something interesting

Merric — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 09:15:26 +0300

I've been thinking about something from last Saturday night. I was with a few of my friends and--shit, I need a name, I'll call him Paulo I guess, so Paulo said, "I'm going to say something awkward." And of course everyone was like, go on, say it, and he looked at me and said, "You look different when I'm drunk."

I said, "Really. In what way?" (I was sober, because I'm boring like that.)

He said, "This is going to sound bad." And then eventually he said, "You look more like a real person. Not everyone. Just you."

Tegan and Sara

Merric — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 08:32:48 +0300

Okay, I'm a bit of a fangirl. So if Tegan and Sara were going to perform in my city, I was going to see them. And I did. I don't really know what to say except that it was amazing and they are the nicest funniest cutest people ever.

Buffy

Merric — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 22:41:24 +0300

On Friday I finished the last episode of season 7 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. It was bittersweet. Admittedly, I did some yelling of "Fuck you, Joss!" due to some of the events that happened in the final episode... but I'll try not to spoil anyone.

I suppose now I'll have to move on to Angel, or Firefly, or Doctor Who, or Torchwood... suggestions?

On second thought, I should probably wait until summer before committing myself to another fandom.

and also

Merric — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:24:41 +0300

my birthday is on Saturday. I'll be nineteen, when did that happen?

hello again.

Merric — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 06:23:05 +0300

It's been a while, I know. And with the changeover of people lately I'm sure there are many who don't know who I am, but anyway.

Story time, what fun.

I was in the servery at dinner and the discussion turned to last names and alphabet placement, so thrilling, and I was sitting next to my friend Ella so I told her how my last name was going to die out because this generation of my family was all female.

Ella said, "Well, you're planning to adopt, right?"
"I guess...?"
"And you're not going to get married."
I shrugged.

blinding

Merric — Sun, 27 Dec 2009 03:45:03 +0300

The white snow and the white sky. This was my first white Christmas since... 2002, I think, has it been that long?

I'm nearly nineteen--when did that happen?

My grades have started coming in at last. A's and B's so far, which I can live with, despite the 4.0 I had in high school. I'm prouder of my B- in physics than I am of any A I made in the previous four years. It's a notoriously painful course.

the eve of christmas eve

Merric — Thu, 24 Dec 2009 03:30:38 +0300

It feels strange to be home from college. My room seems so huge.

Things are a little rocky with my mom. I'm a private person, and she thinks I'm shutting her out. Just the same old shit we've been going over for years, but magnified because she's being clingy and needy as I've been gone all this time.

Also, things haven't been quite the same since she indirectly called me a pervert. Nearly a year ago now.

She still expects me to marry a nice Catholic boy and give her grandchildren.

let's take inventory.

Merric — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 06:27:44 +0300

Who am I these days?

1. Well, I’m a dyke.
2. I’m half-out.
3. I’m a failed Catholic.
4. I’m a nerd.
5. I’m a freak.
6. I’m pretty. At least Summer thinks so.
7. “And I’m not just saying that, if I were I would say, ‘You’re… not bad…’”
8. I’m a cross-dresser.
9. Though only on rare, special occasions.
10. I’m a femme.
11. Kind of.
12. I’m a semi-femme.
13. I love who I am.
14. And I might be someone completely different tomorrow.
15. I can live with this.

FINALS

Merric — Sun, 13 Dec 2009 09:48:20 +0300

Wish me luck.

sugar spell it out

Merric — Sun, 06 Dec 2009 22:49:55 +0300

I haven't been on here in forever. I'm sorry. This semester's been crazy--I pretty much don't sleep anymore. I have ridiculous dark circles under my eyes. This is probably not good for me.

So... let's backtrack and get to the important stuff. Throughout the semester, I've kind of gradually slipped into the being-out-without-coming-out strategy. I just stopped censoring myself as much. And I've been throwing out a lot of hints to my closer friends.

But then I sort of officially came out to Ella and Summer, probably the two I'm closest to.

$

Merric — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 22:51:29 +0300

On Thursday I spent over eighty dollars on wood for my latest architecture project.
This is disgusting.

I'm pretty sure architecture is the most expensive major here. It takes so many supplies, and they cost so so so much.

I need a job that actually pays, but I don't have time for a job. I do copy-editing at the campus newspaper, but I get paid less than minimum wage for that. And I don't do that for the money anyway (it wouldn't be worth it if I did).

I am so ready for this semester to be over. But at the same time, I don't want to go home.

This is my home now.

to sodomy, it's between God and me, to s&m... la vie boheme!

Merric — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 05:44:03 +0300

So my dorm building put on a production of RENT, and my friend Ella was teching for it, and Summer and Ella and I have been singing the songs everywhere we go, 'cause we're cool like that.

In other news, their suite (Summer, Ella, Greta, and Rose) has officially adopted me. I feel loved.

Physics is raping me. God, let the pain stop.

A little over a month longer. I can make it. I hope.

Someday I will post something with actual substance, won't that be nice.

Oh, I almost forgot--for anyone who hasn't heard the new Tegan & Sara album, it's amazing! I love it so much!

burnout

Merric — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 02:19:58 +0300

I'm going to take a lighter load next semester, I swear.

I just hate doing all this work and not doing any work I can feel proud of. I'm getting by, but I could be stellar if only I had fewer classes.

I want to know that what I do is as good as I can make it. And that's not happening right now.

I haven't slept much this week. I feel tired. I feel stupid.

I like architecture, and I feel bad about not working up to my full potential. But I'm feeling apathetic. I should be in studio right now.

I should be in studio all the time.

there's a hole in the world like a great black pit

Merric — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:39:15 +0300

So I was Sweeney Todd for Halloween, because it wouldn't be Halloween without a little cross-dressing, and I looked incredibly gay, which was kind of awesome, and I will probably elaborate more on Halloween-ness later.

A few days ago I was on mylifeisaverage.com and I found this:
http://mylifeisaverage.com/story.php?id=1110160

It made me think of Bulldyke and Jmy.

remember me?

Merric — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:03:53 +0300

So I haven't been on much lately, 'cause I'm a loser, and there's always something I need to be doing, and and and...

Buffy is taking over my life.

I'm not kidding. It would be scary if it weren't kind of awesome.

My friends (well, the closest ones) are Buffy fans. My conversations are Buffy conversations.
In the servery, Ella says, "It's like, oh my God, poor Willow! And oh my God, poor Xander! And--"
"Oh my God, poor Inca Mummy Girl!" I finish with her.