Well, hello there, Princess Perfect.
I can't quite recall whoever it was that let you in.
Can you? Recall how you got here, that is?
You must dreadfully confused, this isn't exactly in your neat-as-a-pin cup of tea, is it? You were never expecting this, were you?
You were never expecting me.
(x) Smoked A Cigarette (Not all- does it still count)
() Smoked A Cigar
(x) Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex (but sadly, it never meant anything... more like: i'm drunk, you're drunk, or friend stuff)
SO FAR: 1
(x) Are / Been In Love
(x) dumped someone
(x) Been Fired
() Been In A Fist Fight
SO FAR: 4
(x) Had A Crush On An Older Person
Today I went to Planned Parenthood with my friend, Stephenie, to inquire about birth control (for her... duh) It was pretty interesting. They were really helpful and friendly, and birth control for people under 18 is 50% off. Isn't that crazy? I was just blown away by how cool that was...
well, at least it will be interesting to go back.
i'm having trouble facing a lot of the denial i went through with summer. i'm having trouble convincing myself that what she said and did had a different meaning than i thought. meaning, she says now that none of it meant anything to her. that it was just "friendly." but, what she says now trumps what she did then, in the end.
so much has happened in the course of this past month and a half.
summer knows, all the way. i told her. i was drunk. it just came out. she was surprised. i skipped school for two days. a mutual friend brought me a note from her basically saying that she was sorry that she didn't feel the same way.
she knows i'm in love with her.
and she's straight.
I normally have really strange dreams. I'm used to this, I've had them my whole life. They're chalk full of meaning, but the one that has stuck with me most recently is one I had recently.
Here's Summer's birthday card to me.
Happy Birthday Clarice! <3
I love you my beautiful muffin.
You know what you mean to me.
Yep. And a heart-shaped ring and a CD of love songs.
I'm kind of...
unsure about the meaning of all this, and am meaning to talk to her, but I've been super busy (with SPring Break and all..)
So I'm pretty bored. I should be doing the mounds of homework I have, but I'm supporting my cause right now (procrastination.) I'm going through a very interesting phase in my life right now. I'm learning so much about myself, it's crazy. I'm just beginning to figure out how I think... if that makes sense. Which it may very well not.
Also, suggestions as to where to meet girls?
cool cool cool cool cool cool.
again i'm perplexed. i wonder how it can be that one person can but so much time and effort and love towards another and get nothing in return. it makes no sense. i've wasted so much time thinking of summer and how i want it to be, when she hasn't thought for a second on me.
the blank expression that hides your face, the mask you show the world.
it's sad that you can't face the facts, you love another girl.
blahblahblah blah blah blahblah blah blah blah. BLAH!!!
sometimes i feel like my whole life is one giant complaint. i'm demanding, because i know what i want. nothing's ever good enough, because i have tasted perfection.
today was pretty good.
you know how sometimes after you've loved someone for a long time, it becomes sort of.. habit? that's what loving summer's like right now.
oh, i know i'm bitter.
but you must understand my frustration,
you refuse to see what i have made so clear to you.
you ask why i've been different,
and i say nothing has changed.
you don't understand.
i wish i had fallen for someone a bit cleverer than you.
I'm so confused. So totally and utterly and completely confused. And I need to make up my mind. Here are some details...
Birthday:: March 21, 1992
Birthplace:: Scranton, PA
Eye Color:: Green
Hair Color:: Light Brown
Weight:: 129 lbs
Right handed or Left handed?: righty
Your Heritage:: german, irish
My Worst Habit:: procrastination
Zodiac Sign:: pisces
Shoe Size:: 9
Pants Size:: 4
Innie or Outie?: Innie
Parents Still Together?: Yessum