I know they are doing what they feel is right. And I know to them gay marriage is something they want to fight against just as much as gay people want to fight for it. It's just.... So sad that people can't reconcile their views more easily. But then again I wouldn't want to change my views so....

This was all brought up by a door to door supporter of proposition 8. I tried to gently tell him that I'm not interested but he kept talking, very polite mind you, but he kept talking and he said " this is not a discriminatory measure. we realize thats its wrong to persecute gays, gays have full rights, its illegal not to give them full rights. I fully support civil unions." etc. etc. thats not the best paraphrase of what he said , i liked him better for what he said, but basically yeah. and I know to people like him, to him marriage is a devout thing, a holy thing and I can see why people like him want marriage to have its name reserved, for gay people to have civil unions. And he was so nice....

but can't he see to me not being able to call my marriage for what it was would just be as hurtful to me? How by making marriage a government institution we have to make it free from religion?

How painful just talking to him was? Because he was nice.. and just by being equal I damage and hurt his beliefs like he's hurting my freedom right now. And whatever we do is going to hurt somebody.

And then my sister comes up from behind me, says over me "sorry we are really not interested" and closes the door and mutters "asshat"
and goes back to watching t.v.

If only it was that simple. I don't know...

Today was an ego-killer. Just one of those days when you don't feel like anyone likes you for you, stuff doesn't happen the way you want it to, and somebody makes you feel like you aren't anybody special. I don't know, I hate when days like these bring out so much of my own insecurities. I mean looking back on it, it wasn't such a bad day. I got a perfect score on my chem quiz, I got my skit over with in drama and got an A, and a friend and I were laughing all during my last period of apec. But I don't know, My math teacher marked off points of my grades for no apparent reason, I didn't get the part I wanted in the school play, and some people i know and like greeted me with a lot colder welcome than I expected. I just ended the day with this needy desire for validation and people to like me, and I hate when i get like that.

And then again knowing that i let the little things bother me so much bothers me so I'm just rolled up into a little approval needing miserable fetal position. (metaphorically)

For love, and all that is clean and pure, don't be gay, and don't marry that chick. Seriously, I'm willing to give up all hopes on Ellen Page being gay as long as you aren't. Please , please. For all that is holy.

Health class. We're in the Sex-Ed, relationships unit. Splendid. And We have to write our wedding vows. Splendid. But you know Mr. health teacher, I CAN'T GET MARRIED YOU STUPID IGNORANT SEXIST DEUCHE BAG! Oh , and by the way Ross's first girlfriend didn't "Turn gay" in friends. It doesn't work that way. And who says that cave woman couldn't have hunted? Huh?

Ok, so its not even that the class, or he, is that bad, its just that for the past week we've been talking about what girls like in boys and what boys like in girls, and how boys and girls are different blah blah blah blah. Basically nothing I can relate to, only more reasons for me to dislike the majority of teenage boys, and a total waste of time.

I don't know, he just keeps talking about marriage, about long term marriage, about sex before marriage, and more marriage, and more marriage, and you know what health class teacher? I. can't. get. married.
Got it?

Anyway, I wrote the vows/ poem/ thing- to our future spouse anyway because I had to. I kept mine because I kind of liked it, even if i didn't like the assignment. You can stop reading now, but here they are:

This is everything.
And when I say that I mean it.
Humour my melodrama and over-romantacism here,
because this is everything.
Everything.
I don't believe in going back,
and I don't believe in breaking things.
Once we're here, we're here.
And If I'm here it means a lot.
A lot about you, A lot about me,
A lot about us.
It means I know all you faults
and I love you anyways.
It means that I think you are the only one I ever want to be with.
It means your intelligent, sincere,
that we're both completely honest with each other.
It means that even though we know each other so well,
we still think we're both interesting,
And we genuinely like each other,
love each other.
It means we're not going to let the little things bother us.
It means I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
That's everything.
This is everything.

And that's it. Except for my title. We read this Maya Angelou poem in English class today "Phenomenal Woman" I think is the title or something very close to that, anyway i have to write a poem tonight about something I'm phenomenal at, or how I'm phenomenal.

I think I'm going to write about how I'm phenomenal at mediocrity.

So apparently The California supreme court is going to " convene" Tuesday on whether same sex marriages should be allowed. Ya' know what that means?

I don't have to live in Canada!!! Booyah!!!

I mean, if they rule my way. And the whole not-finished-with-final-ruling-until-june thing kind of sucks. But, you know, no Canada. Because really who wants to live in Massachusetts or Canada? I'm sure they're nice but they're bloody cold.

..........

Yeah. Thats all.