i hate this. im sitting here in the dark crying alone. i cant call anyone to talk about it caz my phone is broken. if i could only hate myself a little more emptyness wouldnt seem so far away.

it makes me sad that she deosnt say i love you too anymore. if i say i love you she will say i love you back but never i love you too. she used to always say i love you too. it makes me feel like she dose not believe me anymore.

it was nice.
i stayed the night at my ex's house..
it was awkward....
we were kinda silent most of the night and at one point i woke up and she was kinda cuddleing me.
so i moved closer to the wall...
but the aids walk itself was alot of fun!
we only walk like 3 miles around tacoma.
i think the best part of the day was when shelby and i say the old lady lesbians!

im scared of useing the blow dryer at night.........

im excited as fuck!!!
it is not a normal mohawk though
i like it call it a fashion hawk lol
its wayy punk!
and it will be an inch long on the sides of my head
the sides of the mohawk will be seafome green and in the middle it will be black
with maching chick chops
=]]
tell me what you think!

today was lovely..
so i went to the dr. because i thought i had strep.
then when the dr. looked in my mouth she spazzed
aparently one of my tonsils was 3 times the size it should be
she told me that i needed to go to the ER and that i might have a peritonsillarabscess
then she rambled about needing some med students to come look at me
she said i was show and tell...

jeffree star commented my myspace
=]

i dont know how to come out to my mom
=[[
she hates gay/lesbians ppl
i dont know how to tell her
im scard
but it hurts so much to keep it in

aparently i am disgusting
caz everyone knows that being gay is the most horible plage on this earth
i cant fucking take this shit anymore
i just want to give up
i am never happy anymore
my "best friend" who says she will always be there for me yet never is is now mad at me for not being there for her
and when i need her its because i am about to break down even harder then the last time

is when someone carrects your spelling when ur not looking so you dont get embaressed

sometimes i lay in a bath tub completly under water until i cant take it anymore
i wish i was a fish
that way i could stay under the water forever
the feeling of water all around me with nothing but it and the light reflecting around me is the closest thing to peace i have
it makes me feel like life will never let me down again
it is like every pain i have ever had has disapear

i was happy in a very emo way so i wrote this short store

she will be my heaven

there were once two girls
one by the name of maggie and the other kaylee
they had been best friends for many years
then one day kaylee left...
she was forced to move to a far off state
and so kaylee and maggie would talk every day on the phone for hours with out end
months pased by
then years

i miss my friend

well
my night started out ok
i went to therapy
talking to charleen helped
it almost always does
after that i went on a run
and then my older brother asked if i wanted to go out on a walk in the park
it was one of the very few times i have ever had a real meaningful conersation with my brother
i talked him through all the stuff thats going on with my mom and my grandmother

i am racking my brain for something meaningful to say
something that will make people think
something other then all the qustions on my mind
i belive in 3 things in this world more then anything
life, love and death
i have felt these things many times in my life and i am sure most of you have too
when people think of love it is thought to be romantic