summer in the city

Merric — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 05:09:58 +0400

I've been away. I'm sure you've all missed me terribly. Pretend you did, even if you didn't.

There's a lake in the city, and in the evening the crescent moon hangs in a deep blue sky between black silhouettes of giant palm trees, and it looks almost too ideal, like a Corona commercial. And if I really were in a Corona commercial I'm sure I would wander around rapturously with a beer in my underage hand, but I wouldn't drink it, because it would look just too fucking perfect with the lime slice in the top.

listening to Regina Spektor's "Eet"

Merric — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:59:02 +0400

over and over and over and

I was busy today. I had to have a physical for my college paperwork. Apparently I’m in perfect health, though underweight, but then I always have been, no matter how much I eat. It’s my body type, I guess.

Maeve and I went to see Up (which was amusing), and it’s weird but sometimes I feel like I’m in a faux-relationship with her, if that makes sense. It doesn’t actually, I don’t even know what I’m saying.

you don't talk about fight club

Merric — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 09:20:40 +0400

I stayed up late last night, watching Fight Club in between commercials for Axe and beer and condoms.
Somehow I got the feeling I wasn't the target audience.

In other news, I'm happy. Not euphoric, just stable. I'm very quietly, calmly happy. It's not a bad way to be.

I've been painting. In oils. With my fingers. Fingerpainting is definitely the way to go.

Also, you know what's really good? Tostitos dipped in chocolate fondue. Trust me.

Yeah. That's about it.

just realized something

Merric — Sat, 20 Jun 2009 06:51:03 +0400

Until I was gay, I never really wanted to get married.
(Wait, did I just put "until I was gay"? I meant, until I knew I was gay.)
It was something I didn't really want or care about doing, but I always assumed I would.
And now, I really would like to get married someday. But I probably won't.
I can't in this state, anyway.

I don't know. I'm being kind of vague and I'm not really feeling all that lucid right now.

I was bored, took an online quiz, it said I would get my heart broken five times.
Awesome.

they're all connected!

Merric — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 09:59:14 +0400

Okay, so. If you can tell that my avatar is Death from the Sandman books, you probably know that I worship Neil Gaiman. Neil Gaiman is in a relationship with brilliant singer/musician Amanda (fucking) Palmer. I had thought if two entities of such extreme talent united the universe would explode, but apparently not.

ice cream and painkillers

Merric — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 04:09:12 +0400

The title is not strictly accurate anymore, as I have graduated to what is more or less Real Food.

I had my wisdom teeth out a few days ago. Apparently the anaesthetic affected me strongly and they had to carry me into the recovery room, but luckily I have no memory of that. I've been convalescing rapidly.

Rice is slaying my soul with an online Comp Exam. Couldn't they just trust my AP scores?
It's okay, Rice. I love you anyway.

because I'm selfish

Merric — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 06:18:52 +0400

I want to be able to follow my impulses.
I want to take the highway further, until I’m in the middle of nowhere, step out of the car and memorize my surroundings.
I want to be alone when I feel like it, but find the people who matter when I need to.
I want to wander wherever the urge takes me.
I want to stay up all night in a burst of creativity, not worrying about schedules, deadlines, meetings.
I want to spend a year illuminating manuscripts.
I want to take an old cliché and reinvent it as something fabulous.
I want to walk alone in the dark.

Which kind of chocolate is best? (just to be random...)

Merric — Tue, 26 May 2009 05:27:28 +0400

* Milk * Dark * White * Chocolate can fall off a cliff and die * other

it's been a while...

Merric — Sun, 24 May 2009 07:27:35 +0400

since I last posted.

According to an online quiz, I am 0% homophobic. How shocking.

Anyway...

In short:
I graduated on Monday. In theory. I actually still had assignments to do, which is why I spent the rest of the week not sleeping. Which is why I spent most of the day today sleeping. Except for when I was watching Star Trek, which was quite good except that I really, really hate time travel scenarios.

And also, my hands smell weird. I can't figure out why.

just watched Andrea Gibson's "I do" on youtube

Merric — Thu, 14 May 2009 04:19:13 +0400

Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.

I was going to write about it but I'm left without words.

...

In other news... 4 AP tests down, one to go. Things are terribly hectic, but after next week I should have all the time in the world.
I need time.

theory:

Merric — Sun, 10 May 2009 04:04:44 +0400

heaven and hell are exactly the same. The only difference is who goes where.

Think about it. If you were surrounded by truly good people, wouldn't that be heavenly? And if you were only around people you couldn't trust, people who were harsh or cruel or judgmental, wouldn't that be hell?

the notorious one lives

Merric — Thu, 07 May 2009 03:17:12 +0400

I got home from school in hyper/exhausted mode, got the mail, dropped it on the kitchen table, then looked through it.

It wasn’t until the second look that I realized there was an envelope addressed to me in shaky writing. I ripped it open and found a letter folded around a fifty-dollar check. “Congratulations on your graduation,” it said, and it was signed by Uncle… oh, fuck my anonymity, it’s a generic name anyway… George.

I shrieked. “UNCLE GEORGE! He sent me a letter!”

there will be blood

Merric — Wed, 06 May 2009 06:00:39 +0400

No, this has nothing to do with the time of month. It has to do with the AP Calc BC test.

I am so, so screwed.

In less than twelve hours I will be hunched over an exam clutching my TI and pencil.

It will probably be a brutal form of mindrape. Let's just say... it's not gonna be pretty.

I might feel better about this if my teacher had done a decent job of, you know, teaching. But we won't go there.

Wish me luck, or wish at least for my mental death to be painless.

beware the albino squirrels

Merric — Sun, 03 May 2009 08:13:23 +0400

Sorry for my slight hissy fit in the last journal. It's simply that I get frustrated with myself that I hide behind my friends in every social situation, that I always lurk back in the shadows.

I won't be able to do that in college, since I only know one other person going to Rice. It should be interesting.... Okay, moving on.

My English teacher thinks I can be a writer. Technically I suppose I am a writer, because, well, I write. But becoming a professional writer, well. That's something else.

shyness.

Merric — Fri, 01 May 2009 04:28:55 +0400

It's crippling, and I'm sick of it.

Even here, I feel shy. It's so hard to reach out, like facing a glass wall.

I don't know what I'm so afraid of, why I can't just open my mouth and prattle away. I guess part of it is a fear of intruding, being an annoyance, but that can't be all.

I feel like every time I speak or write I'm rammed face-to-face with my own inadequacy.

Have a beautiful joyous day!

The end.