I'm always asked why I have to be so loud
about who i am. My sole response is that I feel led to say what i need to say. I really don't know know why I am like this it's just me. I came out scared and not wanting to talk to anybody about who I was. Now I am the opposite. I have been called a Fag, Queer, Fudge Packer all things that should hurt me but with a cool head I explain what those words mean to me and what it does to society. I recently was at my parents house and my little brother was talking about how he kicked a FAGS ASS. I said to him that his hate and homophobia is what starts the chain of events that lead to a 15 year old boy getting shot by a classmate, a college kid getting killed and hung to dry in wyoming. Of course he didn't understand or didn't care because quite obviously I am going to hell just because I am attracted to guys. Despite the names, the associations, and no rights as a tax paying american, I am going to stand up for who I am, and I will stand up for everyone's rights. In essence I am going to say what I need to say. My mother asked me a couple months ago, David you are so loud about being gay what if someone kills you or beats the crap out of you, I just wish you would keep it to yourself. My response is what I live by. Mom, If I don't speak up who will, and if I die standing up for rights then I guess I die but It will bring another story to the news about what homophobia leads to. Im not afraid to keep on living, in the words of MCR.

Something I wrote

We stand
lifting our hands
for rights
so far away
no one can see them yet
i run away
scared at night
because who i am
who i decide not to hide
is there open
ready for the attack
ready to die
ready to bring light on the cause
ready
but tired
can't sleep
running away
from who i thought you would be
seems family isn't what it is cracked up to be
but i wish so
there is a hate
for a large group of the population
but guess what
we stand up
we show pride
we hold hands
we know love
we know freedom
we know revolt
we know compassion
we know whats next
so dear people of closed minds
open them
the future is coming
a future bright
a future so beautiful
and remember
**we are, we know, we will fight*

**new to oasis this is my first**

May 20, 2008 will be two years since I have came out. I usually never remember dates but today I was searching through emails and I found the email I sent my mother. It reminded me of the entire experience. Here is my story...

My mother emailed me talking about how I had changed and she was disgusted with my new behavior. I was a senior in high school and I had always knew I was gay. I guess my first realizing was when I was 7 or 8 (young right?). Starting in about November I started having trouble at home and I started hanging with the wrong crowd. I was doing drugs it started with weed and ended up with ecstasy, cocaine, and any other hard drugs I could get my hands on. I was trying to cover who I was and as a rebellion I started doing drugs, skipping school, and worst of all lying to everyone. One day I was at work and I was talking to my co-worker (who has ended up being my best friend) and she was gay and I started asking her questions. Starting with when did you know, how did your mom act you know all the basic questions. We spoke for about an hour and I told her I was gay. The first person I came out to was her she was and still is my support person. I decided at that moment I would tell my mother. So during our email I mentioned that I truly believe I am hiding who I am for I was scared how she would react. She must have known then but she asked the following series of questions. Is it drugs, alcohol, school... ARE YOU GAY. I told her I would talk to her about it that night but she called me on the phone. After she probed and probed I realized it was time, maybe this would solve all my problems. I said mom I'm gay. She at that point said the words I wanted to hear, "I have always known, I'm your mother for god's sake. Beautiful response, YES!! If only it would have ended there. It didn't the next day her and my step-dad sat me down and decided to talk to me. They informed me I was going to hell and that I was not gay I was just trying to rebel and make them cater to me. I tried to explain this is who I was but they couldn't hear me. I would go on and on about this but nearly two years later I still hear the same story. I have emailed my mom constantly different websites to get her to understand what I was going through. She doesn't understand. I am a very out person now. I found the most amazing gift my aunt is gay and she knows about me and we consistently talk about issues. I am blessed to have great friends that support me and now I am a very happy out person. Eventually my parents will come around but until then I hope to meet new people here with similar stories.