Would i look like a total fool if i go out next friday with the guy from the last post?

Guess i'm just horny....

So, i'm "home", arrived a week ago. The house is a mess, just coming here to sleep.
I fell like the kid in the movies that goes to his dad's place on the weekends and his flat is shity. Only thing's that my parents are not splitting up, just live in different cities, which makes it more complicated, i guess.

I come here to meet my friends and family, which i haven't seen in over 5 months, and i thought that just seeing them and being with them was gonna make me feel fine but it feels kind of hollow.

And yesterday we went to the gay club and everyone was there and my cousin arrived with two of her friends, which i knew from before, and i start dancing with one of them and he grabbed my ass and i kissed him and he was so nervous about my cousin's other friend seeing him, so i took him to a far corner on the dance floor and we kissed and danced and blah.

And i like him but i'm just gonna be here for another 3 weeks so i thought i could have a holiday fling or whatever, so we kept dancing and kissing and exchanged numbers and he said he wanted to see me again. So i texted him today and he didn't reply and really doubt he will ever.

What bothers me is that he didn't reply not because he didn't like me (which i know he did :P ) but because he's in denial, he can't accept the fact that he likes men, he even told my cousin he danced with a girl, a really hot girl, but he said girl non the less.

He kissed me because he was drunk, i don't know how much he had drank, but i know he wouldn't kiss me being sober.

And i feel used and bothered and uncomfortable.
And today i discovered he gave me a hickey, which is just the cherry of the cake or however the line goes.

And i don't want to talk to my friends about this, i feel as if the connection is fading. I feel that i need a new crowd, i need new people in my life.
Just wish that people were more easily available.

News flash:

He has replied, he wants to see me but...

Besides, i can't stop coughing, fucking bacteria.

There's this guy i really like that it's really hot and fits my type and has this sexy mysterious look.

Anyway, the thing is that not me nor my friends can tell if he's gay or not. Which has always been an issue 'cause i like masculine guys but usually eye contact clears it all.

And yesterday i asked him for a lighter, which i already knew he had 'cause i know he smokes, and he did not just hand me the lighter but light up my cigarette while making eye contact and as i walked away he kept seeing me.

So i've decided to take the long shot and assume he's gay and talk to him and be flirtatious. And that's not the issue 'cause i know how to be just me and all that shit.

But i've no idea on how to start a conversation, i'd hate using the "i love your jeans/hair/whatever" line, that's just not me. And i've got a couple of ideas so far but it'd still be great to hear some advice.

Well, thanks.

New flash:

talked to the guy, total fiasco
thanks and good night....

Just got off the phone with my mother, i'm living alone no parents around and she still gets to me...

Don't get me wrong, i love her, i (usually) have a good relationship with her but when she's angry or tired or sleepy she takes it out on the world, and today the world turned out to be me. She hanged up on me.

Ok, maybe i wasn't the nicest son and she's never been quite fond of my sense of humour but i swear i meant it as a joke...

Anyway, i'm sick, literally. Last night, in between dreams, i remember freezing and thought that if i coughed my lungs would pop out.
And all day long my lungs have been poping out.
So i've spend all day under blankets and drinking tea. Love Twining's chai blend voyage whatever.

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo, i've found this really nice illustration of a fox's head and i just feel it fits me, though it may be a little hard to get it tattoed, is made of a zillion of really tiny orange/golden lines.

I'd put a link to it but first i've to made my mind about it and then get artist's permission, which i think will be kind of a drag.

But, trust me, it's lovely. It's like this indie peaceful wise mysterious fox with a necklace around his head.

And yeah, there's this other matter that i wanted to post here 'cause i could use some advice but i think i'll write in a new entry.

(as if by "matter" no one could tell i'm refering to a guy...)

:P

So i just signed-up here, wish there was an about section, but anyway...

Mi name is José or Joseph or Giuseppe or just Jos, i live in mexico city, am 18 years old, studyin biology (love it!)
I had a blog once, well twice, but i felt, twice, that it was just too public, and i guess this can also get too public...

I kind of tend to spill everything out as soon as possible, always had, but about 4 months ago i moved here and started living alone and since i've felt that i'm kind of more private, guess my mind goes "totally new world, you're alone, red alert, defense shell ON!". So i tell nothing, well almost nothing. But the impulse of spilling everything out is still there hence anonymous posting, yay!

So, obviously, i'm gay, i realized i was a long time ago, sixth grade, and before that i was kind of asexual, i don't know if asexual is the right word but i just didn't fancy anyone, boy nor girl.
But then, one day at my aunt's house i was watching mtv with my cousin, we were like 10 or 11, and the rock dj video came on and i felt weird things down there.
Not so much time after that, i had my first orgasm, by myself and freaked me out enormously, and i thought about a boy in my class and everything just fall into place, "i'm gay" the epiphany.

It was really easy for me, it just felt it was the right thing so i embraced it. I think it was because i have super cool parents who always said to me that everything was ok unless it harmed others.
And, of course, it felt great thinking about naked boys.

Coming out wasn't that easy.

As a kid the other kids, male young terrorists, always said things like "faggot" and such. Which really got to me at the time, i was really sensitive about what everyone said or thought about me.
Fortunately i learned and now that doesn't matter almost at all, but it took me a lot to get here.

Anyway, i first told a girl-friend, she just loved it, she said she had always wanted a gay friend, we were 11.
Having such a good start i began to tell my close friends but among them i told the wrong person and suddenly the hole school knew.

Don't really remember how i handle that but we moved at the end of that school year so i guess it wasn't much of a problem.
And it really helped me, i started to identify the people who would accept it and the ones who wouldn't.
Then we moved back again and i entered a different school and i told my cousin, which was great because we're like brother and sister and more.

And then i entered high school and for the first time i met another gay person. And that was really helpful, because together we started living a totally out life, we just didn't care if people knew or not, we just did and said whatever we wanted, and still do. Plus we're now best friends (in the true meaning of the words) and she's the person i love most.

And one day, think it was still high school's first year, i saw brokeback mountain's trailer,never had any contact with gay culture before that, and i thought "gay cowboys, we're everywhere!".
So that night i wrote my parents a coming-out letter and waited for them to arrive and read it and then i went to their room and they just said "we already knew". And it was just great.

I always knew they were both going to be totally ok with it but i still felt scared, guess it was because i knew so many coming-out stories gone wrong.
And now, like always, they support me in being gay and everything else, they have met 3 of my boyfriends and even tried to gave me gay sex education but realized i already knew, which i think relieved them because they looked really uncomfortable.
They rock.

I know i'm really lucky and my coming out story is kind of uncommon, and wish is was just as easy for everyone, but i think we're getting there.
I really think we are.

Hmm wanted to write a mini bio and ended up writing my coming out story...
Guess the coming out story is always a mini bio...