So I find myself in need of help. I think I still love my ex and i thought i was over it. I have this clash of emotions because I care about someone (baby) but I feel as my heart has been taken and my ex refuses to give it back. But then again I planed on moving forward with someone that has a girlfriend so that was a mistake. I don't know what to do, I'm honestly desperate for a way out.

Today was the end of a relationship, mine and baby's. I guess I couldn't do it anymore, I like her and she knows that but Miss. Queen of the world, as she likes to call herself can't be selfish and have everything. She can't have her girlfriend and me at her sleeves. I told her we couldn't talk anymore and as bitter as it felt I have to go through with it because I can't take bullshit like that anymore. I like her, she knows that but if her happiness relies on her girlfriend I'll gladly step out of the way for her and when I say step out of the way, I mean it. I can't be there anymore not until I know for a fact that I'm over her. Hopefully it'll be soon so we can continue our friendship but I don't see that happening anytime soon, we'll see what the future has in stored for me.

It’s not a need or a want but a right.
To fly and submerge and feel, no not feel, desire.
Closer and unreachable, it’s never enough.
You give the needed but it’s never sufficient
We always want more, I always want more.

To let go seems easy to write.
To write is never easy to express.
I hold on, still holding.
I open my eyes and its reality
But it feels like my world.
Why am I holding?

A caress and a pull
Open and close, still reality
And I hold on even harder.
What won’t I release?
You? Or us?

Be the open mind of the immortal
Search reality to its roots
Give and take the ecstasy
Spoil the numerous powers of imagination
With the unthinkable pretend; it’s in the abyss

This is all so new to me. I keep saying I'm Bi in a way of self defense because in my head it makes it ok to be half gay. But I think its time to stop with the pretenses and accept the truth of what I am and that is a full on lesbian. I find men attractive from time to time because I've been brought up with that mind set for 18 years but they don't come close to the way a girl feels in your arms and the softness and suppleness of their lips. It took me this long to come in terms with who I am and what I like but I'm glad I can openly say I like girls and wouldn't have them any other way.

It's funny because, I've had illicit relationships with girls before, nothing special just adventures to pass the time. But now I see myself falling for a girl that has fallen for someone else and I don't know how to handle it. I want to be selfish and take her away from her girlfriend but that wouldn't be fair to Baby, (I call her Baby :]) I don't want to hurt her if her girlfriend is what she wants.

I guess if this doesn't work with her there are many other girls out there, but for now I only want her.