It's summer vacation!~
Got my report card back to day.
It was decent- all A's except for Gym, which was a B+ TT_TT
School's over.
Today was a pretty fun last day, cleaned up, played around.
But gosh it was sad watching the Grade 8's leave.
It'll be 3 years till I'll be in high school with them~
I wanted so bad to just make out with S. before school ended, but I didn't.

Today our school's Band played for the grade 8's.
Although the main reason I joined this band was to get into the Graduation ceremony.
Tomorrow's the last day of school~
Anyway, it was really fun, playing for them, watching them get awards, but it was really sad knowing that I won't see them for 2 years, and some of them I'd never see again.

School's ending on Thursday.
And Thursday's a half day.
Summer's gonna suck.
At first I was happy; Now I'm sad.
I don't know how I'm gonna deal without S.
He's so perfect.

The only consolation is that I get to go a summer camp.
10 days away from my parents~Hooray!~

So I went over to S.' to finish a project.
Our third group member wasn't there, so it was just me and him.
There were constantly uncomfortable silences, which were, luckily, mostly broken by his younger brother.
It felt really awkward, because I found myself wanting to do things to him I know I shouldn't.
Although we're pretty good friends by now I guess.

I finally finished Chinese School for the year ~_~
It's so annoying.
I'm really bad at speaking Chinese, and can hardly read/write it, but my parents insist on "learning a new language" and also insist to put me in the faster class.
My marks were pretty bad, B-/C+'s.
It's finally over

I've always been more feminine.
And because of that, I'm apparently "Gay"
I know I am, but I don't think that being feminine makes someone gay.
School REALLY sucks for me.

S. is my science partner for a project~
Meant to be done out of class~
That's mandatory~
Now I have an excuse to get his phone number and stuff.
I'm becoming more comfortable with him- it's not as awkward
The school year's ending soon.
And my parents don't like people coming over.
Or me meeting other people.
Unless it's for school.

So during Health class today our teacher talked about sexuality to us, and S. reacted strongly in a negative sense and glanced at me.
Is this a good sign?

Also I got S.' email. Hooray!

So he got glasses the other day.
He's so hot >.<
I really don't feel like I'm making any progress.
I try to be friends with him, but we're so different, so I'm just stuck staring at him; It's unsettling.
At least in Music class I get to sit behind him, regardless if I'm heaving my Alto Sax at the same time. I wish I'd taken flute or clarinet ; I'd have a reason to sit next to him.

As I walk by you, I make eye contact.
We start talking.

As I'm about to leave, you do something.
Something that shatters my soul, makes me cringe.

You smile.

At first, I'm happy.
But then it clouds over.

Suddenly, I feel different;
Feel thousands of things at once.

Like Pain.

The pain's cold like ice,
But it burns like flame.

I've slipped in a puddle of emotions,

I look forward,
See a circle of people.
In the middle, a young girl;
A wheelchair is on the ground near her,
It's been pushed over.
Everyone's screaming at her.
Laughing at her.
No one stops them.
No one cares.
She's trying hard to keep back her tears.
Then, someone speaks to me,
Tells me to join in.
I know that if I refuse they'll hurt me, too.
So I join their game.

Would it be a good idea to come out to my sister first?
I'm, in many ways, close to her than the rest of my family.
We're both kind of different.
My parents like us to be unexposed to the rest of the world,
not knowing about things like drugs and rape
Whereas she takes it from a serious, appropriate viewpoint.
In a way, I guess she'd be more comfortable than my parents...

So there's a guy I know, who I think might be gay, who's my age (11) and who I'm crushing on. Now, in a couple of days he's leaving on a 4 day school trip (Some school band thing to Ottawa) and I'm wondering if it would be a good time to tell him. Advice?

Also, I saw (what I think was) a lesbian couple today walking down the street. I never noticed that my town actually has LGBT people.

So recently I've been noticing the extreme criticism that gay and bisexual life style gets in my school. People aren't using gay as a general insult, rather actually referring to sexuality. I don't react- I'm too shy. I wish I could though. It hurts.
It's hard trying to fit in when you're 11 and gay D:
Advice please?

DesuCake