So my brother had a bonfire last night at my house. It was really fun. They had a tent and everything. Nobody stayed it in tho. I don't know why. Prolly because it was too cold. I met this really cute girl there. She was from Kentucky and she had a really cute southern accent. Too bad she was straight. I know this because she said something about how the tent should come with a guy to set it up and then they could strip or something like that. It saddened me. She was being really nice to me too. She was having me try her drinks after she made them to make sure they tasted all right. She even shared her s'more with me. Im going to try and find her on facebook tho. I don't mind being friends with straight girls who I happen to secretly have a crush on. Oh well. Maybe next time.

Ok so I like reviewing things. It's weird I know. So I saw Made of Honor with a couple of friends. I thought it was really good. I loved the ending. It was a little predictable but it still moved along fast enough so that I didn't get bored. I really liked the main characters. They had really good chemistry. If u were looking for a romantic comedy to see on a date, then this is the one.

So I read "Deliver Us from Evie." I wouldn't really recommend it. It was kind of below my reading level not to insult anyone who has read it and liked it. It just wasn't very fast-paced. It also didn't have that great of a plot. It didn't have that much lesbian content. Not that I wanted it to have adult content. I just wanted the main character to be a lesbian instead of her being more of a supporting character.

I just felt like writing for the hell of it. I'm reading "Deliver Us From Evie" right now. I haven't been amazed yet. I got it off pinkbooks.com which is an awesome site in my opinion. I'll tell if I like the book when I'm done reading it. So right now I'm totally broke. I'm already going into credit card debt and I just got a credit card like a month ago. It sucks. I do get my paycheck on Wednesday which will be nice. I'm really excited. I'm going to be doing bakesales to raise money to go to Costa Rica. I want to at least raise enough so that I can pay for my plane ticket. I love baking. It's so much fun. Any ideas for fundraising? I'm already doing bake sales and a car wash. I don't have that many options since college is pretty much over for the semester. There aren't as many people who take classes in the spring. So I made pizza the other night. It was really good. I even made the dough. I'm sorry but my tomato sauce hasn't come out very good yet so that was store bought. So tomorrow my final is due for my rock and roll class. I don't even have half of it done. I'm really bad when it comes to procrastinating. I'm really sad because I lost my rollerblades. I think someone stole them because I had them in a box in my storage locker and they aren't there anymore. The locker isn't locked because it's broken. It's really weird.

So I weighed myself prolly a month ago. Then I weighed myself the other day and it seems that I've gained about 7 lbs if i remember the last weight correctly. I don't know how. I usually watch that I don't eat that bad of food. I don't exercise that much but I'm not a couch potato. It's not like it's that bad tho. It kind of evened out all over my body since im 5'7". It helps, believe me. I figure that since I still can fit into my clothes that it's not that bad. I just want to be losing weight instead of gaining it. I'm going to Costa Rica this summer and I wanna be on the beach on the weekends. I wanna u know look semigood in a bathing suit at least. Oh well.

So I'm listening to my slow song mix right now and crying. I'm afraid of failing this one class. Believe me it's a possibility. Sometimes I feel like such a failure. I don't have that great of a gpa. It's not that I'm a slacker. Sometimes I don't think I have what it takes to be a teacher. This wasn't even a required class. I just took it because my friend was taking it and it was another spanish class. I should have known this time wouldn't be different. I had this professor before and I got a C in her class that time. I'm actually hoping for a C this time. It's so pathetic. I hate school sometimes. I should be studying right now. I just feel like it's not going to help. What's the point if the best I can get according to my calculations is a C at this point. The stupidest thing is how much her homework is worth. She made it so a 2 point homework assignment is worth 5% of our overall grade. Thank God I don't have to take her class in the fall. I'm taking it in Costa Rica. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Soundtrack of my life right now:

1. The Book of Love- Peter Gabriel
2. Sleep- The Dandy Warhols
3. Storm- Lifehouse
4. Que Será Será- Sly and the Family Stone
5. You Oughta Know- Alanis Morissette
6. Breathe- Anna Nalik
7. Almost Lover- A Fine Frenzy
8. I Grieve- Peter Gabriel
9. Mad World- Gary Jules
10. Hallelujah- Jeff Buckley
11. Last Request- Paolo Nutini
12. This Years Love- David Grey
13. If God Will Send His Angels- U2

Kissing Jessica Stein: 3 out of 5. it had a good plot but it wasn't very exciting

Better Than Chocolate: 3 out of 5. i liked the characters and what happened to them. it had a good ending.

All Over Me: 2 out of 5. boring.

High Art: 2 out of 5. bad ending.

Imagine Me and You: 5 out of 5. best lesbian movie ever. i loved the two actresses in this movie.

Gray Matters: 4 out of 5. it was cute. i liked the plot and the two lead actresses.

Something About Jane: 1 out of 5. corniest movie ever. also prolly had the lowest budget for any kind of movie.

Love and Suicide: 1 out of 5. pretty much for the same reasons as Something about Jane.

that's all for now. i do have a couple more movies i'm getting from netflix soon so i'll be sure and review those too. for all of those who care.

This weekend is going to be so awesome. I can't wait. I'm going to Canada with a couple of friends to go to bars and go to the casino. I'm thinking the latter before the former. I don't think drinking should be mixed with gambling. I haven't really done anything exciting lately so this is going to be really fun. The last time I went to the casino I had a ton of fun even tho I had to work in the morning. This time I don't have to get up early in the morning. I had to work for about five hours with 2 hours of sleep. It sucked. I took like a two hour nap afterwards. It was totally worth it tho. Yayness!

So it seems I may be going to Costa Rica during the summer. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because it's not official yet but it seems like it might actually happen. I can't wait! I've scheduled my classes for fall. It looks like I'm going to be taking two Spanish classes, history and environmental science. It's not bad for me. It's better than what I've had before. So I've watched the 11th episode of the 5th season of the L Word. I don't want to watch the last one. I don't know what I'm going to do when the show is over. I can't believe that they are canceling it. It's so sad. I'm still trying to download some lesbian movies. They are taking really long. There aren't any good lesbian movies at the video store so this is really the only way. I can't wait until this semester is over. I'm so bored of my classes. I haven't missed any of my classes. I'm trying to be good attendance-wise because I missed too many classes last semester. This way, I will get a good participation grade in my classes. I know. It's stupid. Two of my classes have attendance policies. Oh well. I guess that's the way it goes.

This is my rant on homophobia.

It makes me mad when people say really stupid things. My roommate thinks that her dog is gay because he checked himself out in a mirror and he crosses his legs. If that's all it took for a guy to be gay, then every guy would be gay. After she said this I said something about what if her child was gay. She was like "I don't know what I would do if my child was gay." Are you serious? What are you going to do, disown them? You would want to kick them out of the house if they were gay? It's like saying that someone wouldn't want to keep their child if they found out they had special needs or were deaf or something like that. I don't mean to compare gayness to disabilities, I'm just trying to make a point. Why does it make a difference? I once heard this one girl compare homosexuality to pedophilia. She was saying something about how gay people need therapy. This is a really depressing journal entry. I'm sorry. I just need to get some stuff out. I just wish my roommate weren't so homophobic. She claims that she's not but if you wish that your future child were to only be heterosexual then ur obviously not a fan of gay people. I don't care how many gay guys that ur friends with. Whenever I think about coming out to her, it makes me want to cry. Like I am right now. I hate being in the closet but I'd rather be in the closet than have someone looking at me like I'm a second-class citizen.

So I watched this movie called "High Art" today. It wasn't very good. It had no plot, it was really boring and the ending was really bad. It was a little better than this other movie I had seen called "Love and Suicide" i think. I've seen "Imagine Me and You" but other than that I haven't liked any of the lesbian movies that I've seen. Are there any movies out there that any of you would reccomend?

So I've decided to start counting calories. I know it's stupid but I want to be skinnier. I am not by all means a big girl but I still could lose a couple of pounds. I just want to look better in a swimsuit in the summer. Does anyone have any dieting tips? I've never dieted really so I could use all the tips I could get.

Ok so I've been thinking about coming out a lot lately. So I want to kind of write down a few things I might say to my roommate. I guess she's the one I want to come out first to.Here goes:
Hey Erin can I talk to you for a second? I just have a few things on my mind. So I have something that I need to talk to you about. We've known each other for a while and I feel that I can trust you. If I didn't trust you then I prolly wouldn't be friends with you. I want to be honest with you because I would want you to be honest with me when it comes to stuff like this. I know you have always thought it's weird how I never talk about guys unless you bring it up. You also thought it was weird when I had pictures of scantily clad women on my myspace. These things are not random behaviors. There is a reason for me being like this. I'm actually a lesbian. You prolly already had suspicions about me since I am not boy crazy at all. Maybe they started right when you met me or maybe it took a while. I don't know. All I know is this is who I am and I hope that you will accept me for that.

(Critique if you feel the need)

So I want to buy pride merchandise but I don't think I'll wear the stuff. I think I have to be out to wear rainbows. There are some really cute earrings out there tho. This hopefully will be a motivational tool to help me come out sooner. I want to do it before I turn 21 at least. That gives me about 8 months. That should be enough time. Then I can go to all the lesbian bars. That would be so much fun. So today I went to "Women's Night Out" at our rec center. I got some jewelry and this really cool bowl that was actually kind of expensive. I just got a credit card and I'm afraid I'm going to go into debt because of it. I'm really bad about spending money on things I don't need. I talked to a lady there who is hopefully going to help me become a pampered chef consultant. I would make money and get a good percentage off their merchandise. It sounds so exciting. I love buying kitchenware. I'm sure I wouldn't save any money on buying their things since they are so expensive but I don't care. I went to this concert that was benefiting aids orphans. It was cool. The one band was good but kind of loud. I felt good about helping out tho.

I want to come out so badly. Sometimes I feel as if I never will. I'm such a wimp. Everytime I think about it I want to cry. I want to tell my roommate the most. She and I have lived together for about eight months. She's straight and I think she's a lesbianphobe. She says she's not homophobic but I think she is. She's always concerned people are going to think she's a lesbian if she gets in certain situations that might make someone wonder. I don't understand that way of thinking. If you're straight then why do you care if someone thinks ur a lesbian? I just want to be honest with my friends. I know some people know because I have told a couple of my friends. It's rediculous how long this has taken. Why is it so hard? Why can't I just find the right words that I need? Is it this hard for everyone or is it just me? I wish I were more lesbianic so it would be more obvious to people. Im very homemaker-ish when it comes to some things. I like to cook, knit, crochet and I just like girly things. I guess that is prolly normal for many a lesbian. I wish I could find the l word at blockbuster. For some reason they didn't have it when I went in there today. Oh well. I just need something to cheer me up.