so a little while back my mother promised me she would quit drinking.
I didnt really believe her but after 2 months I was starting to.. That is until I found the six tall cans and the empty bottle of bacardi in the trash can. In a rage I lined them up and took a pic of them and sent it to her phone. she didnt get it until she was already home from work. she say it and yelled at me because I had nothing better to do than go through the trash. she said she "found" the bacardi on the road and decided to throw it away. jsdkfhkasdhfwencjhfsncdscj fuck it.

The lovely ReinbowGrl came over to my house before she left for work today. I cooked her lunch and we watched some random tv show.

In other news I can finaly say one of my lifes goals can be crosed off the list. I MET TEGAN AND SARA!!! Sara hugged me.. and offered me sunblock. Needless to say I studdered and made an ass of myself. What self respecting lesbian wouldn't be a little frazzled with Tegan and Sara standing infront of them.

I just finished writing my composition project for orchestra. its suposed to be inspired by a poem. I feel like words are failing me these days, all I can think about are the notes when I want to say how I feel. now that the songs done my heart is acheing again. I dont know what to throw myself into next. the words of W.S. Merwin are sounding in my mind with each note,

Separation

"Your absence has gone through me
Like thread through a needle.
Everything I do is stitched with its color."

I just wrote the longest post I've ever written and it dissapeared. =[

soo my two favorite bands are tegan and sara and bad religion. well they are not very similar but i llove them the same reason. all of the music means something and is beautiful.
now i thought that nothing could make them better... i was wrong!
tegan and sara covering bad religion!!!!
its so beautiful.

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be a stone.
not just any stone though, i would have to be something like a bolder.
preferably by a large body of water.
i imagine it would be a cold existence.
but the consistency of staying in one place for so long is appealing to me.
i could stay in the same place for hundreds of years without changing.
withought feeling more that the sun warming me in the days and the winds chilling me through the nights.
life would simply be days and nights.
hopfuly someone would find me.

so i have not posted in a long time. so much has happened in the time thats passed so i will just fill you in on the big events.
i went threw a bit of a downward spiral in january.
i starting to go insane in a sence, i was seeing things and was sure that there was a person fallowing.
i attempted suicide after a series of events that need not be mentioned.
things have changed alot sense then though.
i feel as if i am a new person.
im enjoying the change.

i have a girlfriend now.
ive been single for like 10 months so its a huge change.
im loveing it though.

im going to there concert tomorrow night.
i plan on getting in the pit for the whole concert!
im so excited.

andddd i might meet em!
my sister did caz her friend if a friend of the band!!!!

if you dont know who the koffin kats are they are an amazing pyscobillie band ever!!
go to koffinkatsrock.com
you wont regret it!

im terrifyed that no matter what i do every one i ever care about is going to become an alcoholic and in the end i will be too.
i really dont want to be like my mom or my father..

blahhh i turned 16 the other day.
i guess it was nice.
i went out to dinner with my family.

i had been asking for a laptop for a year now.
i got a mini netbook.
its crap.
it does not have a cd port.
and it has 2 gigs...
its pretty useless.
but i cant complane caz at least they tryed.
but i hate to tell them i would have rather gotten something else than a comp that can only have one window at a time and cant have anything useful..
blahhh.
andd i feel like a douche for not likeing it because they tryed and i should be thankful but for once id like something that words.

soo my brother has this girlfriend..
mind you my bro is almost 25 years old (he will be in like 4 days).
soo about 2 years ago he went to the philippines to see this girl (she wasnt his gf at the time) they had never met and he was going with a friend.
soo just to meet this girl he maxed out 2 credit cards to get there and back.
and that was okay.
he was still a nice guy then just stupid.
but in the past year he has been sucking majorly..

today has not been good.
the only thing that kept me from shooting lots and lots of people was the fact that my girlfriend sent me a package and it got here today..

last night i spent the night at a friends house.
she had juct moved into her own place so i thought yaya this will be great!..
i was wrong.
i was bored and annoyed the whole time.
my friends douche' like room mates did not clean the kitchen when it was there turn so my friend was left to.
i did not mind helping, we talked and washed dishes for 3 hours..

hey guys.
blahh i get sad when i post here.
i think i post some intresting things soo
yeaa id like feed back xDD
thus the eating of me..

anywayy.
today was entertaining..
i went to a family dinner at a crappy mexican restraunt that we have been going to for like 4 years now.
anddd my sister has a groth on her faceeee.
its like a huge cysts by her ear.
its the size of a peanut(like shell and all)
she has named it pustulio (invader zim..)

so as you might have read from theo(satu) she left for finland today
she should be landing in newyork at somepoint in the hour i think..
before she left she told me to spoil myself today and be happy and i trying but its way too hard.
im not just sitting and crying like i thought id be but yeaa i cant smile with out thinking of her which makes me cry.
blahhh..
im excited for her 'caz i know how much she loves her family and friends.
also finland is much better for her caz her year here sucked due to alot of stupid/rude people.
i wish i could be there with her.

hey everyone its been awhile..
soo today was a nice day so was most of yesterday =D
soo my girlfriend stayed the night lastnight andd it was nice we cuddled ect and watched an awesome comidian and yeaa..
she impersonated a gay guy attemting to eat a girl out.. xDDD
it was great
today my mother girlfriend and i went to the bite of seattle =D it was nice
although it was awekward caz my mom dosent know about us
but my girl and i wondered away and ate random yummmy fries..
it was nice.