Im starting a different job.

hayden_love778899 — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 04:32:47 +0300

i've realized that i like the whole idea that avon has, but i dont connect with the product, im still going to participate for a few dollars here and there but i'm starting a new job as a mystery shopper, because its guarenteed. you have a long list of businesses and i walk in as if im a normal costumer :]] its good for me because i normally over-analyze things anyways and thats pretty much all your doing. OH!!!! and!!! guess what makes me a happy lesbian!? i can work with HOOTERS! get a free meal and some good looking babes bringin me food, AND i get paid for it! YES!!!!

I feel like im new.

hayden_love778899 — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 03:00:11 +0300

i feel like i've changed, for the better. i know i already wrote a blog with that name but this one's abit different i suppose. my semi-bestfriend bambi is drifting away from me, or maybe im pushing her. i believe that im just... different. shes used to me being the stuck up, rude to everyone, pot smoking, booze drinking bestfriend that she's always known.

i think its time for a change for the better.

hayden_love778899 — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 16:09:40 +0300

okay, well if you all have read most of my blogs you know that me and crystal are looooong over. and if you read my blogs from when i was with her you know that i was pretty much knees over tits inlove with her, and she pretty much was a total waste of time. well, shes part of the reason i pushed myself to be so girly and... the truth is, it isnt me. so i think im going to quit wearing my makeup so thick, get my "shane" haircut back and i want to buy a binder to wear. BTW i am now with an amazing girl named jesse, who im positive is different from anyone i've even been with in my entire life.

Insomnia.

hayden_love778899 — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:19:10 +0300

so, its 4:06 in the morning.
yesterday i stayed up till 6:30,
i really think i have insomnia.
i just got done watching Equality U on logo,
i'll have to admit,
watching my community be handcuffed simply for standing up for what they believe in got me teary eyed a few times.
Hmmmm, now im watching Roseanne.
idk what weird force attracts me to Darlene from this show... but its deffinitely strong. lol. im a weird ass.

fuck the bitch

hayden_love778899 — Fri, 28 Aug 2009 12:35:06 +0400

i saw it coming,
i was to blinded by what i had hoped it would be.
i broke up with crystal.
fuck the bitch.
has had a fiancee' for the last four months of our fuckin relationship.
whatever.
im fuckin over it,
dont come crawlin back when she finds out.
im done bitchin.
kthnxbye.

Failed. Puppy.Girlfriend

hayden_love778899 — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 20:47:37 +0400

so as you all know if you read my last blog, that i was on a smoking/drinking bindge and i didnt know where my girlfriend was. well.... she finally called and well... bambi picked up, lololol.
bambi gave crystal a piece of her mind, crystal was not very happy when she got to talk to me. i also just got off the phone with her, im really happy :)
but about my goal to not smoke or drink well, i failed.
i smoked out of my friend tims bong with bambi's sister, tim and zach. i dont like smokeing out of bongs much :||||
anyways,

Girlfriend. Green. Gone.

hayden_love778899 — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 01:38:15 +0400

Crystal Marie Schroeder.
i love you,
why does it seem like right now you dont love me?
i know you do but its hard when you havent contacted me.
no calls,
no texts,
no IMs,
no messages,
NOTHING,
wtf?
for TWO days?
seriously.
i hate it,
"you dont know how much you need something until its gone"
baby i need you,
come home, please?
you mother doesnt know where you are,
i dont,
barry doesnt,
please please please....
just call.
-hayden.

so....
lemmie recap on the past couple of days,
in two words?
substance abuse.
i guess thats what you could say,
so....

Rainbow Veins ((a piece of my song))

hayden_love778899 — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 03:14:00 +0400

you say im confused,
but i know who i am,
you say im to young,
but you just dont understand,
the fact that this is me,
all im ever gunna be,
and your trippin,
if your hopein,
that i'll re-asign myself,
to make you feel confortable,
this is unacceptable,
that in a world wishin for "peace"
that you cant take the minute
to listen to me,
a voice of a million,
trying to be heard,
the fact that your killin,
is beyond absurd,
equality at reach,
but you just wont listen,
the point of the fact,
is just what your missin,
"gay rights"
its as simple as that,
just like womans,

help? please?

hayden_love778899 — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 06:56:27 +0300

ugh, why just when i want to settle down and get my life on track...
my exs gotta try and fuck it up. I finally had the guts to ask Crystal out and then dani and another one of my exs gotta try and hook me again, and they both knew what they were doing when they did it, what the hell am i supposed to do?

she knows this is for her...

hayden_love778899 — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 05:42:51 +0300

i hate the fact that your perfume lingers on my hands,
once on your neck, to pull you into a kiss.
i torched the memories i have,
it hurts my heart to much to remember.
i love whole heartedly with my half hearted ratty organ
that i piece together every morning to attempt to live with.

Crooked spoons

hayden_love778899 — Fri, 26 Dec 2008 23:00:54 +0300

you know those times when you wish you had a controlling person in your life? the kind of people who would tell you what THEY think you should do? i want one. most people want them to get the fuck out but i want one. i hate being stuck in a rut. but i wont exagerate on the rut.

ugh.

hayden_love778899 — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 03:48:12 +0300

i hate the "your still the only girl for me" and then the follow-up blog about how the other girl got what i want.
argh.

im sorry.

hayden_love778899 — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 20:50:14 +0400

im sorry to the people i've hurt.
im sorry to the people i've set aside.
im sorry to the people who haven't heard from me.
im sorry to the people who think i dont care.
im sorry to the loved ones around me.
im sorry to that one special girl.
im sorry to the world for having me.
i dont mean to have a pity party.
im not sorry for myself im sorry for the others.
i love you baby girl.

you put up a great fight you lucky little bitch

hayden_love778899 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:15:23 +0400

if you would like to know the story behind this poem then message me.
but there are only three people who would get it.
but not from this point of view.
this is from MY point of view.
it's alot more than just a "wait it out"

phone cord shares whispers
skies show grey
a girl sits alone
pondering her day

another sits quiet
knowing of the others thoughts
smileing at the other

[ILYMMD] you make the piratelover come out in me.

hayden_love778899 — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 19:00:26 +0400

I know this pretty rave girl
always thinkin' 'bout her
and when she says hi to me
butterfly's go right through me
and when I see her dancin'
wanna take a chance in
getting a little closer
and maybe get to know her