes back downstairs. i think that its adorable that he knows her not as "Alyson Hannigan" but as "Willow"...

god, isn't he so sexyyy? :P
i find his voice cracking adorable. the two times he does it, i mean.
that is all. ^.^

work was fuckin hectic.

i bussed about half the restaraunt. and there were about three rotations of people in, so... 40? (probs more) tables total. - i made $40ish in tipsss :D
- oh, and there was this table w/ two kinda pervy old men at it with their wives, and the one guy refered to me as "the prettiest waitress he'd had so far" (to which i replied: "oh, but i'm just the bus girl") and the other said, "oh, honey, don't fill the water up over there, bend over this way" (as in: lemme see your boobs.)

i tried to quit my job.
it didn't work very well...
he's having me work Saturdays.
>.<
but the good news is: i have a cute coworker.
which is also bad news.
she's kinda ... conservative. and went to a catholic school.
i feel like she's gay, but i really don't care enough to press the issue.

but i have to work 3nights in a row this week.

and then i get to work 9 to 5 on monday. but that time its w/ the daycare, so i'm kinda excited. :P

oh, so ... i've been getting back into slam poetry.

oh fuck it.
i'm just gonna get this all out, so i can finally sleep.

T.
you make me want to write poetry, and i hate that. no girl has ever done that to me before.
... but you probably already know that.

i don't think you know how much i really wanna just get over you, find a cute queer girl/guy and just... live my life, without you.

bah.

REM's losing my religion video is very strange. i love it.

i watched the Real L Word finale last night...
even though i hate reality shows.

i only watch it for Tracy, tbh. she's incredible - and she's in the same situation as me. kind of.

her mom knows she's gay, and just doesn't mention it. ever.
my mom knows i'm gay, but she plays it off. she thinks its just an act so i can get boys to sleep over..

but goooooddddd... Tracy. she's... gorgeous.

and Mikey and Raquel are adorable together.
/end real-l-word rant.

http://queersecrets.tumblr.com/post/949268792

i made that a week ago, submitted it, and then completely forgot about it.

i guess its only been up for a day or two, but a lot of people reblogged/commented/liked it...

i think seeing that 100+ people feel the same way has made everything a little less hard to deal with.

:)